Life is pointless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by listless, May 22, 2013.

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  1. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Ten minutes of lust for two people lead to 40 years of suffering for me. Why couldn't the act of being conceived be easily undone? No, I had to live through a torturous lowly existence, watching others do better in life than me and watch my years fly by working hard but achieving and gaining nothing. The first time I thought about suicide was probably in my early teens when I realized religions were crap and I was here not because of some magical divine plan by a great skygod but because two losers fucked each other and intentionally decided to have kids. Why don't scumbags ever realize they're scumbags and don't deserve to pro-create?

    I used to think about suicide because I knew my short-comings and hated them and found my existence to be painful. But now although my life is reasonably stable, I'm still living in the lower classes, with a shitty job and life situation. Now I think about suicide not out of pain, but just a realization and acceptance that my life sucks and it's very likely not going to improve much. I've gotten older and less attractive and am just not in good situations like I used to be to meet attractive women. Also I refuse to lower my standards so I'm stuck in a very lonely, pointless place. I used to be fit, but got fat and I don't even care to get fit anymore. I'm growing balder and a good body isn't really going to fix that.

    While I hate on my parents for being losers-I will say that I was attractive for a while when I was younger and I just took it all for granted. I instead focused on career/education so I could get a good job and life...but that failed badly and due to my arrogance (and sometimes insecurity), I turned down many attractive women. So I realized as a person I made really, really stupid decisions in my life-in hindsight. I'm tired of fighting my lot in life, trying to do better-trying to get out of the hole I'm in. I wish I could just end it all. The only reason I'm still around is that actually following through on suicide is a scary prospect, only because many things can go wrong which can leave you worse off if you fail. Plus there's no easy, reliable, safe and painless and 100% certain way I know to do it. I mean I know of numerous good methods, but I worry they might not succeed for me.

    But also the fact that there are some people that really depend on me in my life that I just can't let down, like some family members. As well I think that if smart/good people die off, then there are more evil/stupid people that remain behind making the world a worse place. Still at this point I don't really care much, I just want this shitty experiment to be over-I have little to be happy about. I'm down all the time but try to pretend I'm not...just sick of everything. I really needed to get that out and tell others who might be like-minded, glad there's a site like this. While it won't necessarily change my life, it helps to just openly talk about it.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2013
  2. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Your writing shows that you are really, seriously depressed. Cursing one's parents is never good. We all got here because our parenst decided to f....k. Bu this does not mean that we curse them. When we f...k our children will be born. So, what is so bad about it ???? Get help. See a mental doctor. See a psychotherapist. Confide your thoughts with someone whom you trust. Pray to God day in and day out and ask him or her to give you strength. Here is a link that has info about Hindu gods. But pray to any God in whom you believe. You will see that God will give you strength. Have faith !!!
    <edit - link removed>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2013
  3. MidnightAria

    MidnightAria New Member

    I am extremely sorry your life went down a negative path.

    However, I will say 'a' because negative because your time isn't up. Your life isn't over. There is still hope, even though that's a cliche. But that's true. Just because your looks have faded a tad DOES NOT mean you are allowed to be robbed off a happy ending.

    And if you don't mind me asking (you have full right to withhold this information if it's private) how have you "failed badly due to [your] arrogance"? I don't see a failure. Perhaps you have an extremely difficult life, feels pathetic sometimes, feel like the clock's ticking. But I don't see a failure; you always have hope.

    I genuinely believe you have the potential to rebuild yourself.

    Life has obstacles. It's amazing how much we are able to forget, however, when we concentrate on something else. Try and stay away from negative influences and concentrate on the positives. Try dating again, try out new hobbies you've never had the time to, watch sit-coms which appeal to you, have your favourite food, spend time with those you like.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    While prayer may work for some, it is an individual choice and one the OP can make for themselves.

    I hope you make use for this forum to vent. Sometimes after venting it is easier to look at things objectively and decide what things are important and what things are just shallow trimmings that people overemphasize sometimes. Once things get a priority for you , it is a lot easier to focus energy on those areas and not waste time worrying about the things that are less important you. Once you decide a specific area to focus your energy on, the others may not be quite so bothersome. I hope things get more tolerable for you.
  5. I'm sorry. I envy you.

    What wouldn't I give to be able to read, listen to music, and relax alone in my apartment, even if my life isn't luxurious? To be able to think how to commit suicide and having chances at succeeding it.

    I'd give anything for your life. I know we are different people and that's why we see your life with such different perspectives, but I really find your situation enjoyable.

    I fucking hate all the people I know and nothing hints me that anyone is different. I wish them all, including me, dead.

    I'm just saying your life isn't that bad. I know your depressed, the same as me (and perhaps somebody would say what I'm saying about my life. Although I really don't think so) and this reply won't be of much help, but I think you should take advantage about your situation and look those pleasures that make life bearable.

  6. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Well nothing personal but it's idiotic religious thinking like yours is the reason that useless people have kids who then go on to have miserable lives. What is this strange mindless respect you have for parents? They were ordinary people just like you-they don't deserve one iota of respect for giving you life. In fact it would be better if they were sterilized (not yours specifically but certain parents who are losers and who don't deserve to reproduce). Not to mention people should be forced to have a license to have children.

    Maybe you didn't read what I wrote, I don't believe in gods and that's one of the few things I'm proud to have gotten right. In fact I think religion is probably the biggest reason for all the evil in the world. Please grow up and stop believing in fairy tales like gods, dragons, unicorns, demons, angels and other silly creatures that are nothing but the product of the human imagination.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2013
  7. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I appreciate your post and your attempt to be optimistic about life but it's the 'been there done that' applies in this case. You wouldn't believe the obstacles I've overcome in life, sometimes I even amazed myself at what I've achieved, not to mention those around me. I struggled a lot to reach a plateau and it's far, far below the plateau I deserved to reach. I'm tired of fighting and it was as if I woke up to my life the first time when I turned 40 only to realize what I had lost in hindsight. I'm not saying it was all bad, I had good times along the way, but that has pretty much come to an end. The change in my attractiveness is pretty stark-it's because of the hard work I put into getting where I am, took a toll on my looks-it's a subject I really am not comfortable talking about either.

    Nonetheless thanks for trying to cheer me up, but this isn't the case where like in a musical when the protagonist suffers hardships but can sing his way back into a good existence again-I wish it were that troubles are deep, largely irreversible and irreparable. If I could turn the clock back 20 years, that might be worth it-but at this point I have little to look forward to in life. Just more suffering and problems to deal with.
  8. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Thanks, well I don't mean to rob a tool that might some solace to people but I don't think prayer does a lick of good to anyone. It's just self-delusion-if there was a god who answered prayers, muslims wouldn't be getting away with raping/kidnapping non-muslim girls and killing their families like they are in Egypt, Sudan, Nigeria, etc today. I think it is better to see the ugly truth of reality than to live a lie and surround oneself with pretty falsehoods (such as prayer).

    It helps to vent but it still really won't change my perspective, for that to change my life would have to change drastically but I don't see that occurring anytime soon-though I am doing what I can to try to improve my situation.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2013
  9. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Why can't you do those simple things you mentioned if I may ask? Are you paralyzed? If so I'm sorry to hear that. Still 'grass is always greener on the other side.' Suffering is relative-for me these simple pleasures are not enough. I'm missing out on far more in life. However if I was physically or mentally handicapped then to me that is infinitely much worse than being alive and would do everything in my power to end my life. No offense to those who are in that state.
  10. No physical impairment. Actually my answer to your first question is kind of lame: I just can't. I can't relax as I'd want to because I need something to keep me away from thinking (I have an obsessive personality, along with a few other things) and as you might guess I need to get my self distracted, but isn't as quite simple. I need to consciously avoid thinking in some ways, and can't really enjoy anything.

    I also can't completely avoid person to person contact in my life,.I just wish a quiet, me-full life just like what you can have.

    I get you, somehow for whatever reason in depressed and suicidal people pleasure in anyway is not just enough.

  11. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Sorry to hear that-no your post was not lame at all. As I said suffering is relative-what you're going through could be very serious for you so I would never think less of it. I've had my share of mental problems too, primarily depression over my life and when things got really bad, I had serious anxiety attacks-something I've never experienced before and wouldn't wish on anyone.

    I've noticed there's a fine line between being down and self-deprecating over one's failures in life and then actually taking those states seriously. In fact I missed out on some great opportunities just because I felt so awful about myself though others thought much better of me. It's been a struggle for me to live in the present, I always think of the past and how much better things were...of course that causes me to miss out on things in the present and I'm less 'myself.' Being happy and 'centered' is a lot like a tight-rope walk, we're always fumbling to get back to that state.

    Some kinds of pleasure would be enough for me-but the simple ones are not-the ones we take for granted. In my case there's much I've missed out on. Fact is that I feel I've lived a very deprived existence, some of it due to my own mistakes and the rest due to just life not being as favourable to me as it has been to others. But there's a ladder of suffering and one can find people on every rung. I haven't had it as bad as some people or as good as others.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2013
  12. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hey- You should thank your parenst that they gave you birth so you can enjoy this beautifuil world full of flowers and sunrise and sunset, full of wonders like computers and Internet, Google serach, online encyclopedia, Apple phones, Apple computers, tablets. Pls. thank your parents. I was not talking religion. I was talking about getting strength from God. Cursing God, cursing parents is because of mental disease. Mental disease can be cured just like physical disease.
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