life is impossible and too big

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Aug 30, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I can't do this I can't do this, I tried to talk to someone this morning and words failed me again. I don't know what to do. 28 yrs to many spent on this earth I want to die.
     
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    talk to someone else?
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    No, don't do it. Why is life too big for you.
     
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've been trying to talk, to say how I feel but words fail me. I can't deal with flashbacks, memories, how I react to situations, how I trust no1, how I feel unloved, uncared for, how invisable I feel in this world. I've tried to get out their make something of my life and I fail and everything. The only thing keeping me going was a small chance that their would be an end to depression, to feeling and living in the past, the feelings of self loath, hating myself. I'm a waste of space, I burden people and I'm just a pain in the butt. none of my family whom I love have been in contact, I've tried to contact them but their don't want to know. I can't take anymore, the love for my family has killed me.
     
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Am I a child?
    Am I a teenager?
    Am I an adult?

    Am I child, locked inside an adult?
    Am I teenager, looking for an escape?
    Am I an adult who just doesn't understand?

    Am I child, who saw things she wishes she hadn't?
    Am I teenager, who done things she wishes she hadn't?
    Am I an adult, who now does those things to herself?

    Am I a child, still wild and angry?
    Am I a teenager, still violent, agreesive and a loner?
    Am I an adult, who can't tame herself?

    Am I a child, still waiting to be heard?
    Am I a teenager, wanting to be heard?
    Am I an adult who can't find the words?

    Am I a child, who felt pain, anger, and hurt?
    Am I a teenager who was ignored and left on the side?
    Am I an adult, who blocked all the feelings?

    Am I a child who had to many feelings?
    Am I a teenager who gave up on feelings?
    Am I an adult now scared of feelings?

    Am I a child, who was scared of what was happening?
    Am I a teenager, who felt it was loved?
    Am I a adult who knows it was wrong, but can't move on?

    Am I a child who wants to be hugged?
    Am I a teenager who wants to belong?
    Am I a adult who now doesn't want either?

    Am I a child that doesn't understand?
    Am I a teenager, who doesn't want to understand?
    Am I a adult that needs to understand?

    Am I a child that used to cry?
    Am I a teenager who says crying is weak?
    Am I a adult who is unable to cry?

    Am I a child lost somewhere in the world?
    Am I a teenager still fighting to be free?
    Am I a adult who doesn't know who she is?

    I am all the above but with so much confusion, anger, conflict, switching moods, switching thoughts, switching me, I don't know where to begin to find out just who I am, because the person that is me is lost somewhere and nowhere I look can I find me ~ this is why I have to die because I don't know me and I don't like who sits here now.
     
  6. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    You say words fail you and yet you just expressed how most people here feel in ways no one else could have.
     
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