Life is still sucking harder than.VERY LONG STORY! there are curse words!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lifesux, Feb 12, 2007.

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  1. lifesux

    lifesux Member

    Life is still sucking harder than a Missisipi brown tick on the fourth of July......I havent posted on this website for a while but Always the week up to Valentines day I really get severly depressed more so than normal.....and this year..I wanted to fight back and get even with people....I layed out some really nasty stuff and I will post them at the bottom...(I have taken them off my websites) because I'am done trying to be cruel to people as I was treated by bullies in the past and a few that still think they have control over me......For some reason I thought I was going to die and I put up lots of pictures of my life and told in my blog a lot of my lifes stories (if you were to read it = several hours long.....then I made another web site, and it was based on hurting my church and its pastor...I know they were and are continuing to try and help me...but I was very evil in what I said....I even posted a letter that someone had written about my pastor and wasnt made public but I put it on the site and I know congregassionl members saw it....but then I had a change of heart and took off most of the evilness that was put there to hurt my church..and I tell of my story of Bullying and that of my cousins ex getting raped by another cousin for revenge.......I have truthfully seen almost half of the psychiatrists and psychologists in my town over the years and been on just about all the meds even the new ones....Unfortunetly they all said they really couldnt pinpoint my diagnosis, I Have a little bit of each... such as partial bipolar, partial schizo, partial depression, and there are more but this year I want to change....I want to be considered normal....and I was sick of botteling everything in.....over the years the councelors etc told me to write out my problems, since I was never good at oral communication I WAS AND REMAIN EXTREMELY SHY....and sadly I have tried happhazordly ending my life before and I have ended up in psyche wards...but I want to think that Iam over all that.......only time will telll.....anyhow if you want to visit my christian steward of life site it is "main" site tells a big chunk of my "Lifes story and I try to give examples and help people....but it also in the beginning was very eveil.......I had a list of 25 people that I hated and I willl list those 2...anyhow I think I have permantly changed back to the good natured KIND Chris....but below is what was inhabiting me - the Devil was trying to guide me to truly hurt others...I have since asked my church and pastor forgivness what I said about them, but I wont post it on here......but anyhow I know there are literally tons of peopl out there that are lonely and want companionship, its just that my whole life I have felt that way...and Im sick of it I just dont posses the will, and nowhow to change it and Im always afraid of Rejection......If you want to see my main site just type chris grieser in the search is the truly evilness that I posted......I want others to see my distorted thinking........and maybe learn and change from it as I......It did feel good for a while to know that I was hurting people...LIKE WAS DONE TO ME MANY TIMES OVER...but then my TRUE GOOD SIDE PREVAILED and Im glad Jesus came back into my heart and I hope he comes back into or into for the firt time yours.....:)

    Here is something Truly evil and I shoulndt post it but maybe you are feeling the same way on some of these issues.....and hopefully you will have a change of heart!!! me!

    IF YOU KNEW ME IN AT ANYTIME IN MY LIFE = you will think to yourself how the HELL did he come up with all that Hate below, you will try to comprehend how Chritopher= that little angle with the halo on his head could type such evel/vile sentances.....well everyone and I mean everyone has their Dark side......even mother Terhsa, Billy Grahm, catholic-fathers/diocey, clintons, bush's, Americans, and Archie Brooks

    FINAL DRAFT~done~well not quite in life changes are around the corner..... continual -----updates throughout..........and start Iowa/usa/allresidentsofearth/and GOD forgive me what your about to read THIS ENTIRE BLOG WAS CREATED TO ACTIVATE SOME OF THOSE DORMANT NEURONS!!=The wise-est of my teachers always used that line :)~~~ start to the right~~~NO MINORS!!!!!THIS BLOG HAS TOPICS DISCUSED IN THE RANGE OF THEIVERY ALL THE WAY TO MOLLESTATION, IF YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS YOU ARE READING COMIING OUT OF THE MONITER,(rush hour:)PLEASE CLICK YOUR BACK BUTTON AT THE TOP LEFT OF YOUR INTERNET EXPOLOER, and return to the porn site that you visited a only a few minutes ago...............YOU OBLIVIOUS PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS SHOULD HAVE CYBER-NANNY TO MONITOR YOUR YOUNGINS SNEAKY XXX-RATED WEB SITE VISITS....ANYHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you have an open - mind and don't be Judgemental, (like me) The first half is my Dark side and the last half is my good side. Since I didn't graduate college, this is my Thesis to, the 3rd rock from the sun, Nothing is candycoated and I tell it like it is~This Blog entry is very LONG like go put in a bag of popcorn, relax and fiest your eyes upon the next 2 and a half hours...(unless your are a speed reader,) and if you do Start from the beginning YOU MUST CONTINUE ALL THE WAY TO THE END, that is a mandatory condition (no skipping sections), like I always did! because thats how long it will take for you to finish this good cop bad cop, Devil v.s. Angel, mutt and jeff? memouir...I can't even remember 1 page of a book I read let alone this garbage, my spelling cux, but I don't care... I'am not threatening anyone I'm just using my right to freedom of speech, (thanks you ole founding fathers of this sometimes great Nation), also this blog is chuck full of obsenities, blasthomies, and radical viewpoints, and a few life/altering tips, that you may or may not be able to use and you are guaranteed to be insulted on some level, and I ask you~~ What is the meaning of truth? If we have crossed paths, in a good way, over the years, the bottom portion is meant for you! All other "humans" start reading here.>.....My New Years Resolution is to get even, is this true?..........Oh, I have a growing list that has been accumulating over the years and I have had an up and down yr. First I won 668,000, in vegas,is this true? quit my job, then I get thrown in jail for 2 weeks for getting in a fist fight and breaking a guys jaw. Then I got thrown in the loony bin for punching a guys windshield in and threatening to kill him,hahahahahahah long story. Now Ive been diagnosed with skin and stomach cancer. was this true? Yeah nobody lives that long after they are diagnosed with it. O, well. There is heaven right? NOT. When you die it's all over. The worms dissect you, that is your last relationship on this paltry earth. I guess I should have had more fun and not of been such a pussy. I should have sinned like all the other humans do each day and go fuck everthing in sight, and go steal, rape, torture, lie and cheat their way to what they want. I mean isn't that what life is about? Getting what you want. And by doing what is necessary to achieve this?. Well this will probly be my last Year on earth. Probly a good thing since my plan for world destruction is inement, just kidding!. For most of my soon to be 27 years on this crummy planet I was a do gooder. I helped people, did nice things for people, loaned money, sometimes didn't charge money at work when I should have, gave things away, went to church, didnt' cheat, rarely lied, remained a virgin,was this true? held open doors for not only the girls but the nice old ladies, smiled a lot..............PHOOOEY and what has it gotten me, NADA I didnt have a view point of (what can I get out of this) whatever the situation may have been. Big mistake being NICE in general just made people think I was week. I should have been a bully I was big enough but I was to nice and stupid. Because if I was smart I could have been feared. So now to my list =

    1. You Mother Fucking Rich PEOPLE1!...~~I crossed the professionl line on this, sorry, {deleted out of self concience} to the residents rich communitiies especially 1 gated community where I live.....a lot- of you help shape our at - large community for the better (But, why the gate/guard) it takes 10 minutes out the non-residents busy work-day schedule!.

    2........... Family,... Blood is thicker than water, this is true that is why you need to THIN IT. I Hate my family They SUCK, is this true? I guess some of them are so'so. yeah I still live at home half/time, so what call me loser, I don't give a dam... All that Dna that you and me inhearited combined over thousands of years can be systematticaly reconstructed to show that its the luck of the draw. Too bad for the child born with only one eye, too bad for the child born with only 1 arm. Too bad the child born with a brain with only 1 hemisphere (like me) Too bad for the nice guy that gets the big C. Its all in the numbers, just like winning the lottery.

    3.........Child Molesters. I should have made them # 1. Well like in real life there isnt any doovers. ~I took off what I said about them!

    4.............Most of the people I went to school 6-12 with--some k-5 and years, and the 2 yrs of college. I always had a hard time connecting with humans and didnt attain that many friends. I had a hard time in shool, haha I wasnt that bright for 1, for 2, I didnt put that much effort in- probly because I was spoiled. I had a hard time creating relationships, especially with girls. So inevetably everyone called me a ******. And said I would stare at guys asses. Well that rumor started when I was starring out a window at some birds and some guy was a few feet away and this girl thought I was starring at his ass. Well I guess I would have thought I was gag too since I didnt date. Did you miss me at graduation? I missed you! but I didn't miss all the insults, smirks, birdies, insinuations, blatent put down, intimidations and cruelness that was sent my way. I'am sorry if I broke your heart, Iam sorry if you tried to be a friend and I didn't reciprocate, but sadly that was my nature......But the meanest people on earth are kids. They can be vendictive cruel and mean. Especially when they found out I was mollested. I guess I put up a (nice shield) so when someone would be nasty to me I would just walk away or think nothing of it. is that true? Well not anymore, Im almost done on this earth and Im not the pussy I once was.....

    , So instead of dying in a hospice next to those old timers, or those fags dying of aids, or fellow cancer survivors.........maybe Ill go out with a bang....or maybe ill just pray for all of yours sins and mine and hope for a better fourthcoming year. Decisions, decisions,
    Have A Happy crappy NEw Year!...............P.s. 70% of the above is truthfull, and 30 % is total bull shit! hah...ha..(nelson) what is real and what isn't? who knows!, in this social experiment, like I said before, lately I don't live in reality,but i'll give you these =No I didn't win all that money in vegas, and #3 is a fabrication, as far as my cancer status, let me put it this way,= from the time we emerse from the womb our time is a ticken!!!!!!!! All views are 82% accurate! this week, next week I might change my mind on some things. I'am not a liar because I divollged this info and it makes my viewpoints more interesting!---It's like mamma always says? Life,ha is like a box of Chocholates, You NEVER KNOW WHICH "fucked up life" YOULL GET ;(........Jeckel has taken over chris for the past few months but hyde is tryin to regain his niceness wish me luck ,My unwritten list of undesireables is a lot longer, but I forgive them for their trechourous ways and if you see me again and call me names and laugh and point just remember that someday you will be on your deathbed and as you draw in your last breath, think back to all those people you have hurt deliberatly or undeliberatly over the years by your name calling, meanness, cruelity, abusive and greedyness ways ....some people can't help the way they are, whether it be in a social, economic, physical, sexual, spiritul, or psychological rendition. Some people will always remain outcasts- Try hard they do to change, but society keeps burgening them. well thats it here.

    me again..... I had to delte most of what I was going to put on here becuase it excedded the posting limits..but you get the jist and It got a lot more eveil let me tell you....AS YOU CAN TELL I HAD YEARS WORTH OF HATE BUILDING UP and I never expressed it untill the beginning of this year....and If you are frustrated and have nobody else to express it to....I did find venting via 50wpm very helpfull...but It got a lot worse from here and I literally was trying to hurt my church because I felt hurt by them many years ago...but I finally and thank the LORD that I saw my wrong path and corrected it......anyhow I hope maybe had a smile here and there and If you were offended by some of it I do appologize...anyhow....PLEASE DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE I PERSONALLY KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE IT AND IT STILL AFFECTS HIS PARENTS over a decade later....I know I too have almost lost my battle and have almost died accidently by drowning/burning, in a tub when little, and really drowining in the ocean.....and have been subjected by all kinds of hate and ill will from other people...but HANG IN THERE....because there are TRULY PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!! VERY TRUE!!!!
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