Life Is Starting To Become Pointless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rhiaggo, May 29, 2010.

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  1. Rhiaggo

    Rhiaggo New Member

    Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is my very 1st post. I never thought I'd ever be in the situation I am right now and I never thought I'd ever have to seek help for this....but I am and I don't regret doing it. Here is my situation:

    For most of my life Iv'e always been a very angry and arrogant person, I didn't really have any friends and I never ever had a gf before. 6 months ago, this girl came into my life by complete chance, it was unexpected and totally a surprise but it was a good surprise and 1 I've been waiting for it my whole life. She was my first in a lot of ways, I knew for the first time what it meant to be a couple and what it meant to not only have a GF but what it meant to have someone who loved you in a romantic sense. I lost my virginity to her, she was my first kiss and through her I was able to connection with her entire social network of friends. We were incredibly in love and very romantic with each other, we couldn't be apart and everytime we were together it was magic...in short we were in love in the best sense possible.

    Even though I was happily in love, my old insecurities from my past still plagued me. I wasn't always the nicest guy and sometimes I could come off as a jerk, over time I think I started to wear her love thin and she fell out of love for me....but I hadn't realized it before it was too late. 1 day over the phone she told me we"are over" and in literally a 5 minute conversation she told me she was done with me and that she doesn't love me anymore. I tried to bounce back and win her back but she continues to tell me she will never get back together with me and that I am only a friend. I had loved her to the point where I wanted to start a family with her, I planned my future around her...and in the blink of a eye it was all gone.

    I agreed to be her friend because that was the only thing she would let me be in her life and so everyday I call and try to see her because being away from her is just to intense and dramatic for me. She never cried once and didn't seem to care whatsoever about our relationship ending, it was like she just spilled some milk over the counter...it was very"matter-of-fact"in her approach and attitude towards the whole thing. She goes about her life now having fun and smiling and doesn't even care about how I feel....she tells me its my own problem and that it isnt her responsibility.

    Her social life is no longer my bussiness and Im just another"run of the mill"buddies she has...she expects me to just pretend we didn't love each other and that I'm just some guy she met a few hours ago or something. Ever since she left me I've only been thinking about the number of ways I can die, everything in my life seems so pointless now. I never smile,I never laugh and Im never happy anymore...the life that I finally wanted is gone and there is nothing I can do to get it back. At this momment I have not made any attempts at my own life, but it's only getting worst everyday and I'm starting to feel the pull of my depression and anger getting stronger by the minute.....help me someone?
     
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    this girl came into my life by complete chance, it was unexpected and totally a surprise but it was a good surprise and 1 I've been waiting for it my whole life. She was my first in a lot of ways, I knew for the first time what it meant to be a couple and what it meant to not only have a GF but what it meant to have someone who loved you in a romantic sense.


    you said it yourself. she came into your life by chance. another one will too. its very clear she no longer wants a relationship. every sec you spend thinking about her is a wasted second. one word of advice. next time think before you say or do anything. my life is over and i await my demise as an old lonely man. you have plenty of time to make a go of it.
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it's hard, and it hurts. But maybe now is the time for you to work on you ... if you have issues with anger, try to seek help for that so that when you do have another chance at love, you'll already have it under control. If you know there were some things you did wrong, work on them so the same thing doesn't happen again. I know it won't help what's happened in the past, but it could change your future.
     
  4. Mylesk

    Mylesk Member

    Love. It sucks, you're right. But don't let her take your life away. Continue being the person you are now (caring, sensitive). When I first went out with someone I felt it would be forever, too. Love is confusing, and there is never just that ONE. Good luck, and don't give up.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know it seems impossible right now but you will get past this.. It takes time.. It took me about a year to get over my ex..Right now you are in the greif stage... It will pass..You found her and you can find true love in someone else..
     
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