I find no enjoyment in life. I had a rough childhood and contribute that to most of my problems now. I never really had a girlfriend and I am 34 years old. The only time I can have sex is with prostitutes. I am angry at the world for how its treated me in the past and can't get over it. How can I let the past go and move on with my life? I just quit my job; it was boring and repetitive. I am rambling. I just find it hard to enjoy anything. The only thing keeping me alive now is I don't own a firearm. If I did I would have ended this lifelong struggle of mine a long time ago. I feel like a lost child in a big world filled with people out to get me. I been in and out of hospitals this year. I'm taking meds. They numb my emotions but I still cant feel happiness. I just want the struggle to end. Are meds the key to my happiness or am I doing something wrong. My therapist gives me advice that I don't follow through with. Maybe I should end it now. Everyone's out to get me, even my own family. I joined this site out of a suggestion from someone after goggling suicide. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital. UUUUUUGGGGGG I'm done for now.