Life can get better!

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by hopeful_changes, Jun 10, 2013.

  1. I just wanted to share my experience and how I overcame my decision to commit suicide.

    I was in a common law relationship, that lasted 7 years. For the last few years of the relationship it had gotten pretty difficult. From the beginning, I was never very assertive, and that led me to eventually feel like I was being controlled, which subsequently turned into resentment. I ended up having an affair and my spouse caught me. We agreed to try and work things out but she never forgave me, and in part I never forgave myself. A few months after we agreed to try and work it out, I started feeling absolutely helpless. I wasn't happy in the relationship, and the control was so severe that I had lost my whole social life. At this point in time I hadn't seen one of my friends in over 6 months. I felt like I was stuck in a place where I couldn't be happy in the relationship anymore, but I also felt that I didn't know who I was without my spouse. It was about this time that I started considering suicide as an option. I feel into a deep depression which lasted about a year and a half. Eventually, between my depression and the lingering resentment over my affair, the relationship ended. It was a very conflicting time for me emotionally. When she left, I hadn't really had anyone else in my life for over 2 years. She moved out in December 2012, and in January or February of this year, I made the decision that I was going to go through with suicide. I was grieving the relationship, I was lost as a person, and I gave up.

    It was that time that one of my coworkers started to pick up on the signs, although he didn't tell me he knew until very recently. I didn't have any friends at this time, and I never had a very close relationship with my family, so I was practically alone. He was very persistent in trying to get me to go hang out with him. I had a lot of anxiety about breaking the habbit I had of isolating myself from everybody, but thanks to his persistence I decided to go with him. Originally, I had only agreed to get him off my back. But, that was the hump I needed to get over in order to jump-start my social life. Over the next couple of months we became great friends, and I started to allow other people into my life as well. I now have a handful of friends that I consider close to me, and dozens of people I hang out with on a regular basis. The depression still affects me, but the feeling of hopelessness is gone. The feelings that there was nothing better, nothing to look forward to eventually disappeared. Once that was gone I was confident enough to seek out professional counseling and am dealing with my depression, anxiety, and self-assertion issues.

    The reason I wanted to share this story is that I came incredibly close to ending my life... I had made the decision, and had even started writing the suicide note. But I didn't follow through, and I have so much hope. I have started a life that I am looking forward to living now. The way I feel today is something that I never thought I would experience again, but I did. And the only thing that made that possible was me, willing to break out of the downward spiral and to give myself a chance. To find people that help you to not feel alone, and for me, that was the hardest feeling to deal with. Being alone and isolated. But there is always someone out there, someone who will have your back. All you have to do is be willing let them in. At least that's how my story played out. And I am so grateful to him, and to myself for allowing him to help me. I know that if that hadn't happened the way that it did, and when it did, that I wouldn't be here today.

    I am not trying to say that people are not capable of overcoming thoughts of suicide alone, but it is incredibly difficult to go through something like that by yourself. And frankly, you don't have to. I would have never thought that this guy would have been the person who saved me from myself. The world is incredible that way...

    -Chris
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2013
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Thank you for sharing and I am glad hope has returned to you. You have a good attitude that will serve you well in completely recovering...
     
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It's always nice to hear that some can recover. And what it takes is often pretty much the opposite of what is being done.

    Do stick around the site, you may be able to offer an insight for others and a new perspective they may not have tried.
     
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Thank you Chris for sharing your story here with us.. I mean really thank you!!!! Your ability to keep going and making few good friends and ending now in a much better place is outstanding..

    Oh so very much negativism and those that have just about given up hope here.. You are proof that it really can get better..
     
  5. Lunartic

    Lunartic Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you Chris, a very honest and heartfelt story. Good luck with the next phase of your journey, please let us know how you get on.
     
  6. Thank you everyone! It's not that the feelings go away completely, I think it's something that sticks with you for a while - But I went from being 100% sure that I was going to do it, to being 100% sure that even when I feel that way, that I won't do it, because I know it gets better and it will always get better.

    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  7. stormfront

    stormfront Member

    Good job, Chris. I remember reading a book about depression and how having friends and lots of social contact helps alleviate depression and suicidal thoughts - how you wind up getting so focused on someone else (doesn't have to be a romantic relationship either) takes your mind off yourself. I struggle with suicidal ideation but was at a party this weekend and got totally immersed in conversation, a few games of horseshoes, volleyball, and next thing I knew I was bummed it was all over. Totally forgot about myself there.
     
  8. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    What a great an inspirational thread! Thank you for sharing!! :)
     
  9. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm glad you are doing well.

    great...
     
  10. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    It's good to know you are doing so well and thank you for sharing your experiences with us. As our thoughts create our reality, when we believe in wonders and miracles, the can and will happen.

    ‘These are the days of miracles and wonders. These are the days of the long distance call . . .’ Paul Simon told us in his album ‘Under African Sky’. Prophetic words, especially when one applies them to the changes that are presently taking place in us and our world. Don’t you think it is miraculous that humankind’s long distance call should be turning out to be a surprisingly short one, namely everybody’s own inner reconnection with the living God Self within? Even though I always have been and will remain highly sceptical when claims of miracles and wonders are made, I do believe with all my heart and soul that all the time they are happening in our world, regardless of the fact that most of the time we are too blind to recognise them.

    To give me a taste of what can and indeed does happen, there have been incidents in my life that have shown me miracles from a different perspective. I can tell you from my own experiences that some amazing things can and do happen on the healing journey. And I am convinced that on your healing travels you will witness miracles of your own that will change your views about this aspect of life, too. Because in God all things are possible, start looking forward to them. The closer we work together with God and the Angels, the more likely it is that miracles shall be worked through and for us and our world, the same as the Jesus legend tells us the Highest once demonstrated through this tale.

    The words ‘Greater miracles you shall see!’ were giving us a foretaste of the greatest miracle of all that would in the fullness of time take place in us and our world. They were an early indication of the spiritual rebirth that is presently taking place in us and our world. Humankind’s long quest of working its way back into the awareness of its own true nature and that of God is at last drawing to its natural conclusion. God and the Angels, as well as the Masters, guides and helpers from the world of spirit are working very hard to show us the way back into the realisation of our true and eternal home.