Life ehh?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lorax, Nov 8, 2014.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Not sure what 'risk' i'm really at. But moving once I wake up. I'm really desperate for another job, only a bill to my name… I'm so happy/ scared/ nervous/ excited. So much to do… I can't face my 'family' if I fail. Or go back to where I was. Guess it's ahead or dead.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Ahead or dead?? No, you don't want to go down that line of thinking. That's black and white thinking (sorry but i noticed that cos i have bpd and its a sign of it), very unhealthy. You need to find a happy medium. You don't want to fail? As long as you are fighting this you're not failing . You said another job? so, do you already have a job? I'd like to know what is really making you feel like a failure, if you root deeper there's usually an underlying cause in the back of your mind.

    I care about you, I really do, I've been reading your posts the past few days and think replied to one. Please do not harm yourself, you have support and you are not a failure, much caring, petal :hug:
  3. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    It's natural (be it flawed) to think that way after a few years. They've thought I have Borderline (bpd is that one i'm assuming?) and Bipolar 1. Plus several other things. I've had pretty b&w thoughts till quite recently.

    Yea, I have a job already. I don't know how many hours it will be, and it's stressful to get set up. I will need another job within 2 weeks to stay though.

    That's pretty easy. My former love interests/ friends/ Family. Mainly the latter talking down to me, my whole life. I'm largely moving to get away from them & to get somewhere I can forget my old life.

    That's kind of you, I do appreciate not being called worthless/ used :D

    The biggest stress right now is: I've never moved out before. I've lived in near isolation for a long time, but never been completely on my own to make it like this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi again Lorax, yeah the black and white/splitting thinking is a symptom of BPD so maybe that's worth looking further into.

    It's great you have a job already, that in itself might make it easier for you to get another one, so I wish you all the best in the job hunting.

    Okay-so people talked down to you, belittled you, made you feel like thrash basically....I have been bullied badly so I can somewhat relate, in my opinion that makes you a better person because you wouldn't treat another person like that. I know that me being bullied made me a stronger person.

    When you say you lived in near isolation before, do you mean like you didn't leave the house, became a recluse? Everyone knows here that I stayed in my home for years without leaving it so I may be able to help you on this one.

    As for your biggest stress, you will never found out if you don't do it, if you feel you are capable and able to move and start a brand new life somewhere else will help you and make you better then by all means go for it.

    Kind regards, Petal.
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I'm fairly sure I know what's going on with mental health. I'm not insured where I am now, so it can wait. I have a pretty good med doc in other state.

    Haha thanks, it's a good job title. If not the best job ever. Pretty easy though. I have 2 completely different cities to try in. I really like one, the other has more work though.

    Yea, I kind of tune it out anymore. It's hard to make my self go all-in with my life now, but I love showing people up. I don't want to go back to my family.

    'Near isolation' as in I was very A-Social most my life. Lots of time watching my dad at home, or just hiding from other people. Too much time helping my dad, not used to being out in public. Plus I'm prone to panic attacks in lots of places.

    I'm sure I 'can' do it. I know it's better now than any other time. I'm at my new place now, and just love it. I'm still scared though. I'm used to helping someone else, but I'm horrible at supporting my self. I just really want to live where I feel happy. Which would be here.

    If this falls through, I may go plan B. Just go completely 'off the grid' and run far away. Kind of same as Plan A, but not even my friends will know where I go. Plan C is a last resort.
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