Crap. Total crap. Life is just a big fucking joke, innit? Some have it easy, born with a silver spoon in their mouth while others have to work shit money to make ends meet... I am the latter. Always struggled to do anything in my life. Never had a chance to do the things I probably had talent for. Seeing others making it only thanks to recommendation, the big/little mafia connections that have been going on since the crack of dawn of this planet among humans. Why? What is the purpose of being? Truly, what is it? I had to sacrifice my inner talent or what I believe might be an inner artistic talent, in order to survive on my own, to make ends meet and be independent. Working crap jobs that have nothing, absofuckinglutely nothing to do with me and me. Taking crap from people out of jobs that I hated and still despise. What is the point in suffering? Some people in some culture call those who kill themselves, the damned ones. Those who are destined to never leave this planet even after their tragic, self inflicted death, their soul endlessly wandering in the darkness. If that is true I don't know what is more painful: living this life or dying your life. It really is living the death, dying the life in this existence. Are we human destined to become completely extinct, like beautiful tigers are soon to be thanks to vile, vicious acts perpetrated by humans? If we are destined to become extinct, what is the power greater than us that will wipe us out for good? Frankly I don't think I wanna see what's it gonna be or wether more simply we are going to rip each others out to shreds, but I know that I won't be living long enough to even witness a third world war... Perhaps suicide is not the answer. Sometimes just is. I will never be happy because in order to be happy I would have to gain the things that I have never, ever gained in my life such as recognition for my skills to start with. That has not happened yet and given my age it is too late now for that to happen anyway. Everyone is looking for the nexy young bright promise out there. It's too late. Too fucking late. My family have never fully supported me and I resent them for the shit words they used against my creativity, telling me I should do other things instead of what I was doing. It has encrypted in my head so well that I have not been able to do the things I used to do in artistic terms. I don't have kids, no family of my own, so I am not really leaving much behind by killing myself other than my biological family. I wish I was born into a completely different family. One with the financial and psychological means to support me and caring for my happiness. Never had real love returned from those I thought I loved. The only true, sincere love I had without getting asked anything back, is the love from all the pets I had in the past. Now I cannot even have a cat in my dwellings, not allowed by my stupid landlord. I envy those who had it all easy for themselves since they were born. Look at most of the current young "celebrities" (man I hate that fucking word overrated by those ignorant journalists) - they all had it easy since they started their shitty careers. I envy those who lived times where values where different from current ones, like money, money, money, being over competitive, power over others, money and more money. I was born in the wrong era. Fucking crap. Just total crap. There is not point in continuing this pain called life on this crap planet.