Ideas & Opinions Life is enigmatic

[Mouton]

How can one love themselves if no one loves them? And how can one love another without loving oneself? These are questions I find myself pondering. Unfortunately I have a hard time doing both. You see, in my life I have never truly known love. My parents abandoned me and I was picked on. A lot. 8 was always the odd one out. Sometimes I wish things were different. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been born. But I continue on anyway because what else can I do? Life hasn't been particularly good. I've been blessed and felt cursed. I've lived in nice areas and had a few friends. I've had money and I've had nothing. Somehow I still feel unhappy. I guess for me happiness has nothing to do with money or how many nice things I have or have had. It never has. Happiness for me has always been love. Yet I'm so unlucky in that aspect of my life. I keep trying and I keep failing. But I guess the importance of it all is to keep going. No matter how painful it may be. I try to keep that thought in mind throughout the entirety of my life. I'm not a lucky person at all. My life is pretty much a disaster. Sometimes I don't even know how I keep it all together. I used to be able to deal with the pain. With anger. I guess after a while you just get tired of being angry. And now most times that's all I am. Tired. But I try to keep faith. Maybe while I'm alive things will never get better but I know that so long as I trust in God I will have something to look forward to after life. That works for me. It doesn't necessarily have to be for everyone. I used to be an Atheist and nothing really motivated me from ending it all. Because when you're depressed, your life sucks and you don't believe in God... Well... Life just doesn't seem all that worth it. Sometimes it still doesn't. I guess the difference is I have something to believe in now. Even thought sometimes it's still hard to keep faith, at least I have something. And that's a good thing. I guess what my point is, sometimes we may not have a lot but it's often times small things in this world that matters the most. If you have something to hold on to, a family, a belief, hold on to that. Cause some of us don't have much. If you have someone who loves you don't leave them out of your fight. Cause it takes two to win this. And for those people who want more money, don't. Money comes and goes. There are more important things. If I could trade all the money I've ever had for one girl who believed in me and loved me like I loved her I'd gladly do it. Cause at the end of the day money is an object and it can never make you as happy as someone who loves you can

 

[1964dodge]

you are young enough to find that special someone. anger is not the way to fight like you said don't fight alone friends can help as well as SF. and the will to make a career to make more money is ok as long as it's not the most important thing in your life. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Mouton]

Thank you

 

[Bloop]

You know, I was going to reply to the first two questions you asked cause I thought it was the purpose of your thread but I kept reading and then by the end I felt really happy and motivated by what you said. Thank you so much for sharing

 

[may71]

My parents abandoned me

I don't know if you've said much about your parents here. You mentioned that your mom was an addict though.

It sounds like she's someone who had more problems than she knew how to deal with. Maybe it would have been different if she wasn't on drugs.