Hello everyone! This is my first forum abt suicide and my first attempt to find people like me on the net. I have 4 suicide attempts, first when I was 12, last when I was 23 yrs, and from the beginning of this year depression hit me so hard that I am thinking about it again, first time after abt 20 yrs. The only reason I don't do it are my children. I chose this nick because ever since I can remember I hope to wake up from this dream that is life. As long as the kids are with me I am sure I will not commit suicide but it has become so exausting to live. I hope I can find people who had similar experiences, and to make my life a little bit easier, to stop the pain in the chest and crying almost every day and not having will to do anything but what is absouletely necessary.