Life is almost ending for me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Whiskey, Jun 6, 2008.

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  1. Whiskey

    Whiskey Member

    Well it really hard for me to say what I'm going through right now. I'll just tell you guy a bit about myself. I'm a freshman in college, and went through a whole year without any friend, which is cause by severed social anxiety. This in turn cause me to have severe depression, which in turn made me do poorly in school. Now after talking to my college adviser, there a chance I might not be able to come back in the fall because my last quarter grade is slipping to below a 2.0, and it only the last quarter that I am doing poorly.

    If this happen:dry:I don't know what to think of my life. What my parents will do to me, and then I have to explain myself, something of which I promise myself that I would take to the grave. If this is the case, I have to tell them everything about my life, and it doesn't get any worst than that. My parents are gonna cry and I will probably kill myself. I haven't had any friend for approximately 7 year now, been through most of 5th grade till my senior year in high school as an outcast. Of course no one knew about this especially my parents.

    I didn't want to make this too long as I'm afraid you guys won't be able to read it all so I kept it as short as possible. There are more to my life than just 2 paragraph, though I don't think I will go into detail.

    Simply put this July I will know if I live or die. If I get a letter, than it is over for me. Sure there is community college, but I need to live in a dorm to make friend, and so many year without any close friendship I won't be able to take it anymore. Not to mention i work off my ass off to get to where I am right now. My life is full of worry and unhappiness, and I want it to stop, life is just too much painful and pointless.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i also did poorly in university - i outright flunked my first year - 2 Fs, 2 Ds and a C. in the long run, it hasn't mattered one bit. yeah, it was hard to tell my parents and when i went back i was on academic probation. i was also suffering depression at the time.

    the important thing now is getting some help with your suicidal feelings. suicide looks very tempting but you have other options. would you consider getting some help? they can help you decide what, or even how much to tell your parents. a counsellor can really help, but of course only if you open to them. please consider it.
     
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Heya,

    Depression is a horible horrible thing tohave and distorts your view of the world. The fact that it sounds like you have been diagnosed wiith this and the social anxiety would suggest tat you have had help.

    If you do not have it now it is worth going back to it. Speak to your GP to. People keep many secrets from their parents. I have but at the same time I know my parents are not stupid and they probaby already know they are just waiting for you to talk to them as they prob do not know how to talk to you about it. If you fail you can try again. I have been told many a times that I can take gap years and then go back to the study but I do not know what it is like where you live.

    Suicide is not the only option. lol. Maybe I should take my own advice.

    Sam
    x

    P.s. the offer is there for you as well PM me if you want.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I am wordless about not having friends. I am a service brat, my dad would get transfered every two years. So I never had the oppurtunity to have a best friend. Instead I would stay in my room and play with my toys.
    Then I reached junior high school and was to old to play with toys so I gave it another try, to see if I could make friends. You need to focus on your school work. When you graduate that is going to open a whole different can of worms. You will have the oppurtunity to have a better life.
    I can honestly say that the thoughts are always there, you need to face them and find the underlying reason that you are having the thought. You need to take up a hobby, it can be a ditraction to keep you from thinking about those thoughts. Who knows you may find a friend in the process.
    I hope you find your way by talking things out on the forum. :chopper:
     
  5. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    i am sorry for what has been happening. failure is a big slap in the face, and its always hard to deal with. but i was once told, you are only a failure if you do nothing about your faliure; if you do something about it, you are not a failure. and these words are something i try to think about. and it might help,and even if you do 'flunk-out' there are other options,and yes your family might be sad/upset, but if they love you,their love will override the other emotions and they may even help you onto the next step. killing yourself may appear to 'slove' something, but really it can only bring more hurt, and if you fail..consequences can be great and devasting. if you ever need someone to talk to, a friend perhaps, i will listen & be there for you<33
     
  6. demonhunter999

    demonhunter999 Well-Known Member

    Telling you parents might be bad but surely not that bad - what is the worst that could happen? As for giving reasons, well can't you think of an excuse perhaps? I certainly wouldn't tell my parents about problems like that - I would never hear the end of it.

    The real problem i think with not having friendship is desiring it. Once you stop desiring it or longing after it, it is not really a problem. Find alternatives that can satisfy some of the longings (e.g., internet, pets). I think counsellors can help with social anxiety - at my university it is apparently the most common reason people visit the counsellors.

    In any case not yet completing college does not mean you cannot have a productive career. Indeed college / university is wasted on many people, people who would have been better off working rather than attending. People in a workspace are easier to get on with in my experience than others.
     
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