"Life can be f*cked up.... and so is suicide"

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by iamloz, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. iamloz

    iamloz New Member

    Hay guys,

    Apologies for the somewhat Blunt title....

    I am new to this board and was hoping to ask a favour....

    I am a 22 yr old girl from Australia, who 11 months ago lost her 19 year old brother to suicide.

    After he died a part of me died too. People say "time heals all wounds" but anyone who has lost someone in such a way knows that "time does not always heal those wounds" ... some wounds remain open forever... never healing... just there always.

    I can put on the "im ok" mask as well as anyone but truth is losing my brother was the single worst thing that has ever and will ever happen to me and my family.

    4 months after my brothers death my dad also tried to commit suicide... the guilt and pain were too much for him....

    He is doing a bit better but when all this happened i had no idea what to do, where to look for support or who to speak to.

    I have amazing friends, who at the drop of a hat would do anything for me... but im not sure if its the same for some of you, but sometimes you dont want to lean on people close to you in fear you are burdening them with your pain...

    I even went into a local book store to look at books dealing with suicide... i found 1..... one which detailed the 600+ websites i could visit for support...

    When i look back i realise all i wanted was to read what other people had gone through and know that i wasnt alone .....

    When you type in 'suicide' into google you are overwhelmed with every possible topic on the situation and have to sift through all the stuff to find one thing, one glimmer of hope...

    This forum is amazing.... i wish my brother knew about this place because at least i would know that he was able to speak to someone....

    I guess all of this, me rambling on, is because i am hoping to put together a EBlog of thoughts and stories from people all over the world who have dealt with suicide.... It would be filled with quotes, poems, sayings, stories and memorials.

    I know there are already hundreds of these out there but one more couldnt hurt...

    If you would like to add your story please feel free to post it here or inbox me... im happy to keep names confidential also...

    thanks so much for your time.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are right the pain never goes To the ones who say it does they never lost someone to suicide. They never felt the guilt of not being there god i feel your pain i wish my brother had some kind of support but his came from a bottle in the end. Again i am sorry for your loss and hope you have some grief councilling in place. remember to take care of you okay I hope your dad has therapy as well.
  3. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear that :hug: Stay here and get some support and friends :arms:
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry for your loss and the following family trauma. I lost my best friend of 35 years to suicide a few months ago and would have much to discuss with you. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish to discuss further. I can only tell you that I am reminded of him on a daily basis and also cannot see how time will aleviate any of this pain.

  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think it is a very honorable thing you are doing. Trying to help others from your own experience. But it is so very important for you to look after yourself too. On those days when the pain is so heavy, or your feelings are all over the place. So yes, please keep posting for your own sake too.

    I am very sorry for the loss of your brother and the pain you are dealing with. I hope that the blog you want to create helps to support you as well as the others that will visit it. Be strong, but on the days you can't, dont hesitate to post here and let us help you through those days.
  6. kat82

    kat82 Member

    First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum to suicide last year, and life has never been the same since. I recognize myself in what you are writing. Having close friends has been very important for me during all of this, but yes, I agree with you, you can't lean too much on them. And even though they are "lifesavers" they will never truly know what you are going through, and hopefully they never will. I really feel with you, these sort of things should never happen, and I'm so thankful your father made it and is doing better. I hope there will be better days, though its hard to picture it now. I try to have faith in the idea that one day I will feel "normal" again, and just enjoy that 'nothing is wrong, I can relax and enjoy the moment'. I hope this will happen for the both of us and anyone else going through hard times. Wish you all the best!! Feel free to PM me!