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I'm really beginning to wonder if my entire life has been a fucking lie to me.. If my parents really are worse then I think they are.. I mean.. I supposedly got my Disability back-pay from last year.. And my mom is my payee.. Yet.. I ask her to even SHOW me the balance on my account and she still hasn't.. She keeps avoiding it.. And then I wonder.. How can they afford to go on a vacation this summer when my dad was out of work so long? And I should have know not to trust her.. yet I did anyway.. And now I'm going to work to get my own money to me directly.. I'm tired of not knowing how much I have.. for one.. If I had got my back-pay from last year, I would have got about $674.. and she said I got about $600 and I've spent about $320 of that or less.. I should have at least $350 in there extra.. then I was calculating my bills and how much I get.. I am supposed to be getting $674 a month.. Bills total only $546.. Leaving $128 extra a month.. And I only see $18 a week of that.. Meaning after all bills are payed I am shorted a little more then $50 a month!! And then she has been saying my electricity has been causing me to almost go over my budget.. How is that possible when I have that $50+ saved in there extra each month??

She also knows I hard have food to eat.. I only see the $18 a week plus $200 in food stamps a month for all my needs besides bills.. How can I live off that?? Especially now that I'm TRYING to live on gluten free food because I think I may have an allergy with it!

Well, I should have expected as much.. I mean, they only NOW want to be apart of my life because I am "better" with my mental health.. They GAVE me to the state when I was 16!! WHY am I trusting them???

I just called her today.. She forgot to pay my phone bill.. ugh.. And then I told her about the note I had on my door from my complex manager.. I have to provide verification of my income and assets within 14 days.. she told me that we would prob have to use some of the funds so it wont look like I have as much.. hm.. well WTF.. I ask how much I got left in there.. She cant even print me out a statement!! Tell me ANYTHING!! I wonder if that is how they are supplementing themselves.. when its MY money to begin with! How the HELL am I supposed to live in this??

So Monday.. I am going to talk to my therapist.. I'm going to figure out HOW THE HELL to get the money directly to ME! So I can actually PAY my bills on time AND see how much I HAVE!!

I also am wondering if part of my life as a child is blocked so much because they are really not who I think they are.. but GOD... I'm just so sick of all the SHIT in my life! And this don't even cover all the shit I'm dealing with atm.. If you want to know all that CRAP read my other threads..


Now that I think about it.. the day my brother died, my parents were with him ALONE.. And they STILL can't give me same answer as to what happened.. I do know THEY pulled the plug.. Sigh.. It's all crashing down.. my entire life feels like it's been a total LIE.. :badday:
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Well-Known Member
ohhhh hunny.... Things seem so hard for you right now...

But remember i'm always here for you... anytime of the day :) you have various means of contacting me so feel free...

much love :wub: :hug:

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I would definetly get your money under your own care now do not let others control your income okay ask to have it returned under your care hugs


Well-Known Member
I am finally realizing all the missing pieces I've had in my life.. of all the things that don't make sense! I am realizing how much of my life has been a lie! Am finally realizing what I need to do! And I know I cannot be broken further then I am! I cannot be broken to suicide no longer!

I am going to take control of my life! Move away and get out of this place! It has damaged me far too long! I need to move on and get control!

I wont be lied to any longer! This month I am going to get my money and disability directly to me! Not my mom.. not ANYONE.. Its MY money and MY LIFE! And I am going to start my life new.. I'm going to get my name changed and move far away! And If I cant move too far, I'm going to get out of here still! If I have to I'll go homeless for a while, because I can take this no longer! I want no more part in my family, and I guess I may be loosing my brothers, but I cannot deal with all the thing I now realize they may have caused!

It's MY LIFE! And I'm going to get it BACK! Nothing will break me! NOTHING!
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