Life is not worth living for me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by D1979, Sep 1, 2011.

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  1. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    I know that everything I've ever loved and lived for in life has been taken away from me. I used to be so happy and vivacious up until a year ago; I was always the life of the party, the one with all the witty one-liners, the one who was 'cooler than cool'. But this past year has just been absolute hell for me. Ever since a certain aspect of my life has been taken away from me, I just don't have the desire to go on anymore. Most of my friends and people who knows me remember me as the lively and energetic guy that I used to be. However, since this one part of my life was taken away from me, I am no longer the same person. I no longer have the confidence or the will to live that I used to. Getting up in the morning is just absolute torture for me. Why should I get up when I have absolutely nothing to live for anymore? This one vital aspect of my life was taken away from me about a year ago and I doubt it's ever coming back. (Maybe I'll elaborate in more detail about what this 'one thing' is when I feel more comfortable on here). I don't go out and socialize anymore and when I do, I need to be ridiculously drunk or high all the time. I cry every day, pining for the life that I used to have, that I know I can no longer have. I feel like nobody understands me because they haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I've tried to kill myself a few times this year. Mainly by overdosing on pills, once on anti-depressants and a couple of times on Unisom sleeping pills. I don't have the balls to jump off a bridge or put a gun to my head. I've prayed to God many times to just end my pain and suffering and kill me already. Anyway, I'm new to this board so if anyone else needs to talk on here, I'm here for them as well.
     
  2. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member

    Our pain feels unique, because it is specific to "us".

    One of the things that I came to realize was that our situations are often eerily similar.

    Your loss has left you unable to function. Many here share that same scenario.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to just talk about nothing at all, or anything specific.

    Welcome to the Forum. This is a safe place. A good place.

    Ron
     
  3. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Thanks so much man, I appreciate it.
     
  4. Hoasis

    Hoasis Well-Known Member

    I think its espacially hard to deal with down periods for people who have lived a happy and social life up until a certain point, because you will always look back and think abou the life you previously had. Is this one thing your girlfriend? If thts the cse tings will become easier once you get over her. But life goes a lot up and down,right now youre in the downzone. Please give it some time and I am sure things will improve:rolleyes:
     
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Nice to see you again. :hug: Here reading what you write and wishing the best for you...Mr. A
     
  6. clairejayne88

    clairejayne88 New Member

    I can understand what you had isn't there any more - can you move on (for a while) maybe? There is a world out there and hopefully in that world someone to fill you're gap
     
  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi

    Welcome to the forum.. and sorry that life doesn't feel worth living for you. I really hear your sadness and frustration that something has been taken from you leaving you feeling very different to how you were just a year ago. It's really difficult to come to terms with when things change like that and there feels like no way of getting ack to that place. I know it's not easy but i wonder if you'd be able to start coming to terms that this is who you are now.. there will still be aspects of you that are the same as a year ago but not everything is the same. If you do feel comfortable enough to share a little more about what was taken from you etc then please do.. it might help you, but only do so if you want to and feel safe enough.

    In the meantime i hope you'll take care of yourself
    Jenny
     
  8. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Honestly, the issue is my hair loss. I am relatively young and I used to have such a full head of long hair. Since I used to play bass guitar in an 80s rock cover band, my hair was my lifeblood, and something that I took great pride in. However, a little more than a year ago, my hair loss started to get really bad, so much so that I just wouldn't leave the house. As a band member and a huge fan 80s rock music, I took great pride in my full head of long hair, just as I took great pride in looking like my fellow 80s rock musicians. However, now that I'm losing my hair, my identity is being robbed from me and life isn't worth living for me. People used to say I looked like all of these cool guys like Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue, and knowing that I'll probably never look like that again is just killing me. What's even worse is that I look around and I see all of these guys out there with these awesome full heads of hair, and I would give absolutely ANYTHING to have that again. My only saving grace for a while was my weight lifting. I have always been a big guy and took pride in my size and strength. However, since I started taking Propecia to try and stop this hair loss, I feel that the Propecia is eroding my muscular structure. My muscles used to feel so hard and toned after a workout and now they feel all soft and flabby and I'm convinced that Propecia is causing it. I just feel terrible because everything that I ever loved in life (my hair and my muscles) are being taken away from me. I have nothing to live for and I don't know what I ever did to deserve this God-forsaken life in the first place.
     
  9. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    How old are you and do you still take Propecia?
     
  10. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    I am 32 years old. I still take Propecia which slows down hair loss but it can't regrow my hair. My whole identity has been lost and life is not worth living if I don't have that identity. I pray to God every day to end this misery and my life.
     
  11. depressedkitty

    depressedkitty Active Member

    A wig? Could you go to a hair treatment centre?
     
  12. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Nah, a wig is just not an option; I would feel very awkward wearing one. There are just no effective treatments for hair loss and I feel like my youth is just being wasted away due to my hair loss. God, I wish my life would just end already.
     
  13. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Would rogain work?
    I was born in 79 too.
     
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