I'm suffering so much mentally that I don't know what to do anymore. My brain has become my worst enemy. My mental condition is so bad. I wish I was dead all of the time. I don't understand what is wrong because I always did really well before. This has been going on for a year and a half. I need help really badly, but have already been seeing a psychiatrist and have been to the hospital twice, so don't know where to turn. I wish that they could just put me into a nursing home as it's been very difficult for me to keep living in my house. I just don't understand how something like this could happen. They've diagnosed me with Schizophrenia, but I'm not really sure if that's what's wrong. I know that a lot of people say that suicide is never the answer, but I know that if they felt like me that they would feel differently. I just never would have thought that life could be so painful. I feel like suicide is the only answer for me. I just don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to do it. I'm only 42 and don't want to live the rest of my life in so much pain.