My ex partner was into all sorts..lots of very kinky stuff, though thankfully notthing painful or dangerous. I'm not saying painful or dangerous is bad if that is what works for you and I'm not averse to the odd bit of BDSM now and again if the mood takes me. However... a few months back my ex set up a threesome at our house with a guy he knew locally. It was by no means up front and honest as we knew from the outset the guy was married. I wasn't too sure about this but ended up thinking "Oh what the heck, it's only a bit of fun" and so I went along with it. The guy who I shall refer to as 'S' arrived at the house. He stood in the hallway and I was standing on the stairs. "Wham!" That was it. The three of us, my ex, 'S' , and I ended up in bed as was planned but from the start it was jsut as if it was only myself and S in the room. S left a couple of hours later at around 6pm, but two hours after that he called me. I was alone at the house as my ex works night shifts. He asked to see me -I said "When?" He said "Now" He came back to the house and since then we have been having an affair. to begin with we both thought it would all fizzle out after a couple of weeks, but no, in fact it's the reverse. We are both totally head over heels in love with each other and both tearing ourselves apart with the dishonesty and deceit and the hurt it is going to cause when we get caught as we enevitably will do. I have told myself over and over that this is so so wrong, but neither of us can let the other one go now. He works long hours, he has a wife and a son and huge financial commitments and effectively I have become his mistress. I thought I could do it, I thought I could cope, that having some of him was better than none of him, but now I know I can't live like this, spending my life waiting for the text message, the call, the clandestine visits, the stolen moments. At first, I doubted his love for me -thought he was telling me anything I wanted to hear to get me on his side, but now, I'm not so sure. He tells me he loves me and I am beginning to think he is sincere. A couple of weekends ago he came to my flat and I could see something was on his mind. He sat down and we started to talk. He broke down and sobbed his heart out and said he was so torn, didn't know what to do, he wanted me, but couldn't leave his little boy, but said that if he thought his life was going to be only having me as his mistress for the next goodness knows how many years he would rather be dead. It is pure toture and a huge part of me knows that I have to end this, but I can't. We can't. We have come to need each other. I sit alone at nights waiting for his text, or his call, some nights he comes to see me if he can sneak away but many nights he can't. I don't know anyone else in this awful situation and I have not told a soul. I know that if I finish it with him he is going to be devastated and I can't do that to him. When we are together we are so happy, when we are apart we are so miserable, though me so more than him obviously as he has so much more to fill his time. I live alone and don't have a job just now. I know I need to find things to occupy myself and take my mind off of him, but most of all I need to end this, but how?