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Letting the past go...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MrSpaceBound, Jan 18, 2015.

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  1. MrSpaceBound

    MrSpaceBound Well-Known Member

    How am I supposed to let the past go?

    When I was a happy 10 year old, me and my family moved to a town 200 miles away. From day 1 I was bullied for being different, in looks, in behaviour and so on. I made friends, but the bullies remained, taunting me for something I could do nothing to change. Home life was no rest bite from school life, my father suffers from multiple mental health disorders, so coming home to listen to him rant and rave gave my mind no time to relax. When I got to 16 and finished high school, we moved back closer to my original home. Becoming unsettled once again, but I thought maybe a fresh start would do me some good.

    I struggled to settle, working for a while, but at 18 I went to college and I made a few friends, I thought finally things were going my way. However at 19 I was struck down by a severe viral infection and ended up being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. 7 years on, I'm 26 and my life is like ground hog day, being isolated because of my illness made me develop severe depression and social anxiety. So even when I do have some energy to more than usual, my anxiety and depression shackles me.

    The 2 worst things about my illness are:

    1/ The constant reminders I have about my past, with so much time in the day, all I can do is be reminded of it. Even in my sleep I am reminded of it.
    2/ The missed life experiences, while everyone else grows up, has a career, a house,a family, I'm still stuck at the same spot I was at 19.

    How am I supposed to let the past go, when I can't move forward? I can't work, so I can't own my own home, if I started dating would a woman ever accept that I can't ever work? Because I wouldn't expect them to. The way I see my life is that I will be forever in limbo, if purgatory was real, I'd imagine it would be exactly like this. Is there any hope for a 26 year old suffering from a debilitating illness, to have even a semblance of a life?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I am 25 years old and basically could have wrote what you did. I was bullied so badly that I could not leave the house at all for years but I got stronger and found the strength to move on and not let them win. I was also raped and molested when I was a child.

    I know how hard it is, I hate where I live to a certain degree. I feel it is filled with evil. I'm really sorry for your physical illnesses, it's very difficult to be going through both physical and psychological illnesses, I would recommend getting counseling for your mental illness and perhaps everything will fall into place then. We are here for you :)

    I miss being a small kid, life was so much easier!!
  3. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    what happened to/with the fam? isolation?
    take up less energy consuming hobbies for some new experiences? may boost
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Have you sought out a Therapist?
  5. Dan99

    Dan99 Active Member

    Hello there,

    You are not alone my friend..... I too suffer from social anxiety, mainly because (to me at least) society looks down on people who are single...... and my luck with women has been terrible throughout my life....... and the problem is i don't know why........ is it a lack of confidence? Maybe i am not masculine enough? These things run through my head over and over which further depletes my confidence.......

    i too am haunted by my past........... issues with my brother especially.....and an aunt who abused me as a child...... feelings of anger and hatred........... thoughts of revenge....even violence........One day i wondered what the purpose of looping painful memories could be??? Maybe i haven't learned the lesson???
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I believe the "secret" to letting go of the past is to have new things come into your life. If there are not new memories and experiences coming to occupy your thoughts then all that there is to think about is old things. The other half of that equation is hope. If you have nothing to look forward to or hope for in the future then all that is left to think about is the past.

    For MrSpaceBound - I completely understand why you are having a difficult time in your situation where your current experiences and things to look forward to are limited by a physical condition. Add the low number of new experiences, plus depression which robs you of hope and it is not surprised you feel stuck in the past. You have a couple extra challenges in trying to replace the old memories. Some of it you cannot control, but the things you can are where you need to focus what little energy you have. Whether it is 2 hours at a local festival or just social place or park, or even reading some really good books, trying to find other things for your mind to spend time on may help you stop focusing entirely on the past.

    Spending even short amounts of time out in your community doing "something" will also give you at least a chance to meet somebody for a relationship. Sadly , there are many people that are disabled and do not work - it does not make it impossible to have a relationship and find the right partner- just reduces the opportunities that come naturally during the course of the day or week for many. I do believe that there are plenty of people that are looking for more than a paycheck in a relationship, and you have as a person are far more than your "earning potential" so do not give up on that idea at all.

    I hope you have a few have decent days that you can go out and make a few hours of memories soon to try to replace the old ones- and that when those days come you give it a try until you find something that you enjoy enough ot make it worth doing again. That will give you memories and something to look forward to.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
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