Life is miserable

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Donflip24, Aug 3, 2015.

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  1. Donflip24

    Donflip24 Member

    I find no enjoyment in life. I had a rough childhood and contribute that to most of my problems now. I never really had a girlfriend and I am 34 years old. The only time I can have sex is with prostitutes. I am angry at the world for how its treated me in the past and can't get over it. How can I let the past go and move on with my life? I just quit my job; it was boring and repetitive. I am rambling. I just find it hard to enjoy anything. The only thing keeping me alive now is I don't own a firearm. If I did I would have ended this lifelong struggle of mine a long time ago. I feel like a lost child in a big world filled with people out to get me. I been in and out of hospitals this year. I'm taking meds. They numb my emotions but I still cant feel happiness. I just want the struggle to end. Are meds the key to my happiness or am I doing something wrong. My therapist gives me advice that I don't follow through with. Maybe I should end it now. Everyone's out to get me, even my own family. I joined this site out of a suggestion from someone after goggling suicide. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital. UUUUUUGGGGGG I'm done for now.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi & welcome to suicide forum. How come you can only have sex with prostitutes, can you not try and start a convo with a lady, or do you find that troublesome?
    What meds are you taking? Have they helped any bit? I hope you find what you're looking for here :)
     
  3. Donflip24

    Donflip24 Member

    Hi Petal. I would consider myself to be shy unless I had a lot to drink. It takes a lot of alcohol for me to build up the courage to talk with a female. I am also a little misogynistic towards women while sober. I am working on my relationship issues. I am taking Venlafaxine and Olanzapine. The meds does help to a point. I mean they help with depression, anxiety, and psychosis. They numb my emotions. I'm not depressed nor am I happy. But I can't find a med that will help my racing thoughts though.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again,

    I once suffered with racing thoughts and was put on seroquel for it. It did help but then the seroquel started to disagree with me but hey maybe it's worth mentioning it to the doctor. I am on zyprexa too, it helps me sleep a lot, can't cope well without it.

    Do you drink often? I am glad you are working on your relationship issues it's better than just sitting there waiting for things to change.

    Am definitely glad you find the meds useful to you :) I hope you feel at ease on this forum talking to us :)
     
  5. Donflip24

    Donflip24 Member

    I haven't drank much since starting meds. That's another problem in itself. I use to self medicate by drinking. It worked to a point then it started getting old.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is good however if I were you i'd cut out all drinking, i did it years ago and never looked back. It makes things good for a few hours but its damaging in the long term. I hope things work out for you :)
     
  7. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I get no enjoyment out of life anymore either. I know that nobody's really out to get me, but I feel trapped and terrified of people and society because my mind isn't right and I'm unable to defend myself the way that I used to be able to. I did have a girlfriend a long time ago and maybe I would have had a chance again, but with the way that my mind is, I wouldn't even want to be with anyone anyway. My illness has destroyed my life. I used to go back and see my parents(they live six hours away), but I haven't seen them in over two years since this thing happened to me. I'm really all alone with my illness. I'm sorry that you're having to suffer. I pretty much know that I'll never be happy again. I hate it, but that's just how it's going to be as I'm pretty sure that my mind will never be the way that it was.
     
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