Liars on SF

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lostbutnotfound, Jul 30, 2012.

  1. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I haven't posted on anything except my diary for ages.. but fuck it. Stuff needs to be said.

    Okay, so the thing is, this is a suicide support forum. Reread those words and place emphasis on the word 'support'. This site is somewhere which is a whole lot more accepting and supportive and caring than a lot of websites out there. You can come here and be honest, open and accepted for being you, for feeling the way you feel. This sort of place can be risky of course, when people are feeling at their lowest, they can be taken advantage of. That can happen to anyone. And in a few cases the perpetrator can be oblivious to the damage they are causing, can be too mentally unwell to understand the effect they are having on others. That doesn't make it okay, in all fairness if someone is being taken advantage of nothing makes it okay, someone hurt is someone hurt, regardless of the excuse, but it provides some sort of explanation.

    However, what makes it worse is when people lie on here. When they pretend to be a whole different person. Create a different persona and basically dupe people into believing that. I try to apply the whole "well, they're not well, they can't help it, it's not necessarily them", but then I think about me. I've been sectioned for 4 months out of this year already and am on the edge of getting sectioned again. I'm poorly. But I would never go around to people, especially mentally ill people, and lie to them. Get them to trust someone who isn't even real. Get them to open up to someone who doesn't even fucking exist. It's cruel and it's wrong. You might have the best intentions in the world but it doesn't make this right. People here are vulnerable. Very vulnerable.

    I know this might make me sound like the biggest bitch going.. but I don't give a shit if you lied about yourself because you wanted to 'help' people. You could do that while remaining yourself. I'm 23, an alcoholic, a complete fucking mess, and I still manage to get people to open up to me. It really isn't impossible, especially on this site, which - as I mentioned earlier - is more understanding and empathetic than most. You have no excuse for lying and putting people through shit.



    As for pretty much everyone else in my life.. pretty piss poor lol. But will write about that in my diary. Many people don't read my diary so I wanted to post this publicly so that people were made aware and were cautious about people on this site. Not everyone is like that, I've met really cool people, but this is just a reminder to be wary and careful when talking to people online.
     
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Thanks :hug: internet can sometimes be very dangerous or fake place no matter where u are.. But here for most part it has been one of the safest.. Still must be careful what you say.. I agree it not to be right for anyone to be taken advantage of.. Maybe a mod be better to talk more detail with.. Thanks again..
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    As you know, I've had two people completely take me in with nothing but a pack of lies and it hurt, but it's out weighed by the rest who were genuine.
    If someone has been manipulating or lying to you, drop me a pm and I'll hunt them down.
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm really sorry this happened to you...I've really been hurt by people on this site too, which is one reason I'm considering leaving. It just sucks when you have the best intentions and people don't see it that way. Don't give up hope though, because there are still nice and honest people here and other places.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When some pretends to have a problem and robs the members of their emotional support and trust, we do our best to make sure s/he knows why s/he is being banned, and rid our site of him/her...we have had that several times, and to be honest, I think they might be some of the most pathological I have seen here...I cannot imagine the mentation it takes to lie about a trauma to be accepted on this website or to put one's self out as a helper (these are the most dangerous), seduce weak people, and then hurt them (if I had more information on the last person, who we did run out of town, I would have reported him)...please know we do not take this malingering lightly, in fact, watching for this sometimes keeps me up at night...please report any such events...if possible, and depending upon their stories, we will counsel the person to be 'genuine', but if it concerns the well being of others, we quickly show them the door..help us find them...lastly, when we do find them, and if they are not sociopaths, they definitely know how we feel...I send a PM that I hope will haunt them...sorry this happened to you and please PM me if i can provide heartfelt support
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2012
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i am sorry too. karma - thats all i gotat say. :hug:
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I was taken in once here by a liar too and I know how much it hurts..
    please tell admins what's happening for you so they can deal with it..

    Terry and sadeyes on their tail??? :admin: :nono: :nunchuk:
     
  8. kote

    kote Account Closed

    that has happend to me too as sadeyes has said they will run them out of town.
    it hurt as i genuinely worried and was taken in. it takes a very twisted person to do that and i hope sadeyes and terry gets onto them quick.
    i know in my case they did after i alerted them about a serious matter.
    just be safe in the knowledge that the mods. have our interests at heart and do their best!!!
     
  9. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    Thanks for your support and understanding, and I'm sorry to see that this has affected others on this site. It is a horrible thing, to have your trust betrayed when you're feeling at your lowest, and it saddens me to see others who have suffered because of this. It's happened to me a couple of times, but the mods are of course fab at keeping a watchful eye out.

    The person I was referring to has been dealt with, I just wanted to put a reminder out there for everyone to just be a bit cautious when interacting with new people on this site.. I know I need reminding at times.

    I hope everyone is well :hug:
     
  10. kote

    kote Account Closed

    but we must not forget that we were all new once and most likely at our lowest and lonliest point.
     
  11. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    We were indeed all new once. While we can extend our understanding to others who are new, we DO need to be mindful that the internet can be a dangerous place, and people can be deceptive. Some people are at their lowest point while joining, others join to abuse other people, so while we can apply empathy, support, compassion and caring to new members, our first priority has to be ourselves and keeping ourselves safe.
     
  12. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I agree... but what exactly brought this on? Were you misled by a member here? This seems to be a pretty safe place, for the most part. I was at a depression forum before this one... and a couple of members there attacked me. One of them was a "new" member who seemed to have joined for no other reason than to attack me. Why the mods there allowed this, I don't know. But I highly doubt that either one of them were there for "support". That's why I never went back there... because it wasn't a safe place. SF on the other hand does seem to be a safe place. If you are encountering liars and manipulative people, then you need to inform the admins via private message. Because I for one do not want such people to be a part of this community.
     
  13. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    I made this post because I indeed encountered someone who misled myself and others. This has happened before to me, so really I should have learnt my lesson, but I'm a bit slow on the uptake lol. But I didn't make the post solely to vent, I also wanted to give a reminder to people to just keep their wits about them.

    In regards to SF being a safe place, it usually is, and the mods do a fantastic job of keeping people as safe as they possibly can, but there are always going to be people who slip through the net, or who are far too sneaky and sly for their own good. The mods have indeed addressed the person I was referring to in my original post, but I still wanted to just make people aware. I know just how hard the mods here work to maintain the safety of members here, and it is much appreciated. But wherever you go in life, there will be people who try and diminish that safety. Of course, people like this are most definitely in the minority, as I have stated throughout this thread I have met some amazing people here.. people who I feel privileged to know, but in all aspects of life you are going to encounter some people who are shady and manipulative. Obviously IRL it can be easier to spot the frauds (sometimes), but on the internet it's much more difficult. So while I wrote this post because I did need to vent about the person I encountered here, I also wrote it to raise people's awareness to just be a bit wary.
     
  14. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    *edit to above - sorry, I didn't realize this was page 2 of the thread, so I missed the original post.

    I still stand by what I said though, and most of the others here seem to say the same thing... if somebody is lying and intentionally misleading people here, they need to be reported. I don't think I have encountered that here yet personally - but then, I don't really know for a fact that anyone is being genuine with me. I agree that we must always be protective of ourselves, not just on the internet, but in life in general. Like I said, I encountered abusive people at the last forum I was at... their sole purpose for posting on my thread was to insult me and encourage me to commit suicide. The mods there weren't exactly proactive in doing anything about it... I finally had to ask them to delete my posts and I never went back. I have a very low tolerance for people who try to take advantage of someone's depression or insecurities, especially those abusive trolls who like to visit forums like this one for the sole purpose of messing with people. There are enough other bridges on the internet for these trolls to go hide under; I won't suffer such assholes here. I know the staff here would be more than happy to eradicate such a nuisance, and I for one would also enjoy verbally assaulting them (though I'd probably get in trouble for it - apologies to the mods in advance should I ever resort to unleashing my textual fury on one of these jerks).
     
  15. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I think that for the most part, members who do encounter people who are taking advantage of them or others do report them to the mods, I know I have on different occasions and I know of others who have too. What's good about this site is that most members take it upon themselves to report those who are clearly not here with the correct intentions, and that they really do strive to keep this a safe place and keep other members safe. Where the mods excel is that usually they're on the trail of these assholes already and they are very quick to take necessary actions to keep this a safe place. For those members who don't report the assholes, I hope they read this and think twice as undoubtedly if someone takes advantage of one member, and subsequently get away with it, they will continue to do so until they're finally caught in the act.

    I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with the other site, and am very glad that you found this one. While we will come across assholes at every turn in the road, I think this site does its utmost to protect its members.
     
  16. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Personally - I back these statements fully. I can only be myself online - I have never tried to be anything else. Occasionally I'll be a laugh and a joke, and other times i'll be too stressed out to be hyper happy. The second of which didn't seem to get a full hold until the end of march where everything around me seemed to be being pulled out from under my feet, and no-one knew how to take my snappier outbursts or my lack of 'enthusiasm'.

    Having also met 3 people in person that I for certain remember having done so, they get to see the person behind the typed words on a screen, and that's what I strive for. I don't give false info because I know that in my current ok-ish state of mind, I wouldn't like to be on the receiving end, so when vulnerable, it's extended to feel worse. I also have a naive approach of believing everything until it's proven to be wrong, hence why my username is what it is.

    Ironically I use online approach to meet people more often because I get to be myself and not judged by 40-50 people in a karaoke pub, or 2-3 thousand shoppers in a town centre. The bonus about having met the 3 I have from here, they have all seen that the typed words and the reality are very similar - if not 100% the same - and I would like to maintain that high level of honesty.
     
  17. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    This site is great, very open, caring, friendly and nonjudgmental... that's why I'm still here. I haven't encountered anyone here yet who I can say with 100% certainty is here to manipulate or abuse people, though I'm sure there probably are some. I have, however, reported a number of spammers... because though they may not be as bad as an abusive troll, they are certainly here for the wrong reasons and their posts detract from what this site is supposed to be about.
     
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes one has to be careful i think we all have been burned before but as said the ones we do help outweigh that one that was abusive hugs
     
  19. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If anyone is worried, the person concerned has been banned.
     
  20. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    good job Terry:thumbup: