That's what I am. I'm so disgusting. I'm such an idiot. Why did I think that I could be a normal teenager? Sure, I didn't know anyone but one person on that cruise except for my family, and I thought I could have fun like a normal teen. Ha. Yeah right. Spent the entire fucking cruise wanting to cut or leap over the side of the boat. Kept pretending anyway. Lies. Lies. I drowned in them. I lied to everyone, said I was fine. I knew it wasn't true. Ugh. I hate this. I can't do anything. Wish I had the guts to end it all.