life is out to get me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moony, Jun 12, 2008.

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  1. Moony

    Moony Well-Known Member

    hello, here is my story for the last couple of months

    i've been betrayed by the one I loved the most, humiliated and embarrassed, althought she has no idea i know about it. I didn't confront her, gave her a chance to come clean, to tell me the truth for once, but noooo. She still lied.

    I began working again monday 2. My birthday was the 7th, i was doing an afternoon shift that day. So, i invited over a few friends friday night (including the betrayer, she's supposed to be my best friend,would have seemed weird had i not invited her).

    Anyway, we slept real late, which wasn't a big deal since i wasn't due to work until 1h30pm. At 9am, I got a phone call which woken me and the friend i was sleeping next to. It was my boss, telling me to come asap cos my timetable had changed (without anyone telling me about it) and i was supposed to begin work at 8am (an hour earlier). She told me the girls were in deep shit, couldn't do the work in time, really needed me to get there asap...

    I broke down. I totally broke down. Something inside me broke, i don't know how else to say it, next thing i knew i was sitting on the floor, my "so-called best friend" curled up beside me, trying to calm me down. Full blown panic attack. Just can't go to work anymore.

    I needed this job to pay for the school i applied for in september. I blew it up. I blew up the last chance i had to get a normal life. I screwed up, can't get over it. I attempted to kill myself twice since.

    i have a meeting with a psychiatrist tomorrow, he'll probably prescribe me some heavy medication, i'll take it all at once and DIE. i just wanna die. can't live with myself anymore; I hate myself too much.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Everyone goes through difficult things in life. Life isn't out to get you. You can get through this. It sucks that everything seemed to happen all at once but you don't have to figure it all out at once. Just take a deep breath and try to step back from the situation for a moment. Know that you can get past this.
  3. subt

    subt Member

    your post is way to vague for anyone to care

    1. whatd the "betrayer" do
    2. why did you panic over going into work late (whats your job)
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Panic attack suck! The one thing I learned in therapy is if you are panicing go where you feel safe and sit there and use positive self talk(coping skill). The main thing is after you have got a handle on it, then go back to where you had the panic attack. Take care of buisness and then pat yourself on the back because you just received a positive thought that you can bank. Bank everything that has been a positive so when you have an attack you have something to fight the negative with. Did you understand all of that?
    I know sometimes when you are around people you think the worst. Me I think people are staring at me and talking about me, making fun of me! My therapist doesn't understand when I tell her about it.
    Welcome to SF. You will find that people here are very good about giving advice. You can open up here and tell all. Noone knows who you are. Just another person who life has chose to deal a plate full of crap. I think you will be alright once you realize that you aren't alone that there are others here that have similar problems so they can relate to you. Well stay strong and stay safe...:chopper:
  5. mittens

    mittens Active Member

    sounds cliche. but you have your health.

    chronic pain and disability is no fun.

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