Life is a mess suffering depression and just wanna end it all

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mbrace, Jan 17, 2012.

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  1. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    my life is such a mess i had a good job but was recently made redundant. I had the girl of my dreams and a little girl despite her not being mine (i got with the girl when she was pregnant) i bought her up from day one and she called me daddy. Then boom i lose my job, my fiancee starts becoming distance, we had an argument and she chucks me out i'm away for one night and she rings me telling me shes made a big mistake and i go back. We go through xmas and then shes throwing me out again, she invites me over and i find a used condom in the bin! She tells me she made a drunk mistake on new years eve and she was lonely. I leave again a few days later shes asking me to move back to the area so that we can try and mend our relationship low and behold i run back, she rings me a few days later to borrow the car i drop it around and discover shes been inviting her two exes over! I took her in when her mum threw her out put all the money down on a place for the three of us, i borrowed £8000 from my bank so we where secure and now i'm left with nothing. So i've walked away i'm staying with my grandparents but she keeps messaging me to go and see her, and to move back so we can be friends but its just to much for me, and just want out i'm on antidepresstants as it is and just tempted to take them all as well i've got sleeping pills as well its the only outcome i see. I've tried it once and this time i don't intend to fail
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    OMG hun do not go back there okay she is a gold digger she is using all of you to get what she wants Please h un please you take care of you NOW okay You get help for y our depression you get therapy to get you to see things more clearly and you move on and find someone that deserves your love hun someone that will not take advantage of you hugs
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    ^^ It sounds like you have had enough and you don't want any thing to do with her. You've taken a brave step to walk away. In spite of all the caring you have shown her and her daughter, she does not sound like she is a good "friend" to have. She has hurt you and abused your caring. You deserve so much more - you deserve to be with a woman who loves you as much as you love her.

    Take it one day at a time for now. Don't give up on yourself - you're a good person! Please stay safe and know that people here are thinking of you. Keep us updated. :hug:
     
  4. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    doesn't help when she sends me a message saying shes thinking of me
     
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    No, it doesn't help when she does that. But is she thinking of YOU or is she thinking of what else you can do for HER? From what you wrote, she seems to be "saying" she cares, but she sure isn't "behaving" as though she does. So many times, actions speak louder than words. You are a good person and you deserve to be loved, not toyed with and used. :hug:
     
  6. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    i honestly don't know i miss her like mad, but it could b that shes saying it cause nobody else was speaking to her
     
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :hug: She obviously had qualities that made you like her in the first place and maybe those are what you are missing. But I bet you're also missing the "idea" of what you thought the relationship was. IMO, she has not been treating you very nicely. If I had a partner who slept with other people and lied or came up with a flimsy excuse, that would be more than enough for me to walk away forever. She seems to be abusing your kind nature. You deserve better than that. Really.
     
  8. Hey mate, i know how you feel, my ex well we were 2 weeks away from moving in together, her moving down here and i find out our whole relationship was a lie.

    Being an Optimist (most the time) if she text or called me now i would still try work things out cause i look at the best in people and have faith in that person. Sometimes though you just have to man the fuck up and just walk away. It hurts, it feels wrong but you have to do it, when someone takes the piss that much there is pretty much no going back. My ex cleared me out, destroyed every hope i had and to be honest it just pissed me off to work harder, go to the gym more, be a better and more interesting human being than she ever will be. I am looking at getting out the UK and moving to OZ as there isn;t much here for me now except my job.

    Enjoy your grandparents company, just have a laugh with them then start going out meeting women, do not let this person beat you, let it piss you off so you come back stronger and better.
     
  9. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    i'm having problems getting any sleep i'm on citalopram and every time i do get to sleep i end up dreaming about her and it happens a good few times a night
     
  10. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Hmm, sorry to hear about that... I tend to be afraid to go to sleep because of my nightmares that I get every once and a while. Hope you'll get better sleep here in the future :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  11. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    so she helps matters by telling me she still has feelings for me
     
  12. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I guess that's a logical assumption. We will support anyone that's the boards ethos. I hope your night/day is going well?

    Trevor,
     
  13. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    so i decided to blank her for the past three days till she caught me on msn and asked why i was ignoring her i told because i still love her i can't have her talking to me 24/7 or i'l just keep clinging to the hope we can make it work, then she informs me that i'm the best person shes had in her life and she misses our long chats we use to have! Yet more messing my head :S. On a positive note i've a job interview tomorrow
     
  14. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    well not been on here in a while but the past few days I have gone back into a state of depression and the suicidal thoughts came back into my head.....I'm missing my ex like mad and just want her back I know its not gonna happen....anyway last night I thought have a last week doing things I want to do and then i'm going to get it done and dusted it actually made me happy thinking about ending my life and am sure i'll go out with a smile on my face. Thank you all for you advice and kind words.
     
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