Life has been hard and I find myself wishing I was dead. But for some reason, I fear death when the suicidal thoughts aren't there. I don't know why, I think I may die soon anyways. Not sure how, but the thoughts are there. I don't know how to stop thinking of death or how it may be. I just want to enjoy life and those that are in it instead of dreading every moment of it and being scare of death to begin with. Some times, I don't understand myself.