Life is actually really really unfair

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by pooky, Aug 1, 2014.

  1. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    Today , I went to give an interview for admission to masters degree. I have ranked high among many candidates, with little studying(the exam was easy) due to my own effort. Haha

    Anyway, I sat down for the interview. One old man was taking it. Then to my shock he started by saying that "You will never get a decent job in your life because you have squint. Go to your nearest hospital and get a surgery done on your eyes or else in the future you will definitely be blind. Your subordinates will make fun of you because of your problem. Go tell your daddy to make you stay at home. " He also told me how much squint I had. He then told me that the interview was over and that I should leave the room immediately.

    Now, he is acting as if it's my fault that I have squint...Life is just not fair...When that old retard dies, I wish that he will burn in hell.Period.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Pooki, some people are just insensitive assholes you have to look past it. When I was little I had a squint (somehow it disappeared on its own), none of my friends ever said anything about it but my own sisters as kids made fun of me for it. It wasn't nice. Did you find out if you got into the masters degree programme? I hope you did and people are always going to have something bad to say, it's the way you deal with it that makes the difference :)
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Pooky,

    That was not nice. You will succeed and do think anything else. That was very insensitive. Please do not let that put you off. I wish you the success for the future.

    Kind Regards

  4. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Thank you Petal and incrisis99 for replying to the thread and understanding the situation.

    @Petal: The result of the interview will be out in two weeks. (I was ranked 27 out of 400 candidates in written exam. I studied very little for this written test. Its difficult for me to do things effectively as I have severe schizophrenia) Then only I will actually know if I got into that college.I believe my net rank (written exam + interview) would be much lower but I will somehow make it.(That's just an assumption)

    I did not take that old monkey's words negatively. I came back home and became more positive , simply by thinking that there are many many people who are worse than me and those cheap insensitive words of that monkey would not bring me down. I would channelize my energy into something positive like taking care of myself or volunteering my time. I have become much stronger as an individual than before.

    @incrisis99: Thank you so much for your kind words. I am taking everything positively that are thrown at me and I hope to succeed in the future.

    My biggest challenge is not simply getting into a good masters college (I know I can do that again) (been in an extremely good college in 2012, dropped out of it after a month) but actually to hold myself in that position. I have to go to college everyday and that is where a schizophrenic like me finds it challenging.

    I think that my rank would ultimately come down very much (due to no fault of my own) but my gut feeling is saying that I would make it. The ultimate challenge is to hold on to it.

    Let me have patience for two more weeks...

    Any tip on how to regularly attend college if someone has a mental illness? (I am positive. I have the desire to attend classes regularly)
  5. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    Today I joined masters college (a different college from the previous one, where a retarded monkey was taking my interview:topsy_turvy:) and attended the first class. The class strength is exactly 100. I have made only one friend there (one friend is far better than having no friends). I joined one month late. No problems, I will manage it.

    I have a mental illness as stated earlier. I want you good people of SF to tell me how to attend classes REGULARLY without an exception.
    I failed in 2012(and also before that), but I will not fail this time. I must attend classes REGULARLY.

    So any tip on how to be more energetic and go to college regularly?
    (I have deep desire to earn money to feed myself, do social work, make a difference in at least one person's life in a positive way)

    Can I do the unthinkable?

    Yes I can. Although I have struggled a lot in my life, have failed innumerable times, but I do not give up.

    I want to volunteer my time, earn enough cash to feed my tummy(reaching there), and lastly make a positive impact on at least a few people's lives and thus feel good and ultimately be happy, after all to be happy should be the goal in every human's life.

    These are some of the things I have struggled with, in other words these are the things I remember at this time I had difficulty with:

    1. Heavily Bullied in school - because I was the quietest in the class, due to eye problems, and because of chemical imbalance in brain I behaved oddly so I was bullied. Peers used to physically and verbally abuse me, tell lies about me to the teachers (and the funny thing was that some of the teachers believed the ones who bullied me instead of me) , call me names, used to trash talk about me.

    I was kicked out of the basketball team in school (by the bullies) when my schizophrenic episodes began (and no one was even aware of that)

    I have forgiven them but not forgotten some of the most horrific incidents. Those incidents could take pages to write about. Haha

    They are losers,inhuman, not me. I know this fact now, I have nothing to loose because I hardly have anything left now.
  6. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...


    2. Never had a good friend at school, or at graduation college - because I was the quietest in the class. Some peers wanted to reach out to me, but I just ignored them as I had fear in me.

    Now, the fear of people has decreased a lot thanks to my own effort and nobody's else help. haha (this is the truth, I mean how long can a person stay down, he has to get out of the depths of hell one day)

    3. I have been a victim of unrequited love twice, i.e. the love was just from my side. It had hurt me a lot, virtually piercing my heart with an arrow.

    I am slowly but surely healing from two major heartbreaks (hey, there are plenty of fish in the sea):dancing2:

    Just go out and you are definitely going to find far better persons than the previous ones.
  7. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    I will write more about the struggles I have faced in my life and how I am dealing with them, very soon.
  8. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    I went out for a walk of around 30 minutes. I am feeling slightly tired now.:couch2:
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    that first A-hole did not know what he was talking about. And I think he should be reported. Because chances are you are not the only person he has abused. A lot of highly successful people have been told they cannot succeed because of a physical situation. And it was bull crap. I do not know how you will end up succeeding. I am positive though that you will. You already have succeeded. I am so very impressed with your determination and desire to see things in a positive way. You are an inspiration, as far as I am concerned
  10. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Thank you so much flowers for replying to my thread.:butterfly9:

    I am fully determined to finish college and ultimately get a job. I am motivated, have full support of my dad, have full support of you people.I don't need anything else to move forward. (Bonus I have full faith in God)These factors are enough for me to lead my life in a positive way.

    I am thinking things like this and so I am feeling positive, "Why do I have to think and act negatively, why can't I just think positively and act on it? I can substitute my negative thoughts with positive ones." (This is possible and can be done)

    On this Monday, I will definitely go to college and that also at least 40-45 minutes earlier, so that to feel comfortable. There should not be any rush. Repeat it again for the other days.
  11. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    Today I went out of the house 4 times.

    First at morning 5:30 am, for a 30 min walk.

    Then to college . I went out before 9:00 am and it starts from 10 am. The best part was that I stayed there for the whole duration that is till 5 pm . I had a sandwich there during break. :) I enjoyed it and hope that my enjoyment will increase in the days to come.

    Then after returning to home at around 5:40 pm , I took another bath (the previous was before leaving for college) and went for a 30 min walk again.

    After returning home, I went out to a relative's house to socialize there. I stayed in their house for an hour.

    I have made a good friend at college and 2-3 other nice acquaintances. (Previously I did not practically have any nice pal)

    I was in touch with my dad when I was in college and when in home I called my dad again and a friend.

    My life is in the process of changing for the better due to my positive thoughts and acting on them. At least acting on those thoughts even in small ways is beneficiary.

    Yes I have been criticized by a few today (as usual) due to my eccentric behavior , but i am very happy that they have done so to me because firstly I will become aware of my behavior/way of thinking and secondly it brings out their true evil nature. They have more evil in them than good and it is their problem not mine. They can gossip about me/make fun of me. I simply don't care at all about them. I have seen it all.

    But the great news is that almost all are very friendly. We just have to be aware of that.

    I am feeling sleepy now. Will write here again tomorrow about my experiences . I welcome bad experiences more than good ones. They will definitely make a human stronger if they face them.

  12. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    Well, I took Tuesday's classes. Made one or two nice friends there at college and I am feeling positive and much better than before.

    A few peer of mine do approach me in a friendly way and speak to me. I must be more open about me towards them. Most people are actually highly good people. It is my outlook on life that really plays the role here.

    They care for me, offer me help on almost anything, support me, motivates me, and bonus I get to eat delicious food that they share with me. haha:playball:

    You people are much greater than anyone else out there because we are in the same boat and we can understand each other.

  13. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    It's good to read that things seem to be looking up for you :) keep moving forward pooky
  14. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Thanks for your reply Sparrow91. I truly appreciate it.:eagerness:
  15. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    Thank you all for your support.

    The director/head of my college actually HATES me. Why does he HATE me?

    (There is no formal dress code in college. It's written in the rule book of my college.)

    I usually wear casual and go to college. Today that director was taking my class. He saw me and said,"Wear formal or else you will be thrown out of the class. You will not be allowed to attend classes."

    In the recess period, he told me something similar. I replied,"But there is no dress code."
    He said ,"Stop being argumentative.You are a disgrace to our college."

    (I was simply stating the facts and that grey haired man did not even bothered to listen to me)

    What he does not realize is a dress code which he think exists is only a petty matter.

    (If I invent something which will be beneficial to man (while I wear a casual dress),then that invention will be welcomed and no one will look at my dress.Just because I am not successful, just because I am not famous or fortunate he can humiliate me in front of 50 people.)

    (Imagine that I am the son of the president, who goes to college wearing casual dress everyday. Then, would he be able to say the same thing to me if I was highly important person?)

    He simply HATES me.

    He has hurt my feelings. I am feeling humiliated and burnt from the inside.

    However, I will continue to attend classes.(either in casual wear or formal). That monster cannot demotivate me. haha

    Instead I feel more motivated and slightly rebellious. haha

    (Our class comprises of 100 people each having 50. If he throws me out from one section , I will go and sit in the other section)haha

    (He/nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams, which is completing masters and ultimately get a JOB and helping others attend their goals)

    You people are great. I love you all.
  16. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    I have made 3-4 GOOD FRIENDS at college (2 of each genders)

    We phone and text one another, send email, share food, help each other, inspire one another. (We freely spend money on each other, which is a great thing)
    In short, at least I genuinely care for my college pals.(and also you all)

    Previously, I hardly had any good friends. Mostly due to my fault and partly due to theirs.

    Friends ask me for advice. Like 1 day before, a pal asked me that how to get a passport. I said the truth that I didn't know because I don't have one but I will ask my dad for the same. I asked an uncle (dad was busy) and immediately after that messaged my pal.
    So, its great that friends come to me for good advice.

    However, I don't go to college to make friends. I go there to learn , to get a degree and finally to get a job.

    After I get a decent job - I will have more pals. I will marry someone closer to my version of dream lady. Lastly, I will have plenty of money.

    And I will definitely volunteer my time for the less fortunate after I get a job and if they ask for my help. (By making others happy , I will also be very happy):chuncky:

    You people are great. I need your thoughts.
  17. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi all,

    There are ups and downs going on in my life, just like everyone's else lives, but I believe that my sheer willpower will help me reach my destination.

    The journey can be compared to a sea voyage and the destination to an island of paradise. In the island the captain of the voyage gets rewarded when he discovers uncharted lands, treasures, minerals... and thus gets his name written in history.

    The journey is my two years in college and the destination is a decent job in an organization. In my job I will get cash as reward. With that cash, I can start my own project/ work on my ideas etc.

    My dad has wasted a lot of money on me and I have to work harder to steadily grab a career opportunity.

    I have failed a lot in my life but I will never give up.:kiwi-fruit:

    From where do I get inspiration?

    I get inspiration from not only inside of me but also observing other great peoples lives.

    How do I retain that inspiration which I got inside me?

    I set higher goals for myself.

    I will have to cut off most junk food, substitute them with healthy ones.
    Cut soft drink, replace it with water.
    Cut potato chips, replace it with any favorite fruit of mine.
    Cut cookies, have another favorite fruit instead.

    Also, I will try to stop taking chicken, eggs and fish.

    I should drink more water, have a sound sleep at night and relax because worrying only increases the problem.

    I should exercise regularly/5 days a week, for at least 30 min.

    And also I help my peers and I feel good about it, which is only natural.

    The realistic goal that I have set for myself is that exercise on weekdays (min. 30 minutes everyday), eat a balanced food on weekdays(consisting of fresh fruits, vegetables, cereals, vegetarian diet) and spoil myself on weekends. haha

    (There should be moderation in life)

    I am highly focused on my journey and the destination.
    I am fully confident that I would reach there if I work patiently towards my goal.
    I believe in myself and have full faith in my abilities.
  18. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...


    I am going to college regularly and enjoying most of what it has to offer.

    I am mostly criticized for my eccentricity but I manage to overcome it by genuinely feeling great and thinking that, "Well those peeps are at least wasting their precious time thinking about a no-one like me" They are only loosing time.

    People speak negative of me, laugh at me but I am glad that they do because at the deepest level of their heart they were thinking of me when they were mocking me, isn't it?

    I walk oddly. I dress oddly. I lack massive common sense. I can't carry on an interaction/conversation.

    That's why people tend to ridicule me. They are always prepared to just bury me deeper into the grave.

    But my will to make a mark on this planet, gives me the power that I need to come back at a situation much more strongly than ever before.

    Try to stop me. You may succeed temporarily, but I will have the last laugh. I can find a practical solution to a problem.
  19. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Went to cousin's house and stayed there for around 7 hours.:high5:

    Talked to him. Had lunch over there and slept during the other part.:nod:
  20. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    I will again start taking a walk for an hour from Monday. Due to rough weather, I had to stop it temporarily. Also I must consume less junk foods and fats. Plus I should get plenty of sleep at night so that I am energized during the day.


    I am developing feelings for somebody. Now even if I am rejected which I believe will happen(I am average looking, with average intelligence, poor social skills, and I am the least talkative in the room) I still won't be depressed and move on with life.

    I have been deeply hurt a lot in the past and this has led me to be more stronger than the average person of my age. Now when someone rejects me I will wait patiently and move on to catch another fish(potential significant other). haha


    I have failed several times before but I haven't given up. The fact that I didn't give up says that I can get a decent job in the near future.Decent job means enjoying my work and also getting paid for that and nothing can be better than that. Yes!!!


    Well I am getting better everyday. I walk for an earlier frequently as said earlier, eat healthier, get proper sleep. I have stopped caring what others think and say about me, trust me. I am a far more relaxed individual now.

    Overall, I am happy with my life even when I am in my personal level of hell that is when I am feeling down.