Haven't been around for a while - mostly cause life's been going pretty good, but today I realized that I've done absolutely nothing in the twenty years of my life in this world. I guess I knew it all along, but I've been listening to a lot of Irish folk music lately so I was sort of into the whole "not going anywhere cause I'm happy right where I am mentality." I was looking at some photos of friends from Uni online and how I'm not with them anymore, it just makes me sad. None of my friends in my home-town will ever share the same feelings I had with my college friends. I miss the closeness and comeradery. I miss the late nights and the cigarrettes - the times we spent walking around campus at all hours of the night. I dont' have money to return and I probably never will, so now I'm at a community college and I fear that they will forget about me. Its just a pathetic situation all around. I stopped cutting for a few months, but this funk is just so depressing. I usually have a cigarrette if I start feeling depressed, it didn't help this time. I can only think of pain right now. I've got a presentation on existential literature due tomorrow and I haven't even begun working on it. Its 12:30 and I'm very, very worried. I've got no one to talk to, and the counselor I've been talking with seems to only want money, he's very impersonal. I can't wait until morning.