Hi folks, I'm very nervous about posting. In May, I took an overdose of medicine to get high, I panicked and made an attempt. I was in hospital for a week on an IV drip to counter liver damage. I couldn't cope when I came home and have been drinking most nights, one of the hardest things to deal with is quite severe scarring on my arm. If you've ever been here, don't. Get help immediately. I previously had 11 years sobriety so I'm well aware of the vicious circle that connects alcoholism to anxiety and depression. AA became a bad place for me, people rejected me as they couldn't understand how someone who had been a 'poster boy' i.e. very involved could drink again. I'm well aware that the only sensible path for me is abstinence, but I am in such pain that the numbing effect is the only relief for a few hours. I don't sleep and can't get out of the house. In January I was studying second year law at the open university. I achieved distinction in first year, but found the loneliness of OU study unbearable, as I am socially isolated (doing the English law degree but living in Scotland) I was seeing a therapist who had helped me with depression, but she was the driving force in me studying law, I feel she took her eye of the ball and didn't listen to me as she felt if she just kept on pushing me, I would get through the degree, and the therapeutic relationship became toxic, she became at times quite unkind and unsympathetic ( she said I needed to 'take ownership' of the scarring as it was me that did it). I'm currently locked up in my parents house to stop me drinking too much, the confinement is not good but unfortunately essential as I would literally just drink in the street. At the moment, I can't see a way forward, trying and failing makes it very clear, there is NO easy and painless way, better no matter how hard to hang on.