Hello everyone, my name is Austin and for quite sometime now ive felt like i didn't belong with anywhere.. When i was young my parents never cared much for me and i was mostly raised by my grandparents. My grandfather was the meanest drunk, he used to beat me all the time, throw me up against walls...ect. I remember the day when he passed, i didnt think it was right but i threw myself a little party in the basement (my room) because that stress was out of my life. All this happened before i was 10. I remember going into middle school, thinking everything was going to be different and new and exciting.. Sadly i was mistaken. For 2 years my 6th and 7th grade's were horrible.. I was constantly abused (not physically) but it still hurt.. I remember the day i tried to cut myself, i thought well whats the worse that can happen.. I almost died that day in my bathtub.. maybe i was subconsciously trying to do it? Anyway i got kicked out in 7th grade for the remainder of the year because i snapped.. and by snapped i mean i started hitting this kids head into a locker cause he started about how i didn't have parents and i was a piece of shit. Probably wasnt the best action i could have used there but oh well. High school! - Supposed to be the best times of our lives right...? 9th grade i was the normal kid who had "friends" and wasnt like a nerd or unpopular or anything like that. I was still cutting myself at this point because the rush of doing it was so addicting. Everyday ritual pretty much, i would go into the woods and vibe about the day and do my thing. Well i finally got the courage to ask this girl out, she said yes! Happiest moment of my life. I was 16 at the time, had a car, had a job, had a gf, had many friends, and everything was going so well. The week before prom, 2 years and 7 months later she dumped me... Guess what started again.. everything. The feelings the cutting the everything. This was my first real attempt at suicide.. after it happened i told her, if i cant have you then im going to die. She replied with "good your better off dead anyway" Well this made me go crazy, i wasnt thinking at the time and drove my car head first into a telephone pole going approx 75-80 mph. I didnt die though as you can see, just almost killed myself, went into a coma for 2 days, broke many bones, totaled the car.. I ended up going to prom with another girl, but it really wasnt the same.. i dreamed of takin my old gf to my senior prom in my dads charger and it never happened... With leads me up to today.. Currently i have NO friends, NO job, NO car, NO life, and still heavily depressed.. ive been to all the rehabs, clinics and anti depressents ive tried everything but everytime i look into a mirror at myself i just wanna kill myself.. i cant take it anymore.. so this is my story im sorry its such a long read with horrible spelling and grammer but im not really in the state of mind and im crying a hell of a lot right now. I have my whole plan set up.. im taking <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> in a couple days i havent decided peaceful bliss i guess. Heres out to everyone stronger than me. God bless you all.