Why do people say to "hold on" and also say "don't do it", when non-existence would be very less painful than this brutal and cold harsh world that will eat you alive from the inside out? What if I am not very depressed but instead very curious (like a scientist) about what happens after death and I want to find out now? All I need is a love in my life. However, I lost the one true love and still dream about her after 7 years. I would much rather die than be alone. So answer me, why I would want to hold on rather than die and end my suffering? Isn't non-existence (Nirvana) better than life (Suffering)? This is a letter I wrote that I was going to give to my friends on MySpace, but decided against it, that it would be a bad idea. This describes somewhat how I feel: "To my friends and family: Over the past few years I have hidden myself away from the world, and regretfully from you. I thought that I was safe inside my own world, my own cave. I was trying to protect myself from the cruel, harsh and unjust world. Trying to shelter myself I thought I could shield myself from the pain. It is just now that I fully realize how foolishly wrong I have been. I know that I hurt myself much more than this world ever has to me. I am my worst enemy, and now I see more fully than before. Too arrogant to think I could make it on my own and that I believed I did not need anyone, it is now more than ever before that I need my friends and family. I am so sorry to hide from you. Friends should never hide from one another. Too much has happened that has been very painful and that is the reason I have been alone in my own world for quite some time. I have been so distraught and tired of hanging on day by day. I have fell to my lowest points over the last few years and I need your help to pick me up. I don't want to ignore the world and wish it would go away anymore. I would like to embrace it, but I lost my way and cannot find the path again on my own."