life is a dream

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by morfea, Oct 10, 2009.

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  1. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Hello everyone!
    This is my first forum abt suicide and my first attempt to find people like me on the net. I have 4 suicide attempts, first when I was 12, last when I was 23 yrs, and from the beginning of this year depression hit me so hard that I am thinking about it again, first time after abt 20 yrs. The only reason I don't do it are my children. I chose this nick because ever since I can remember I hope to wake up from this dream that is life. As long as the kids are with me I am sure I will not commit suicide but it has become so exausting to live. I hope I can find people who had similar experiences, and to make my life a little bit easier, to stop the pain in the chest and crying almost every day and not having will to do anything but what is absouletely necessary.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hi, welcome to sf. Having this forum to come to has been good for me. It is crucial to be able to talk about this with others who know what it's like.

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome to SF!!
  4. Astarael

    Astarael Member

    Ana, my son is the only thing that consistently keeps me alive, as well. I am glad we both found this place, and each other, at that. Warmest regards to you...
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum my daughter is all i have as well to keep me going.
    Are you on medication or getting some kind of therapy as both do help. Glad you can come here to talk to us
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum Ana :)
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Ana. I hope we can help support you in these rough days. :hug:
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
  9. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Thank you everyone for your support!
    I am on medication, AD, 4 months now, but it doesn't do me any good,
    have very bad experience with them anyway... last time I took them was abt 20 yrs ago and I thought this time would be better... but I promised myself I will give it a try for 6 months, since my dr said that's minimum time to see the real effects
    I had therapy in my 20-s, after that read a lot of books abt psychology, learnt a bit how the mind works, what self-defence tactics I had developed in my childhood and how they prevent me from realizing myself fully later, forgave my parents, understand that what they did was in the past and nothing could change that... even accept that all the abuse and neglect they did was inadvertently, they didn't know better...
    I guess I thought I was over with depression and it would never come again, but here it is, in its worst form, I've come to the point of hating my own children coz they're the only reason for me to be alive,my son is 18 and daughter is 16, never in these 18 yrs have I had such a thought and I'm so ashamed of it
  10. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Ana. :rose:
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Hey! Welcome to Sf. Hope that you find what you are looking for here.
  12. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    thank you for your wellcomes...feel better then yesterday...been reading the posts here...never thought I could find so many people who had similar a way it's sad there are so many, and good at the same time, it's kind of comforting to finally find someone who can understand, I'll sleep better tonight, hope you will too
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Ana, welcome to the forums!! I hope we can support or comfort you in your time of need..
  14. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    thank you, I feel the support already
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