What's the point? I'm so fuckin' sick of my life, I just wish everything would disappear. I wish I would disappear. I don't want to do anything, wake up, work, live. I'm so sick of everything going wrong, and nothing ever going right. I'm so miserable, I can't even think about anything I need to do, anything I have to do. I'm sick of people -- people who are selfish, self centered, and uncaring. How can they possibly ask something of you, when they themselves are not prepared to give a favor if asked. And it's not like just because we did something for them, like we expect it in return. We just need the help. What right do they have? What right do they have to turn you down when you're in desperate need of help [when they have the means and ability to help], but then ask you to do something for them. To turn around and in the next breath question you about why you haven't got what they asked for, or found what they asked you to look for ... If it makes me fucked up for feeling like this -- then fuck it. I must be the worse person in the world. I'm so fuckin' messed up, and I don't even care. I feel like I'm only here to be treated like shit, to be pushed around, and to be degraded. I'm trying to keep my cool. I kept my cool during everything. I'm trying to not let it show, let it show how horrible I feel, because my husband doesn't feel much better. I don't know how much longer I can keep smiling to assure him everything will be fine, to make him think that I'm fine and I believe what's meant to be will be. I feel so unsafe right now, and I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix anything. Are we ever meant to be happy? I know everything doesn't come easy, but does everything always have to be so hard? I'm so fuckin' unsure about everything, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how much more I can take of this. And that scares me.