Lies, lies everywhere!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Dec 9, 2015.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    "This pill should help" - said the 10 different doctors before prescribing yet another pill that wont work
    "Give it some time, i promise things will get better" - said a psychologist, 10 years ago
    "We want to help you" - said every single social worker i ever met, none of which ever did anything for me
    "Sports help fighting depression" - there are 1000 different articles and statistics saying that, its a lie
    "I care about you" - said my father, after kicking me out and forcing me to live on the street, 3 times!
    "I did everything i possible could to help you" - said my father, without doing ANYTHING EVER for me

    Fuck this shit, why?! why do i have to keep on fighting?! for fucken what?! for who?!
    There is NOTHING to this life, NOTHING!
    People around me, looking at me with admiration, for my determination on training and preparations
    for my trip to Nepal, they have no idea what the true reason im doing it for.
    People around me telling me how good looking i am, because im tall, fit, doing extreme sports, riding motorcycles, they have no idea im doing it all because its dangerous, because i risk my life, because i dont want to live any more, and all i do is based on my need for self destruction!
    Women looking at me, smiling, flirting, yet im 30 and i never EVER had a girl friend!

    No love, no friends, no family i can trust
    I want to cry but i cant, because i trained my body to resist it, for all the bulling i went through during high school,
    i trained my body to hide the pain, because long time ago i promised to myself, i will never ever show weakness

    Fuck! FUUUUUUCK! FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! I WANT TO BURN!
     
  2. partylpoison

    partylpoison Active Member

    same here...And I do agree that world may be full of fucking stupid damn lies. Probably it's upon us to choose which from the lies are we going to believe and make pretend we hold the truth, and then something's gonna happen just to prove that it's really all lies. I'm tired of the lies too that I no longer remember what it's like to deal with nothing but the truth.
    Oh !!! Before I forget, I love your name, seriously, summer rain.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do you think this where all your issues originated? I too was bullied in high school, it still affects me today.
    I honestly don't think those professionals meant to ''lie'' to you as such but were trying to make you feel better in the short term and hoping you would respond to the medications. What will you be doing on Nepal?
     
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Being bullied in high school is just part of what caused me to be the way i am.
    Since i can remember myself, i always felt alone, and with time i could only see it clearer,
    as years went by, my eyes opened and i found out that the only people that care about us, are our families,
    but if you are like me, and have a family that sees you as a black sheep, then there is no one left to care about you.
    Being alone, in a very harsh world, can cause lots of issues even in the most strong and healthy people.
     
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