Life is too Damn Unfair and people lie about it

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#21
@Lady Wolfshead My intent is never to intentionally project hatred though. I'm well aware that an irascible person will be met with hatred themselves and antagonism.

I can't speak for people in public because I seldom venture out due to the Covid pandemic, and then it's in and out of the store. My interaction with people is therefore fairly limited.

I can say that my coworkers know that I hate them, though I keep to myself. I don't provoke or antagonize them, because I don't need additional grief. But I intentionally intimidate them when I get the chance, not as a bullying tactic, but as a way of keeping them in line and at bay. I deal with jackals so I have to be the biggest and fiercest jackal to survive.

I grew up in schools where teachers willfully turned a blind eye to bullying and allowed me to be victimized, and then when I raised hell about it, little to nothing was done, or worse, I got punished. Nobody starts out full of hatred; it is taught. The world taught me to hate, and it did a great job.

The whole world is a schoolyard.
 
#22
@Lady Wolfshead My intent is never to intentionally project hatred though. I'm well aware that an irascible person will be met with hatred themselves and antagonism.

I can't speak for people in public because I seldom venture out due to the Covid pandemic, and then it's in and out of the store. My interaction with people is therefore fairly limited.

I can say that my coworkers know that I hate them, though I keep to myself. I don't provoke or antagonize them, because I don't need additional grief. But I intentionally intimidate them when I get the chance, not as a bullying tactic, but as a way of keeping them in line and at bay. I deal with jackals so I have to be the biggest and fiercest jackal to survive.

I grew up in schools where teachers willfully turned a blind eye to bullying and allowed me to be victimized, and then when I raised hell about it, little to nothing was done, or worse, I got punished. Nobody starts out full of hatred; it is taught. The world taught me to hate, and it did a great job.

The whole world is a schoolyard.
*console

Allow yourself to be open to warmth from others and they might occasionally surprise you.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#23
@Lady Wolfshead My intent is never to intentionally project hatred though. I'm well aware that an irascible person will be met with hatred themselves and antagonism.

I can't speak for people in public because I seldom venture out due to the Covid pandemic, and then it's in and out of the store. My interaction with people is therefore fairly limited.

I can say that my coworkers know that I hate them, though I keep to myself. I don't provoke or antagonize them, because I don't need additional grief. But I intentionally intimidate them when I get the chance, not as a bullying tactic, but as a way of keeping them in line and at bay. I deal with jackals so I have to be the biggest and fiercest jackal to survive.

I grew up in schools where teachers willfully turned a blind eye to bullying and allowed me to be victimized, and then when I raised hell about it, little to nothing was done, or worse, I got punished. Nobody starts out full of hatred; it is taught. The world taught me to hate, and it did a great job.

The whole world is a schoolyard.
I’m sorry for what you went through, but your reaction to it is not an inevitable one. There are a lot of people who’ve been through hell and ”taught to hate” as you put it, who choose not to. There’s too much hate, anger, pain in the world already, why add to it? I promise you that what you see as “not a bullying tactic” is seen as exactly that by at least some of the recipients of your “intentional intimidation.”
 
#24
I’m sorry for what you went through, but your reaction to it is not an inevitable one. There are a lot of people who’ve been through hell and ”taught to hate” as you put it, who choose not to. There’s too much hate, anger, pain in the world already, why add to it? I promise you that what you see as “not a bullying tactic” is seen as exactly that by at least some of the recipients of your “intentional intimidation.”
I understand and agree with you.

It's a matter of having to do it to survive. I work amongst vipers who search for a weakness and exploit it. Remember the parable of the long spoon; we are all emaciated and sick because no one trusts anyone.

https://theunboundedspirit.com/heaven-and-hell-the-parable-of-the-long-spoons/

I'm an atheist but I thought there was a lot of wisdom in that story.

Allow yourself to be open to warmth from others and they might occasionally surprise you.
I would be flabbergasted. Probably wondering what the trick is.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#25
I think we do recognize them, but it's that conventionally attractive people just get more opportunities. There's been studies done on it. Everyone has to work, and lots of people who deserve promotions get them, but it's undeniable that pretty people have a leg up, so to speak on most people, and tend to have doors open for them. If it's not beauty, then it's money. It's just our culture puts those things on pedestals. I absolutely think most of us know it too, but we keep doing it!

I'm currently thinking about a woman in my field who was caught doing something very unethical. She was quite beautiful and dating someone really highly placed. People made excuses up the wazoo for her. And, honestly, for no other reason than they admired her beauty and her boyfriend (he did dump her, btw).
All this is fact based on research. Then why should I live? Yes I am not ugly but I am older and don’t have all that makes me desired so why should I live?
 
#26
@Moriens Gigas - your outlook reminds me deeply of my oldest brother-in-law who has a very cynical view on the world. When I first met him, I thought he looked very tense. He has an antagonistic view of other people. He has an air of hostility that seems to seek out other people with the same issues and trigger conflicts. Whereas my husband is very easygoing and almost never has conflicts with other people.

Something which you may not share with him (since you are married) is his cynical view of women. He was always very flirty with attractive young women but in a sort of confrontational way, like being a nuisance with waitresses and so on. If a woman responded by getting annoyed he would judge them very harshly. He was very interested in having a girlfriend but he was only interested in women who were much better looking and younger than him. Also he is white but only interested in Asian women (our city is about half white and half Asian). So, he got used a few times by women expecting to be treated like a princess and showered with expensive gifts by an older man, or learn English, or get help immigrating. In between these relationships, he outright rejected a few women we selected to introduce him to because they didn't meet his physical requirements, like a friend of mine who is actually quite an attractive redhead but has casual style and doesn't wear makeup, or another friend who is Asian but he judged as having too flat a chest. Stupid stuff. Meanwhile he is complaining about how women are duplicitous, conniving, etc, etc. He wants to use them but judges them for using him.

Can you see reading this how unreasonable he is? You can probably see how by his attitude he evokes the very behaviour he is trying to avoid?

These things can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and it's very hard to see ourselves objectively. You say that you would be looking for the catch/trick if someone was warm to you. Well what if there is no catch or trick? I'll bet you might make one up.

My point in telling the story with him is how tough it is to see oneself clearly, and how you can create the very thing you seek to avoid.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#28
All this is fact based on research. Then why should I live? Yes I am not ugly but I am older and don’t have all that makes me desired so why should I live?
I think you misunderstood my post. It's not that people who don't fall under some generally unattainable beauty standard can't have fulfilling lives, but it is true that certain people have it easier in some ways. Life is what you make it. I am not one to try to sugarcoat it because I too struggle but there are plenty of people who do not fit some idealized standard that have wonderful, amazing lives. It's not the end of the road, but it is one with uphill climbs, if that makes sense.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#29
So being desirable is the only thing that makes life worth living?
Good question. I have pursued goals with some success and more failures in later years, maybe because of age related factors. I enjoyed them and always had a supportive network. Now I have neither. I noticed that when I pursued goals or interests that it was a very lonely and unfulfilling feeling without support . I did not realize it before but it was the support that made it fulfilling. So I guess I do need support. Is it possible to have interests live alone on a resort island and feel unfulfilled because you are alone and lonely?
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#30
I think you misunderstood my post. It's not that people who don't fall under some generally unattainable beauty standard can't have fulfilling lives, but it is true that certain people have it easier in some ways. Life is what you make it. I am not one to try to sugarcoat it because I too struggle but there are plenty of people who do not fit some idealized standard that have wonderful, amazing lives. It's not the end of the road, but it is one with uphill climbs, if that makes sense.
I agree. We need to make efforts. It is defeating when keep failing. We need some success to stay alive.
 
#32
@Moriens Gigas - your outlook reminds me deeply of my oldest brother-in-law who has a very cynical view on the world. When I first met him, I thought he looked very tense. He has an antagonistic view of other people. He has an air of hostility that seems to seek out other people with the same issues and trigger conflicts. Whereas my husband is very easygoing and almost never has conflicts with other people.

Something which you may not share with him (since you are married) is his cynical view of women. He was always very flirty with attractive young women but in a sort of confrontational way, like being a nuisance with waitresses and so on. If a woman responded by getting annoyed he would judge them very harshly. He was very interested in having a girlfriend but he was only interested in women who were much better looking and younger than him. Also he is white but only interested in Asian women (our city is about half white and half Asian). So, he got used a few times by women expecting to be treated like a princess and showered with expensive gifts by an older man, or learn English, or get help immigrating. In between these relationships, he outright rejected a few women we selected to introduce him to because they didn't meet his physical requirements, like a friend of mine who is actually quite an attractive redhead but has casual style and doesn't wear makeup, or another friend who is Asian but he judged as having too flat a chest. Stupid stuff. Meanwhile he is complaining about how women are duplicitous, conniving, etc, etc. He wants to use them but judges them for using him.

Can you see reading this how unreasonable he is? You can probably see how by his attitude he evokes the very behaviour he is trying to avoid?

These things can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and it's very hard to see ourselves objectively. You say that you would be looking for the catch/trick if someone was warm to you. Well what if there is no catch or trick? I'll bet you might make one up.

My point in telling the story with him is how tough it is to see oneself clearly, and how you can create the very thing you seek to avoid.
Like a feedback loop.

But if that's so, I don't know how to break it. It's like the parable I mentioned earlier; where's the courage to trust another when the spoons are too long?
 
#33
Like a feedback loop.

But if that's so, I don't know how to break it. It's like the parable I mentioned earlier; where's the courage to trust another when the spoons are too long?
Well probably being on this forum is a good place to start because there are a lot of really empathetic people here. There have been several meet-ups from this site, when people are in the same area. I've made close friends from forums like this.

And just try to be open to any kindness or friendliness from others. You could try doing little things like saying "good morning" or whatever. You'd be surprised how people will respond. I was in the lobby of my apartment building two days ago and a bottle of gingerale fell out of my grocery bag and the cap came off and the bottle spilled a bit but didn't break. I was in a good mood so didn't swear or anything just said "oh crap," and these two tradespeople (painters) standing there laughed and one of them pulled out a clean rag and mopped up the spill. It wasn't quite enough so she asked if it would be okay to squeeze out the rag into the plants and I said it's just natural gingerale so it's probably okay, and she wrung out the rag and finished the job. They even said they would come back and mop the floor after they were done painting for the day (it was pretty close to 5pm) but I said don't bother I will do it.

I don't know about you but sometimes people will help a stranger and it always makes the world seem a bit less cold. Often I am the person helping. You probably already do this but just having someone smile at you is nice, even if they are wearing a mask and you can only tell they're smiling because the corners of their eyes crinkle.
 
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