Hey everyone, I see a lot of people here with a lot of different issues that make them want to die, from heartbreak, to loneliness, to general despair, and so on. I would never judge the value of anyone's feelings, because I truly believe that you can't objectively measure whether someone's pain is valid, or how deep it is. Someone could live in complete misery from something like being a germophobe, which a lot of people might shrug off or think is silly. In many cases though, I think it can get better for them, and it is good that they come here to talk it out. To stall for time while they heal. But in other cases there are lives that just can never be put back together. What do you say to them? I am admittedly afraid to die, but I feel I have no other option. My life is really just about as destroyed as it can be. I was severely depressed my whole life, and spent 10 years going to doctors and psychiatrists. I have tried literally every anti-depressant out there. I've also been given lots of creative types of psycho drugs from amphetamines to schitzo drugs to try and make me not hate living. Nothing ever worked. Despite that I was always in the top 1% of everything I did. I graduated college with a double major in finance and business administration, and was near the top of my class in law school without doing a lick of studying, aside form perusing the book once over prior to the final. I always felt like I could see so much more beauty and potential in everything in this world, but the fact that I was so bound to needing money, and having to do work, which I universally hated, for sustainance with no real freedom has always hurt me every second of my existence. I finally gave up about a semester before I would have graduated law school. I was also working full time at a Fortune 100 company while in law school and had a guaranteed high paying job on graduation. But I was so obsessed with killing myself, which I had been since I was about 10, that I couldn't take it anymore. I stopped going to work and school, and started doing drugs. More specifically heroin. I found, in an ironically painful twist, that the heroin actually made me feel happy and normal. I started trying again, and went back to work and school, but unfortunately I was already in so much debt from undergrad, lawschool and city living combined that I was completely destroyed financially before I could complete it. I ended up becoming a daily IV heroin addict from age 23 to the present (turning 27 on August 3rd). Everything in my life is completely destroyed. I am well over $200k in debt. I can't have a bank account let alone an iota of credit. I went 3 months clean off of heroin about 2 months ago, and it was the most agonizing thing in my life. When you inject heroin every day for 4 years, your brain chemistry and neural pathways completely change. I can no longer feel pleasure without heroin, and won't be able to for years if ever. Yes, it takes a minimum of a year to start going back to normal. In the mean time, every second is like hell without it while you are sober. I went back to heroin, but I have no money, so I'm barely getting by. Sometimes I'm homeless and stay at homeless shelters in the ghetto in Chicago. Sometimes I live with my parents. I am in severe withdrawals, which is the most excruciating pain you can imagine (and drives many people to kill themselves alone from the pain), probably 1 out of 3 days, partially sick 1 out of 3, and actually able to get enough to be ok 1 out of 3. There is absolutely no way of ever living a happy or normal life for me ever again, aside from if I win the lottery or magically get a bunch of money. I am trying to work the courage up to just kill myself. I don't believe in heaven though, so the idea of eternal darkness kind of scares me. But the pain is really overriding the fear, and I've tried to OD on heroin twice in the past year (which is actually a lot harder to do for a daily addict than they make it seem on the news; I did 10X my normal dose both times and didn't die). I really do not see how anyone could say my life is worth living anymore. I've been on methadone and suboxone, and both leave me with the raging abyss in my soul that I normally feel. Only heroin for some reason can fill it, and I can't afford it anymore. If you are truly out of options, $200,000 in debt, in constant pain, and have a brain that can no longer experience pleasure or enjoyment from normal things in life, and can't afford the one drug that makes you a normal human being - who could say you should live? Why?