On Friday, I was convinced I was going to end my life. Then I arrived at my therapist's office, and he had up the web site for the local CAT TEAM (centralized assessment team= a psychologist and a sheriff). If I could not prove to him that I could contract for safety, he was going to make the phone call and send for the CAT TEAM. I would have ended up being taken to a hospital in a sheriff's car, probably under a 3 day hold. It was a close call. I surrendered my bottle of pills to my therapist, and I avoided him making that call. I still feel terrible. I still feel like I want to die. But I definitely do not want to end up in one of the awful hospitals around here. There is not a decent one in our area. The quality of care has declined in all of them so much over the last 5 years. I have been in 2 hospitals in the last month, and speak from experience. I am just having such a hard time dealing with my suicidal feelings. It really hurts inside, and it hurts knowing I don't have a way out now. Why is living so difficult?