Life feels like it simply isn't for me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by is_god_alanis, Jun 13, 2007.

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  1. is_god_alanis

    is_god_alanis Member

    I am finding it hard to find words for this post. I have increasingly thought about committing suicide over the past year now. I feel as though life isn't for me. I am only young, 18, and i have a boyfriend that i am very much in love with. I guess in one way i am jealous of his life, being in the navy he gets to go to exciting places, he has a solid career plan. I dont, i can't see myself being happy, i don't want a 9 - 5 job, i'd want an interesting job. But then i come to my problem about life, im an atheist, i very much have a scientific view on life, biological organisms just trying to survive, made of elements and when we die, we decompose back into those elements and thats it. Nothing can convince me otherwise. Because of my views i just feel that there is no point in life, why struggle through years of possibly unhappiness to then die. Or even to live a happy life and then die too. Everyone i love is going to die, i am going to die. I have dreams about dying and its just a blackness. I know people say well, if you're going to die anyway why not die happy. I've tried to be like that by its always in the back of my mind, i feel like i'm a fraud when i'm happy. I feel as though science has ruined my life, i wish that i could believe in god and some form of afterlife and i have the greatest respect for people who do. I don't agree with them, i believe that religion is something to comfort people for when they do die and this obviously works for people who do believe. I know some people may be angry at me about saying this but i'm just being honest. This is a very long post and i'm sorry, but i was just wondering if anyone else feels like this?
  2. -Deception-

    -Deception- Well-Known Member

    Interesting how similar our views on life seem to be. All I can think of nowadays, whether I'm travelling on the subway, eating lunch or watching TV, is that everything lacks meaning. Everything is pointless. Indeed, why suffer the agony of life if there in the end is no goal, no finish. Just emptiness. A void. No God. Nothing.

    This world is filled with illusions. Man-made illusions to relieve the pain of a meaningless life. We can't stand the idea of just being animals, so we invent languages, we invent love, we invent machines and we invent a purpose for ourselves. But all things come to an end, and so will humanity. So why not end the misery of life soon rather than late?

    Why try to build something when it only will demand maintenance and renovation? Why try to fix a relationship when you either will die or grow tired and break up? Why try to change this world when everything you've worked so hard for can (and inevitably will) be ruined in a few seconds or hours.

    Why is it easier to destroy than create? This world is so messed up in every aspect of the word.

    So yes, if this is what you're feeling, if this realization makes it harder for you to get out of bed in the morning, if it makes you go: "why bother with anything?", then you're not alone. I'm having the exact same dilemmas. And my conclusion is that there is no point in going on. Suffering for the sake of suffering is not my idea of fun.
  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Sadly I do know what you mean and have had the same thought's ever so often,I've said it to my Dr also you die in the end regardless so what's the point really?.My Dr said to me but you could miss out on all the experiences that you will gain joy from,to me I see it as you go through pain and eventually bow out anyway.I also said to myself if you are able to have a happy life I applaud you,but in my case if you don't feel you can,and have exhausted all avenues then it's up to the person and their decision should be respected.

    I'm really sorry my opinion is more based on my own personal experience's,not anyone else's.I really hope you're able to find happiness and won't encourage you to do anything drastic.
  4. is_god_alanis

    is_god_alanis Member

    I know exactly what you mean. My Dr gives me statistics for % of people who die at each age...she thought it would make me realise that its very unlikely that i will get hit by a bus tomorrow and thus, there is a point for life.. but the graph has a positive correlation with age.. which just depresses me even more - its going to happen. So what is the point? why wait? why can't i be selfish? its not as if i'm going to know anything about the consequences. My mum said she had a bad experiencve with a oui ja board. She knows how i feel about there being nothing after we die but still refuses to let me experiment with them. I've been tempted to buy one myself but if i'm honest i think it is a load of bollocks. I just feel trapped on this road, going to uni, trying to get a job, starting a family, retiring, and then dying. I don't want to do all of that.
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, I can understand where you're coming from and thinking life is pointless seeing as we're all gonna die anyway but life is an experience, just like ace's doctor said. At the risk of sounding patronising, you are still young (I'm not much older at all at 19) and you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you have any dreams? Hopes for the future? Ambitions? Do you have a career in mind? We are all squeezed into modelling the typical family with children living a boring 9 - 5 job but it doesn't have to be that way!

    There's a whole world out there, for us. For every one of us and we need to grasp it with both hands and take advantage of what's out there. I sound like I'm preaching and I'm making everything sound so light and refreshing and I know it's not as straight forward as that, but what I'm trying to say is, there's a lot of opportunities out there. Your boyfriend is seeing the world and you admit you're a little envious, you can see the world too and experience what he is experiences, our eyes are the magnets to our memories. We all know life isn't perfect, but life does have stuff to offer you, I hope you stick around long enough to see it.

    Take care of yourself. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2007
  6. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    That is a great point. As Joseph Campbell said, when people talk about meaning in life, what they really are talking about is "the experience of being alive."
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 14, 2007
  7. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    Science isn't ruining your life. Depression is ruining your life. Atheists like Carl Sagan lived very happy, productive lives. Indeed, most scientists live happy, productive lives while being concerned for the welfare of others.

    Atheism is more popular in the UK than in the US. However, in the US, there are many atheists, e.g. the movement of atheists called "The Brights." (Also, most of my friends in college were happy atheists.)

    Also, you are only 18 years old, so it's normal to be experiencing some existential angst or "adjustment issues." Feeling suicidal or chronically depressed, however, requires professional intervention. You really need to see a therapist. If you've already seen a therapist, try another one. Even Shakespeare's Hamlet would have benefited from cognitive behavior therapy:

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 14, 2007
  8. mag

    mag Member

    Hi,I.G.A, I been their and understand. I found naturalistic pantheism that gave me the spirituality that I needed with out the need of supernaturalism Now I have joy in my life and find meaning in it .I discovered "Reverence For Life", that makes me look at the world differently. Go on the World Pantheism Movement web site,I hope you find your happiness because it's a great world out there.:biggrin:
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