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Life is a big mess that kills you first...or takes you down till you do die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TLA, Apr 17, 2012.

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  1. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    People say "Remember that you are in control of how you percieve the events in your life. You are the source of your own happiness".
    What if you lack control and have no control due to things that happened when you were young & dumb.
    What if you have no happiness, if it is gone from you due to Mental Health problems.
    What if you have no goals, dreams or family anymore because of said Mental Problems.
    Why can't things get easier, NOOOOO, that would mean you can conquer this and we can't have you beat the MENTAL DEMONS

    I was going to do something simple this past weekend like apply for a new job in another town,....But I have no references from former jobs to give, so how will I move on?....I am in a dead end job now. Damnit.

    I wanted this new job in new town to start over to be near my son. Who wants a woman that loses custody cuz she has (again, all together now) Mental Problems?

    If I'm in control of how I percieve things then, someone give me a new eyeglass prescription please....I messed things up royally.

    It's more than "life sucks" .....it is more like "life is a big mess that kills you first or takes you down till you do die".
    Life does not need to kill me, I'll help it along...'die sucker, die'.

    thanks for listening,
  2. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Hi tla
    Sometimes we dont have control over some events which yeah does sux but all we can do is our best to get through them.Did you apply for that new job what i generally do is tell new employer that i lost contact with former bosses so i cant get a reference does work sometimes and if you can sell yourself really good that can work too.Try to stay positive and mental health issues should not stop you achieving set goals.It will sometimes make things harder to cope with but one thing about life also is always learning new strategies.And aanother thing we all mess up from time to time so dont be so hard on yourself.Please take care and keep posting if need to.
  3. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    thanks spidy for writing. i slept allllll day and had headcahes becuz of it. Maybe I needed to escape from the world a bit, but I do nothing in free time than stay on computer looking for jobs and reading useless news. hahaha
    I have friends that offered to be references. The letters are just harder to acquire. I will make time to call main office tmw to ask Director if she received the email.
    I know I'm hard on myself, people comment on that all the time. I just expected more from myself in life. Now, nothing.
    "messing up from time to time" would not be so bad....but I'm talking of every proffessional job I've had. Bipolar has affected me so much that I may be done with a teaching career. Some professions are harder on your health than others. Sure wish I was a nurse.

    I really did not know where to put my post, cuz the emotions of this come & go, come & go so fast...I guess depression is that way. I see pdoc tmw. which is a miracle that I am so down. Usually I am fine, he just gives me a refill and listens. The financial bit will piss me off some, but I can cope with that. You make more money, you pay more bills, such is life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2012
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Have you thought about doing a teaching job on the internet there are heaps of opportunities with that but in saying that you still need to get out.Maybe you could do a course in some sort of health work if thats what your interested in.I understand the emotions that come and go suffer that myself.Try not be hard on yourself as you can only achieve so much and dont let your illness stop you from achieving things you just need to work on some stratagies to cope with it.You sound like you want to try your best and i wish you the best and if need please keep seeking help here too we all listen hahaha read but are here for support take care
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