Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by spiritxfade, Nov 28, 2010.

  1. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    That's what I am. I'm so disgusting. I'm such an idiot. Why did I think that I could be a normal teenager? Sure, I didn't know anyone but one person on that cruise except for my family, and I thought I could have fun like a normal teen. Ha. Yeah right. Spent the entire fucking cruise wanting to cut or leap over the side of the boat.

    Kept pretending anyway. Lies. Lies. I drowned in them. I lied to everyone, said I was fine. I knew it wasn't true.

    Ugh. I hate this. I can't do anything. Wish I had the guts to end it all.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you have the GUTS to get HELP okay call doctor pdoc anyone and get help so you can start not lying but truly feel better about you
  3. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    going to see psychologist on thursday. i still haven't told anyone though. i feel like there's no point in doing so. no one will care.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur wrong there your psychologist will care and will help you be honest so you can get the help I care and really hope and pray you are honest okay
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We all is just human nature...but to lie instead of getting support hurts more...glad you are going to see a psychologist on Thursday, and try (and I know this is difficult) to be an honest as possible...there is so much about ourselves that we do not tell other people, most because we feel ashamed, and make up a person we might feel better about...again, all of us have done this...please forgive yourself and move on...big hugs, J
  6. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    thanks guys. i told the psychologist what i was feeling. she just told me what she always does- to tell a "responsible adult", to not be alone, and to pull myself out of it.

    i doubt my parents even know how to deal with me. pulling myself out of it seems nearly impossible right now. i wish it were as easy as she makes it sounds.

    all in all, it felt pretty useless. as always.