So I came across this website earlier in the week while I was at work and had to close it quickly because my boss came over, but a lot of what I had read stayed with me and I found myself drawn to it again tonight, just because... God I don't even know. I'm just so done with everything, I have this internal ache all of the time and it hurts so badly. I feel like I try my best and everything I do just gets thrown back in my face. I can't remember the last time I was happy and I'm so incredibly sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I hate my life. I hate it so much to I find it hard to put into words - I was always taught to hide my emotions growing up and now I find it so hard to talk to anyone. Opening up to someone has only ever led to them betraying me and I'm so scared. I don't trust anyone or have anyone who really knows me. I hate my job, the people there are all mean and twisted, but with the state of the job market I feel like I'm trapped even though I'm so stressed that I throw up every morning before I go in. My boss goes out of her way to make my life harder and makes me feel about two inches tall and seems to delight in making me feel that way. I deal with continuous health problems that drain me and leaves me in constant pain, I find it hard to move properly and have taken to just always taking pain medication because if I don't I can't function. And I'm just fed up of hurting, I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember but have been too scared to take that final step. I don't see the point any more.