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life can be pretty annoying

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cutiepie132, May 31, 2012.

  1. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    where do i begin?? living w/ my ex (daughter's dad) and my daughter,, and i'm stuck here and can't move because I can't afford to leave.. i'm taking online medical courses and recently was taking my final exam and he comes home and starts talking to my baby yorkie,, and i ask him to be quiet cause i am taking that test,, and he acts like a little 2 yr old and blows up about it.. he ended up calling me a bitch and i just quit talking to him,, right up until a couple of days ago.. he doesn't care about my feelings at all, just treats me like i'm some kind of dog.. i do everything around here, while he goes and does whatever the hell he wants.. he rarely helps with anything.. sometimes it just pisses me off. and i cannot stand not having any privacy.. and just having to put up with his shit all the time.

    his mother recently had a little chat with my daughter and said I posted a new disease on facebook and she asked her where do I come up with that stuff, she said if I was so sick, how was I going to manage to go to work.. I didn't post on facebook that I had a new disease and even if I did, so what, people get sick. All i posted was that I went and had an EKG and holter test.. but i was having chest pain and irregular heart rhythyms so I went to the dr and he did an EKG and I was having one skipped heart beat after another,, that test is about a minute long, and I bet I had 15 or more show up.. instead of anyone saying I hope it turns out okay,, I get mocked at..

    i went in the kitchen and was talking to my daughter and i was short of breath and my ex started laughing and making jokes about it. i told him i was having palpitations, i couldn't really help it (my pulse was pounding pretty hard),, but he's like "that's a new word, where'd you come up with that",, and then he says the only thing i have wrong is that I am fat.. i'm like buddy, you need to look in the mirror.. i'm only 150,, how much do you weigh.. i've always just had to put up with him and his mother treating me like nothing is wrong with me,, and putting that shit in my kids head.. i have a rheumatoid disease (diagnosed) and they won't fkn lay off. the shit I have went through just because they were acting that way.. the problems it caused with my kids.. they were so resentful over it.. i was nonfunctional when i wasn't on plaquenil and it wasn't depression making me sick.. the illness was causing the depression.. so sick, i couldn't stand to breathe.. never chose this to happen.. it's not my fault. but they act like it is..

    my family is too self consumed in their own lives.. i could tell them that i found out i might have a blockage in my heart and they wouldn't ever ask me how things turned out.. i just kind of feel alone..

    my daughter,, love her w/ all my heart,, and i want her to like me, but she tells me all the time that she doesn't.. and she won't talk to me about why she feels that way, says it makes her too mad.. and maybe part of it was where i was always so sick when she was growing up, i don't know, but I am good to that kid,, she has a good mommy, and i do everything i can for her.. it just sucks so bad that things have to be this way.. my son is the exact opposite,, he always says he loves me when he talks to me..

    i'm excluding the grandmother out of my life now.. if all she can do is talk shit about me behind my back, to my daughter of all people, then she's not going to be around her either.. i want to leave here but i have to wait until i start working and save up some money to get my own place..

    life though,, it just sucks one so bad.. i don't understand why people would pretend to care about you when they don't care at all.. i don't get why they have to act the way they do.. why can't people just be nice?? is that really such a hard thing to do?? i'm just sick of being dragged down.. really hope things get better later on.. trying to get there but I just don't know how it's all going to turn out..

    i just need some people in my life that don't treat me that way.. they push me to the point that i have to question why I keep putting up with my life when it's so crappy.. i don't need that.. i've recovered from severe depressive disorder.. so why do they keep trying to put me back there??