Life in general

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chloe, Dec 27, 2012.

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  1. Chloe

    Chloe Member

    I don't even really know what I am supposed to write on here but I am so unhappy, my whole life has been one drama after another. I grew up with a violent dad for a very long time, I then had a very bad experience when I was 15, I then came out of a three year relationship which was at times also violent but it was also the best time of my life and I have never really gotten over it despite having another relationship since. I seem to have problem after problem! I have a number of close good friends but most of the time I just want to lock myself in a room. I have also cut myself for the last 10 years, it's never bad like I needed treatment but I uses people would still say it was wrong. It's the first thing I think to turn too.

    Recently I have gotten myself into another stupid situation at work and its like I am trapped In this job. This other person has had an attempted suicide three years ago, and now I feel I have to cope with there unstableness also, I don't mean that in a patronising way it all, but its like a constant roller coaster of emotions, I feel sick with worry all the time.

    Overall I have things most people would love, a job, a home a d some friends but I have never been so unhappy and down, I am tired of life, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, I am so fed up and I can't ever see a point where I will not feel like this, only one person really knows what I do but because of their situation I know it is too hard for them to cope with. I am torn between wanting to die but feeling guilty to those I leave, it's like I am alive purely for their sake, but I just can't keep going on
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Chlo it is good to see you reaching out here hun. You have not said if you have professional help or not if not maybe some therapy hun will help you on a path not so turbulent will also help you heal from past abuses. I have tried antidepressants and they work hun to help pull you out of the depression the sadness so you can start fighting again to regain your live back
    You sound so sad hun i do hope you reach out and get the help you need and deserve hun so you gain stay and be with the ones that really care about you with joy hun not sadness hugs
     
  3. Chloe

    Chloe Member

    Hi,

    Thanks for writing back, I haven't had professional help but I have been told I should, I went to the doctors recently for something trivial and ended up breaking down, they recommended I speak to someone. But I feel I need answers not just coming to my own conclusions which I know is what I am meant to do. I also have a friend who suffered with bi-polar and self harmed severely where I would end up taking him to hospital, so when I think of myself compared to him I think I'm not really bad enough to get help if that makes sense. I could feel like this for a few weeks, then I could have a week where I am absolutely fine and I will think I was stupid for feeling so low and in my head I will put it down to exaggerating how I feel. But one small thing can put me back instantly to despair. As I've read back what I've written before, it is exactly how I feel, I am living my life purely because I don't want to hurt those close to me, it's not for me at all, but then why should I have to live so unhappy for others? I can't even make sense of it in my own head, let alone how confused anyone else would probably be reading this? I am just sick and tired of putting a face on things for other people, I have recently bought my own house which will be ready in May and the only thing I am looking forward to is being able to go home after work and just cry if I need to and not have to answer any questions.

    I am glad I stumbled across this forum because it does feel good to say these things to people who are impartial, it wasn't what I was searching for but luckily it appeared in the search.
     
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