Life is funny

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gomi, Mar 24, 2010.

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  1. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    The certainty of life is..well..not so certain to me anymore. Lost a mother at age 16 (witnessed) and father (murder-suicide) at age 19...and now my sister (suicide). At age 23, I don't find the meaning in life anymore.

    Money, fame, prestige, academics...what is the point? I'm tired.
     
  2. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    :sad:
    i am so sorry for you Gomi,
    your story makes me feel pathetic for feeling depressed. im such a whiner. life has been very cruel to you

    :hug:
     
  3. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    After the father incident, I thought I could mask away this pain by doing exceptionally well in college. Throughout school, I had to work 2 jobs during the semester, interned every year, and graduated summa cum laude, all while looking after my sister (emotionally and financially). She was my motivation during that period...

    I finally made it to where I wanted, thought things would turn around, have a very good job...but it feels so empty now. It's also funny to add that the people we consider "friends" are...nowhere to be found.
     
  4. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    life has certainly dealt you an unfair hand of heartache. have you been going through grief counseling? also, there are suicide grief support groups depending on the area you live in. For your young age of 23, it seems you have been through and lived a hard life, but hang on..because it is possible to find meaning in your life. certainly money, fame, prestige, or academics will not make you necessarily happy. There is this book called "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. It is a siritual/religious book, but maybe its something you could consider. Its like a 40 day journey answering questions like.."why am i here?" and "what's my purpose?" ive never actually read it, but ive known several people who have and they said it helped them find and live out their purpose..so maybe its worth a shot.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your losses.....such a young age to have suffered so much tragedy and pain...my heart goes out to you...
    I understand what you are saying about the friends..I lost my son to suicide and my "so called" friends don't even bother about me...I feel we are better off without them if that's how they treat us..
    I think joining a support group is a good idea...we don't have one here but I really feel it would help to talk to others who are in the same situation....
    I hope talking on here helps you find some support...take care
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu have so much strength in you to have dealt with so much pain. Have you ever got therapy to help you deal with everything Grief therapy post traumatic therapy YOu have done so well but i think reaching out for support will help you stay strong especially when you friends seemed to all have disappeared. I am glad you are talking here maybe make new friends here as well. The people here are all so kind and understanding. Keep posting okay Know we all care.
     
  7. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    I'm out of strength now....

    I just want people to leave me alone and just forget about me at this point; this way, if something happens to me people won't feel too much pain.
     
  8. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    Bloody hell mate! Were you Stalin in a past life or something??
     
  9. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    I'm starting to think I may have been. I don't know what I did to deserve all this...
     
  10. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    I'm going to try and stay strong...but mentally, I'm tired.

    I already decided that a top MBA -- something I had been looking forward to throughout college -- is no longer a pursuit of mine; also included are savings for retirement, creating networks, and even maintaining a stronger relationship with the current GF.
     
  11. Broken_path

    Broken_path Member

    Hi gomi, I am going through similar thoughts. Been accepted into the grad school of my dreams but not feeling like it is still a pursuit of mine. I worked so hard to graduate with top grades as an undergraduate and had many accomplishments in industry but it also feels hollow to me now. I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.

    I try to take comfort in the fact that I have lived many days and many of those days were filled with a sense of accomplishment. Maybe tomorrow or the next I will regain this motivation and this sense of fulfillment. Life is full of ups and downs. Anyhow, just wanted to say I know where you are coming from and that I hope that both you (and of course myself) can regain that motivated spirit.
     
  12. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    I already lost my motivation, because I don't see the point anymore. Everyday I expect something bad to happen now, which causes me anxiety (and of which causes me to locate the nearest liquor bottle).

    I realize, nothing makes me even remotely happy. And if there is something that makes me happy, its only for a brief moment.
     
  13. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    fan f*cking-tastic...car got robbed. here's to a night of binge drinking
     
  14. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    Ready to just give up. Mentally not stable anymore. Drank tons load last night, and, somehow, I woke up. Every time I drive on the highway, I feel like spinning the car out of control.
     
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