Life ain't worth it anymore ...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Fleshold, Jun 24, 2007.

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  1. Fleshold

    Fleshold Member

    I never really wanted to commit suicide no matter how hard things were, but today I've realized that things can't go right from now on. Even though I am just 17 and I have many years to look forward to, I don't want to go on.
    For as far as I remember I wasn't a happy person. Even in the first years of school everybody made fun of me because I had good grades and they called me a nerd, most of them called me names and I felt like crap. Later on I didn't study so much I picked up guitar, I moved to another school but still I was there to be made fun of.
    I'm having trouble with my parents we often fight.
    Now I'm in highschool in the first year everything was just fine I found a band to play in, I started to act normal I even had a few girlfriends. The band disolved and I got really upset by that, I couldn't talk to anybody for a while, I got over it, then I became friend with a girl. We became best friends. I found another band the band of my dreams, and I fell in love with this girl everything was perfect. In january this year my grandfather died since then all hell broke loose. I started having fights with this girl eventually we broke up and she said to the band members to kick me out and so they did. I was blinded by her love and lost all touch with the people I knew. I was kicked out of my band, my girlfriend left me, and my parents forced me to leave the house. I started to take drugs and drink and even smoke. My ex started to tell all my class mates and all the school that I take drugs and when I walked down the hallway I was a freak in their eyes. I have absolutely no friends I'm all alone, I am at home with my parents I don't know how much longer I can hold on. My head hurts all the time unless I drink or take a few pills. Everybody makes fun of me the only friend I've got is in love with a girl and he's got his problems too I don't want to tell him because he's got his problems too.
    I have failed. I'm left friendless my best friend hates me. My class mates make fun of me. As much as I try to fix things it doesn't work nobody wants to help me, I called for help, they left me alone. The only thing I have is a new band, but it doesn't seem to work out that well.
    I am a total failure. I want to swallow a bunch of sleeping pills drink half of bottle of vodka and wait for things to end. There is nothing good about me, I am unlucky, I am miserable and as much as I want the bad things to go away they won't. I will die ...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Probably the reason your head hurts if you don't use anything is because you begin to go through withdrawals. You may need to seek help for your addiction. This can also lead to depression. Don't wait too long. I am sorry people have treated you the way they have throughout your life. Don't give up hope that there may be a better tomorrow. I think the school years are the toughest. Kids can be cruel to each other. It seems to change somewhat in adulthood from my experiences anyway. You are getting close to that time. Any plans for furthering your education? Please feel free to post here and let us know how we can support you. I am glad you found us. :hug:
  3. Chemical Chaos

    Chemical Chaos Active Member

    it never rains, it pours...hey!

    look, that girl obviously was a wank stain. you just need to dust yourself off and tell yourself that whereever she is...away from you is all you need her to be!

    as for the band, if you are talented at what you do...then there will be other bands. have you tried putting an ad in NME? lots of people are looking for band members, especially guitarists! so keep hoping, pal. :)

    i know that anything to dull the ache seem like a good idea, but you don't need me to tell you that drugs = making things worse.
    come off drugs, forget about that stupid girl, form a band...take over the world...and put everything behind you...

    and when you do make it (which you will do...) may i have free tickets to your gig at brixton academy? hehe

    pm me anytime...

    Draven xxx
  4. Fleshold

    Fleshold Member

    I am really sad, I had a big fight today with everybody... I live in a stupid country, Romania exactly, it's practicaly impossible for me to make it in the music industry. Almost everybody hates me now, I really don't know where to start and what to do? Everything is so clouded in my mind, I really don't have the guts to face tomorrow.
    I just sit alone in my home, except when I go to practice with this new band I found. These guys seem cold to me, I am really scared and I am tired.
    I can't even talk properly anymore, I've started to stutter.
    What can I do? Where should I go? Everybody I know told me that I should fix my problems by myself but it's pretty hard. I'm not even a normal man, I cry everyday in my room. I am so ashamed of myself ... I wish this could end...
    And I don't take the usual drugs like cocaine, heroin or lsd or stuff like that. I take lots of cough pills, 20 pills. I don't have enough money for other drugs...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2007
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    In your brief post, you mentioned a number of positive aspects of your life. It seems that drugs had a lot to do with your downfall. If you get help and work hard to rid yourself of drugs and alcohol, you can regain the life you had, and take things from there. If you learn from your mistakes rather than dwell on them and take things one step at a time, you should be fine.
  6. Fleshold

    Fleshold Member

    Today a cousin of mine has died, he drowned. I am very confused and hopeless about the future as I am in deep sorrow. Why doesn't this end allready? WHY? WHY?!!!!!!
  7. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your cousin. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some magic words to take away the sorrow. Don't be ashamed of crying. I cry almost everyday. You can't keep those feelings bottled-up inside. You've got to let them out and crying is one of the ways to do that.

    I hope you'll stay and talk to us. We all care and want to help you thru this. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2007
  8. Fleshold

    Fleshold Member

    I wish I were normal. I guess I am paranoid and ashamed of what I've become. My heart's broken into a thousand pieces. Why is life so unfair to me? And if isn't how will I be able to go on my own? I feel so alone ... and miserable ... I don't even know how to ask for help properly I'm desperate.
  9. Fleshold

    Fleshold Member

    Things haven't changed into better in fact they are worse :sad:... I guess this is it ... I hope you people won't end up doing this like me. I wish you all the best! HAVE A GREAT LIFE!
    If there was a way I could give someone all the qualities or all the years in my life I would... Enjoy your time on Earth! Goodbyeee
  10. see

    see Well-Known Member

    Nothing I can say to make it better but I have been there and I will be again no words can explain. I am haning on to the hope and support I get from my friends at SF.Here if you need to talk.
    We care!!
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