life is meaningless when the person you like doesn't like you back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by palmtrees, Oct 29, 2008.

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  1. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    What the hell is the point. This is like some kind of punishment. I don't understand what's wrong with me that any time I start to have feelings for someone they never reciprocate. Am I that worthless? That's the message I get and that's what it feels like.

    Please do not answer with "Hang in there, it's gonna be ok" or anything like that. Please just tell me why/how this might happen to someone and how they can change it. Oh yeah, and I already do "love myself" most of the time.
     
  2. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    same here either they are married or dont feel the same way. its why i dont try any more
     
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it rather sucks. Worse when it's "love" instead of "like".

    I can't tell whether she loves me or not. She says she does... I don't believe it anymore.
     
  4. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    at least you have someone
     
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    No, I don't. She's been increasingly gone, and now she's completely gone. But she's maintained that she loves me, even while leaving me desperately alone.

    She saved me from the brink last January... Now I wish she hadn't and I could've just killed myself then.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2008
  6. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    Yeah I've been in love before too and it is a lot worse emotionally. However, the overall idea is the same, that no matter what you do it doesn't change their mind or get them to see you the way you see them. Out of curiousity aoeu, how good are you in bed with this woman?
     
  7. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    no one has ever loved me i do not know what it feels like
     
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    In retrospect, I think I was better off as an emotionless droid. This sucks.
     
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Why are you asking how good this person is in bed? What difference does that make at all? The bottom line is, if you are in love with someone and that person is in love with you, then you will both be "good in bed", at least after the first couple of times.

    Sometimes people like you, sometimes they don't. Someone may like you but you don't like them. Life works that way.

    Eventually, you will sync up with someone and then you will get together. Whether or not it lasts depends on several factors.

    No point in killing yourself over it or in giving up on relationships in general. This happens to everyone at one time or another, or many times over, but statistically, 90% of people end up getting married and having kids. Just because it doesn't go the way you want the first few times is no reason to give up. If everyone did that, there wouldn't be many people left.

    Every person who doesn't share your feelings brings you one step closer to the person with whom you will spend your life.
     
  10. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    I like your post, it's encouraging and thoughtful. Fairly common sense too.

    The thing is, there are REASONS that people do and don't like someone and I'm trying to figure out what they are. I don't buy "she doesn't like you cause she just doesn't". The other thing is it's not just a few times, and each successive time eats up more emotional energy and self esteem, it's like a hammer pounding a nail deeper and deeper into a wall. At some point you can't bear to have it happen again and you can't even try anymore because the next time will finish you off.
     
  11. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Er whats your source on that, people stopped doing that in the 70's...and its increased since I think now its more like 25% of women alone don't bother getting married or having children and its only going up with more and more people retaining their individualism.
     
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Well, my biology teacher always told me that you end up with who you end up with because you like the way they smell. That's putting it simply, but basically, it mostly has to do with whether or not your pheromones appeal to that person biologically. That's why you see some couples and think, "What is HE doing with HER?" Well, they like the smell of each other :)

    As far as personality traits go, well, that differs a lot from person to person. For example, I like a masculine, Alpha guy who is SOMEWHAT sensitive. Too much sensitivity and you've lost me. I'm not so much into the brooding, "life is bullshit and nothing but pain" type. How is a guy who can't make himself happy supposed to make ME happy? But, some girls have very different criteria. It depends on the person.

    Maybe you tend to be attracted to girls who are attracted to a different type of guy, while the girls who are attracted to you are not the ones you are interested in.
     
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Maybe you are trying to hard. Most women don't like an aggresive mate. You basically scare them off. When you enter a relationship expexting for it to evolve sooner than it should. Or maybe you both were vulnerable at the same time so you sleep togather. That is a sure fire way to end a good friendship because one or both of you realize it was a mistake. That has ended quite of few friendships, because you both feel guilty for rushing into fast. I can't give you any better advice to love because I have been cheated on in every relationship. I was always told I was to boring because I worked long hours and all I wanted to do is relax with a couple of stiff drinks. I was also told that I didn't show enough attention to her. After the newness you tend to not show enough attention to their needs. That is the best I can do at giving reasons. Now I am to old to try again so I gave up trying. Now I would rather have a good friend than a mate. Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  14. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    That happens to everyone.

    You'll find some people don't like you, and that's okay. There are alot of other people, and you just can't dwell on it.
     
  15. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    A good way to prevent that is to just communicate your interest early on and get to know the person personally before you decide you have fully blown feelings for them. There's nothing wrong with smiling at a woman, telling her you thought she was attractive and you wondered if she has a minute or two to hang out and talk. If she's interested then good for you, if she's not life goes on.

    If you make friends with her because you're interested and she doesn't know that you really can't blame her for putting you in that 'just friends' category because that's exactly what you advertised when you befriended her. It's better to be honest and give her a heads up beforehand. Like someone said in the past: you don't get put into the friend zone, you volunteer for it.

    Not aimed at you specifically palmtrees, your post just provoked thoughts that I thought I'd share because if I had to see one more post about the dreaded 'friend zone' I'd pull my hair out. You seem like a decent guy and all the best, you said you didn't want the 'hang in there' part so I'll just leave that out.
     
  16. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    It does make you feel worthless when the one person you have feelings for doesn't feel the same. I know you can't help but think about it, and I can't say that it's an easy thing to forget, but in time, it will go away like every soul draining emotional ride does, and then you will be numb, better than worrying about why. The simple fact is, the person you like does not like you back. There was nothing you did wrong, unless there was something you did wrong, in that case, you'd know about it, but if not, you did nothing wrong other than be yourself and you were apparently not what she wants. Basically the only thing you can do is bitch and moan about it, cry about it, wonder what the hell is wrong with you, then remember that you are better than her and she's the one who will be sorry. And that any guy she gets with will pale in comparison to you. (does that work:S)

    I don't know how much time you spend around the opposite sex, but if you go out a lot or at least go out enough to where you're meeting women, then I think you might be ok, in that you may eventually find someone who will feel the same way about you. If you don't, well I don't know what to say except, good luck.
     
  17. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    Now you're talking. :cool: Actually this will probably help, since it's true.
     
  18. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    Ha ha, awesome:tongue:
     
  19. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    "Please just tell me why/how this might happen to someone and how they can change it."

    I have no right to give anybody any relationship advice whatsoever but

    you want a list of possible reasons? you got it.

    1. you're not physically attractive enough, and/or the attributes and traits you possess are not that appealing to that lady you've a crush on.(it's all subjective)

    2. you have not spent enough time with the person or had an opportunity to get to know her better. You do not really know anything about her other than the fact that she's smokin' hot.

    3. you don't realize it, but you're coming off as 'creepy' or 'desperate' to her.

    4. you're a hopeless romantic. All you think about is how you feel towards her and have no idea what SHE wants.

    5. you fall into the 'nice-guy' category, she only wants strictly platonic friendship from you, nothing more.

    Or there must be some other reasons.

    Solutions: lots of confidence, better conversation skills. go out more and meet new people. But.. easier said than done. I wish I had more confidence.

    I dunno.

    Feeling unwanted and rejected doesn't make life meaningless but it sure hurts a lot... sure does...
     
  20. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    1. you're not physically attractive enough, and/or the attributes and traits you possess are not that appealing to that lady you've a crush on.(it's all subjective)

    Could be, but the dude she's with ain't any better than me. I can always work on it and improve.


    2. you have not spent enough time with the person or had an opportunity to get to know her better. You do not really know anything about her other than the fact that she's smokin' hot.

    She's not really that hot, I just like her personality. Spent a decent amount of time but probably not a whole lot.

    3. you don't realize it, but you're coming off as 'creepy' or 'desperate' to her.

    Maybe a little bit, probably not a whole lot.

    4. you're a hopeless romantic. All you think about is how you feel towards her and have no idea what SHE wants.

    Could be. Possibly the strongest argument.

    5. you fall into the 'nice-guy' category, she only wants strictly platonic friendship from you, nothing more.

    Yeah I'm not very "nice" when she's around. More like cocky stud. But oh well.

    "Solutions: lots of confidence, better conversation skills. go out more and meet new people. But.. easier said than done. I wish I had more confidence.

    I dunno.

    Feeling unwanted and rejected doesn't make life meaningless but it sure hurts a lot... sure does"

    Thank you much dude. Good insights, not bad at all.
     
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