I am finding it hard to find words for this post. I have increasingly thought about committing suicide over the past year now. I feel as though life isn't for me. I am only young, 18, and i have a boyfriend that i am very much in love with. I guess in one way i am jealous of his life, being in the navy he gets to go to exciting places, he has a solid career plan. I dont, i can't see myself being happy, i don't want a 9 - 5 job, i'd want an interesting job. But then i come to my problem about life, im an atheist, i very much have a scientific view on life, biological organisms just trying to survive, made of elements and when we die, we decompose back into those elements and thats it. Nothing can convince me otherwise. Because of my views i just feel that there is no point in life, why struggle through years of possibly unhappiness to then die. Or even to live a happy life and then die too. Everyone i love is going to die, i am going to die. I have dreams about dying and its just a blackness. I know people say well, if you're going to die anyway why not die happy. I've tried to be like that by its always in the back of my mind, i feel like i'm a fraud when i'm happy. I feel as though science has ruined my life, i wish that i could believe in god and some form of afterlife and i have the greatest respect for people who do. I don't agree with them, i believe that religion is something to comfort people for when they do die and this obviously works for people who do believe. I know some people may be angry at me about saying this but i'm just being honest. This is a very long post and i'm sorry, but i was just wondering if anyone else feels like this?