i just really want to let out a little steam most of this will probably sound like mindless babble but it all makes sense to me . well i was supposed to kill myself on the 6th of oct but that didnt happen i chickend out and that made me really upset i wouldnt talk to anyone or do anything for a while and that made my best friend worry but while i was alone i kept thinking about what held me back and i finally found the answer and its because i was still needed my best friend still needed me she just recently became a teacher and she needs my help because the work is just too much she isnt used to it yet so i have been helping her a lot lately but just recently i have been thinking about what happens she doesnt need my help what then is it back to feeling useless? i dont know but the help is almost coming to an end she is getting used to the work and asking for me help less and less but she doesnt just call me for help she calls me when she wants to just hang out as well so do my other friends but she is the only one person that relys on me right now and it feels so good like i am needed still. but now that we are caught up to her work i am starting to feel like i did before i am scared that i wont be needed anymore and i just dont know what to do anymore. when i was helping her i still would get bad thoughts and scary feelings but i was able to surpress it because i was needed and now these things are comming back and i hate it. sorry to anyone that read this but i am a mess right now and there was no punctiation anywhere sorry about that but i felt that i just needed to let out some steam.