Ten minutes of lust for two people lead to 40 years of suffering for me. Why couldn't the act of being conceived be easily undone? No, I had to live through a torturous lowly existence, watching others do better in life than me and watch my years fly by working hard but achieving and gaining nothing. The first time I thought about suicide was probably in my early teens when I realized religions were crap and I was here not because of some magical divine plan by a great skygod but because two losers fucked each other and intentionally decided to have kids. Why don't scumbags ever realize they're scumbags and don't deserve to pro-create? I used to think about suicide because I knew my short-comings and hated them and found my existence to be painful. But now although my life is reasonably stable, I'm still living in the lower classes, with a shitty job and life situation. Now I think about suicide not out of pain, but just a realization and acceptance that my life sucks and it's very likely not going to improve much. I've gotten older and less attractive and am just not in good situations like I used to be to meet attractive women. Also I refuse to lower my standards so I'm stuck in a very lonely, pointless place. I used to be fit, but got fat and I don't even care to get fit anymore. I'm growing balder and a good body isn't really going to fix that. While I hate on my parents for being losers-I will say that I was attractive for a while when I was younger and I just took it all for granted. I instead focused on career/education so I could get a good job and life...but that failed badly and due to my arrogance (and sometimes insecurity), I turned down many attractive women. So I realized as a person I made really, really stupid decisions in my life-in hindsight. I'm tired of fighting my lot in life, trying to do better-trying to get out of the hole I'm in. I wish I could just end it all. The only reason I'm still around is that actually following through on suicide is a scary prospect, only because many things can go wrong which can leave you worse off if you fail. Plus there's no easy, reliable, safe and painless and 100% certain way I know to do it. I mean I know of numerous good methods, but I worry they might not succeed for me. But also the fact that there are some people that really depend on me in my life that I just can't let down, like some family members. As well I think that if smart/good people die off, then there are more evil/stupid people that remain behind making the world a worse place. Still at this point I don't really care much, I just want this shitty experiment to be over-I have little to be happy about. I'm down all the time but try to pretend I'm not...just sick of everything. I really needed to get that out and tell others who might be like-minded, glad there's a site like this. While it won't necessarily change my life, it helps to just openly talk about it.