letting some of it out

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Mar 31, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I can't even begin to describe how i feel right now. Theres no words for it. I feel empty. I feel broken. Something inside me broke and i'm never gonna get that back. I've never felt so much hurt, pain and anger in one go. I've never been so angry in my life. I'm sorry to the people who was around me last night/early this morning and i'm sorry for breaking down on skype like that and i'm also sorry for what i did and sorry to Kelly for telling you what i had done. I should of come off skype while doing something like that. I just didn't know what to do.

    I'm telling you that I've never been so hurt like that. So fucking angry. I felt a different person when that angry and i didn't like it. If someone had got on the wrong side of me at that particular time then i probably would of done them a fair amount of damage.

    I was on the verge of cutting myself and someone decided to tell me a method on self harm. Yeah what an idea to give me and i think its pretty outrageous that i'm being begged to apologise to someone because i got hurt and upset by something. ''i don't care, lie'' I'm not gonna lie to stroke someones ego. I'm not apologising for anything. I may have said something and to be honest what i said was VERY tame to what i felt like saying and to be honest i've wanted to say that and whole lot more for a while now. Something snapped and i was able to release that.

    Terry you told me something a long time ago. You know, i really should of listened to you all those months ago. So many times me and you have sat down and said this or that is gonna happen and it did. I should of seen this coming. Should of took your advice. In fact i did see it coming, i knew I'd end up like this. I knew i'd hurt like this. Had a similar thing happen before and that nearly killed me. Fuck knows whats gonna happen now. I really don't see a point anymore. This whole day i've felt completely empty. Couldn't sleep at all last night. Just passed out at 12 this afternoon.

    I'm so fucking upset and you know what, im just gonna put up the happy mask and just not talk to anyone about it. I'm sick of getting close to people and having them turn round and throw everything i've ever tried to do back in my face.

    argh whatever. I aint makine sense anymore. Head is spining.

    So yeah .... sorry to anyone who was talking to me last night, i hate breaking down like that on skype. :sad:
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Hey vikkers. Its okay to be angry, its okay to be honest. In my opinion you dont have to apalogize, you should say what you're thinking or just shut you're mouth. But dont try to make people feel better with lies or something, especially when you dont want to. But I dont really know what happened >.<
    I dont know, I guess its good to feel anger. Maybe you felt so different because you made those emotions go away with sh.
    I dont really know what to say, because I dont know what happened, but I'm always here for you if you need me and next time listen to Terry :tongue:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun, you know my opinion on this whole thing, I am fuming at the fact that this whole mess caused you to SH. You deserved so much more than you got over this, just let the anger out; rant at me if it helps to express it verbally, I can take it but don't take it out on yourself. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I'm with Terry on this one 100% :hug: Let it out hun, it just gets worse if you hold it in. I'm here if you ever wanna talk, as you should know by now. ;) :hug:

    Love you loads. :)
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Should of listened to you all. Sowwy :sad:
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    It's ok hunny. Tis past. We'll get by this, ok? Just takes time. Hang in there, and don't blame yourself or bash yourself, this is how we learn, without mistakes..... we would know half the things we do. Everyone makes them. Everything will be ok. I'm always here for you hun. :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Wuv ya :cheekkiss
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Blimey Viks if we all listened we'd be all walking about like Polly fecking Anna :laugh: but life is about taking risks and it could have ended differently. Don't let this put you off of making relationships, not everyone is a prize arsehole (well I hope not anyways :blink: :unsure: ).
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Am still soooooooo pissed off :mad: could take certain peeps head off :mad:
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni