Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mitzuna, Dec 5, 2011.
I wake I cry
Life is just endless pain
I want to lie down and never wake up
Death is freedom
Hi hun let the tears fall okay let them out death is not freedom hun it is just the end t hat all freedom would be getting help and healing and moving forward away from all the darkness hugs to you
I know it seems like endless pain, but coming here, you've made a good start in being active to improve things.
Keep posting, let us know what's going on. You're in a group of caring people, many of whom feel (or felt like you). You'll probably get some support, some encouragement.
I agree that life is extremely painful. I also feel like the suffering is neverending. Whenever I start to finally get a grip on one problem, another surfaces.
Somewhere within me, I've wanted that, too, what you speak of. It seems tantalizing when put that way -- to lie down and never wake up -- as if it is that peaceful to simply drift off to a beautiful, pain-free, idyllic dream world. During those times I have to remind myself that the act of dying is not peaceful and it is not pain-free. Dying would probably be more painful than anything I've ever experienced in my life -- and I have experienced a lot of physical and emotional pain. There is a reflex that kicks in when the brain realizes that the body is dying. Suddenly the self-preservation instinct kicks in and it fights and struggles against what you're doing. It fights to live but it is too late. It's a shame most of us can't get that feeling before we do something irreversible.
Also, as someone pointed out on another thread, we won't know when we're dead because we will have lost our feelings of perception and our senses by then. So we'll never feel that sense of peace or achievement. Instead we'll die in the midst of more anguish and suffering that we were trying to escape in the first place.
I try to think of these things when I start idealizing death. It's so easy for us to think of it as peace, but if we are not alive then we don't feel that peace. So it's a catch-22. None of us will ever feel the relief we want even if we do die.
I have a suggestion if you don't mind. It just occurred to me now as I'm writing this. I'm thinking about writing about my ideal place, a place free from suffering, as a work of fiction because no such place exists in either life or death. Perhaps creating it and going there during times of suicidal thoughts. Perhaps that could be the escape that we seek. Somewhere to "check out" mentally from this world and just imagine something. Or even create something. Just a thought. Hope it helps.
I feel exactly like you, but I have to agree with total eclipse. Death is not freedom. It's just the end. Freedom is moving away from the darkness.