Hello all. First post here.. Just need to rant, to tell my story.. I am not a sociable guy. I am funny, no doubts, and in one on one interaction I am a great conversationalist, but I don't like crowds, hell, I don't even really like it if my car is full. So it is kinda hard to make friends at times. Those I do make, are usually friends of friends I allready have, so on and so forth. I also have trust issues when it comes to relationships. Out of the 6 women I have dated long term, 4 of them have cheated on me, 3 of them with my best friends at the time. This has left me a bit of a paranoid person when it comes to infidelity. So, to the meat of the story. About half a year ago, I met an amazing woman, and fell in love at first site. She was also very into me, and after talking for a few hours over the internet, we had already made plans to hang out and had already started divulging secrets that, with most others, I wouldn't even dare dream of telling, we just had that kind of chemistry. We had an amazing, incredible three months, the time of my life. Nothing could have been better. The sex was great (I can pride myself on honestly being good, and her willingness to give anything a shot, and sheer love of it just made for an awesome combo...), the relationship was great, and the friendship was awesome. One night, while discussing things to try in the bed (we were both rather kinky), she brought up the subject of a threesom. I said I was totally down, we'd just have to find a willing third, and she replied that she allready had someone in mind. When I asked, she replied that it was my best friend. This is when I told her of my past relations, and why this is such a hard thing to ask. She said it was ok if I said no, but I could tell that it wouldn't be. I replied that we'd have to ask him, on the condition that it was a no strings attached deal. He said he'd think about it, and after they spent a day walking around town, he said he would have to decline, because he wasn't sure he'd be able to not form an attachment for her, and that one was allready starting. She said that it was probably for the best that he said no, and at that point I was openly agreeing with her. She said she had a few loose ends to tie up with him, and had to see him again. I said this was ok, and expected it to be sometime down the road. But, after spending the weekend with me (I work out of town, and can only spend nights at home on the weekends), the very next day she was hanging out with him, and when I found out about this, I started to text her, just chatting, and slowly the texts started to be responded to slower and slower. Around 7PM, I had sent three texts, each a half hour apart, and none were awensered. By 8, I knew something was wrong, so I called her. No awnser, nor any of the 6 times I called after that. Finally, shortly after midnight, she awnsers very angrily, asking me why I kept calling, and couldn't give her a little space. In the background, I could hear him ask who it was. This started a whole crap storm, and after finding out that she had indeed fudged him that day, I got angry and pretty much told her to get hit by a bus. So, a few days later, I am tired of drinking by myself and phone up my other buddies. One of them tells me he's too busy in his life right now for my drama, and promptly hangs up. The other tells me that if me and man who stole my girl ain't friends, then we aren't friends. So I am left here with nothing really. I lost the woman who could have been the love of my life, my best friend, and my only friends. I do have a few other people I call "friend", but not to the same level as these others were. All of this sent me into a pretty deep depression, during which I lost my job, and have had to sell most of my things to keep afloat, along with moving back in with my mother to keep myself off the streets. I know I need to pick myself back up and get my life going, but I just can't find any motivation, any will or want to go on. I am honestly tired of living on this planet. I'm not suicidal, I am more likely to go race my car down a logging road then jump off a building, I am just tired of people, of being around them, of having to deal with all the bad apples and trying to find the good. If I could, I'd spend my time just learning. I don't want to be bothered by people, or relationships, or emotions, I just want to be left alone to acquire knowledge.... I dunno, I guess I just needed to vent, to get my anger off my chest and put it down somewhere. Thanks to any who have taken the time to read this emotional wrecks ramblings.