I have just joined recently and i have been reading many posts and i feel as if everyone is having a tough time trying to come up with valuble advice because the intial posts are so vague.Therefore i will be listing everything i beleive to be responsilbe for my depression and hoping that someone could relate to these problems and give me some good advice. This will be a long post. What i feel contributes significantly towards my depression is that im a 22 year old virgin. Not only have i never had sex with a girl, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl infact and there are several reasons for this. The most is important reason for this is the condition of my penis. Not only is it small (2-3 inchs erect) it is extreamly sensitive to the point where it starts to hurt if the head touchs anything. It is so senstitive that i can orgasm without even touching it if the visual aid is incredibly stimulating and this is where the "never kissed a girl" part comes to play. Everytime a girl touchs me for an extended period of time i start to get an erection and i have been longing for a relationship for so long that i find most girls attractive now. It absolutely scares the hell out of me because the erection is visible through my pants and its clear as day that i have a small penis and therefore i have never had the courage to approach a girl. The sensitivity plays a part aswell because no matter how i masturbate i barely last a minute, even if i masturbate 3-4 times in a row i do not last long and this bothers me because most of my friends who are in a relationship say that sex is one of the main pillars for a relationship and to know that from birth i was not capable of providing physical love to anyone bothers me to the point of suicidal thoughts, even typing this now i feel like i was not meant to exist in whis world like im some sort of abomination. To add to the abomination theory i know from many guys and girls that i am infact ugly. This comes from both bullying, from strangers and from people who i have actually known and loved. When i heard from a girl ive known and spent time with for so long told me that i was ugly, not un-attractive, just straight up ugly (of course im not speaking to her anymore) i was heartbroken but then i thought that this was only from one girl out of millions, everyone has different opionion etc. but through out my life ever since that point several sources deem it to be true and now i see why. Im incredibly hairy, i have hair growing in places id never thought was possible (on the nose, cheek, ear lobes, knuckles, forehead!), i used to be obese (16-17 stone due to comfort eating) but now ive lost about 4 stones which i think has had a both positive and negative effect on my body because although i look in shape i have now gained horrbile stretch marks all over my body (biceps, love handles, thighs etc.), i used to suffer from severe eczema untill the age of 20 when it finally calmed down but i still get the occasional rash and acne across my whole body including my face and i suffer from anxiety which causes me to sweat from my forehead which looks like ive ran about 2-3 miles and this occurs in places where there are large groups of people and from sudden temperatures changes but i think this one runs in the family because my brother and mother suffer from this aswell. The reason why i dont want/cant to commit suicide. We are poor. I have a mother, a father and a big brother and we live in a council house in a student area. Everyday from the start to the end of term theres music, shouting, parties and constant delinquency and weve been complaining for too long now over 7-8 years but these new age students just dont listen and the council have no power at all and its a constant headache. My father is disabled so can not work at all, my big brothers a dead beat and my mother was recently diagnosed with cancer so the responsibillity falls upon me. I love my family so much that i dont want them to be living in this god forsaken house for the rest of their life or atleast before they die. We have tried everything to sell the house but no one wants to buy this house except for landlords who want to convert the house into a student house however this new law has been made to dissallow the conversion of houses into student houses which is stupid because 90% of the houses are student houses. We have tried appealing to the council but as i have said before they are utterly useless and would not revoke the rule just this once. The only two options are for me and my big brother to get a full time job (highly unlikely) and get a joint mortgage or for me to get a job and mortgage by myself. This is where the problem arises, i have been suffering from depression since the age of around 12-13 when someone noticed a "small bump" in my pants and when i found out though watching porn that my penis is small. Through out college and university i have understood the stigma of having a small, non-working penis and have managed to lie my way out of conversations with strangers and my friends even my best friends about sexual experiences and infact the size of my penis. However the stress of failing at college and university almost kept my suicidal thoughts at bay for some reason maybe because i am competitive or i didnt want my family to see me as a failure i dont know, i even took a masters course because i was offered one even though i didnt want to do it. I was depessed for certain but to the point of suicide not so much. Since i have graduated from university my depression and suicidal thoughts have sky rocketed. The fact that im a virgin, ive never had sex with a girl, kissed a girl, been on date with a girl, the fact that i believe i will never will have a wife and family in this life PLUS all the financial stress of me being heavily in debt and having to find a job and support my broken family is just too much for me to handle. Its funny because i am so depressed that i dont even have the willpower to find a job or to even work yet i cant abandon my family and therefore i cant commit suicide. All i do everyday is escape life by playing video games or watching tv and ive began to comfort eat again and i always feel frustrated with myself when im in bed and think that tomorrow i should do something productive and yet i wake up, depression kicks in and low behold im back playing video games or watching tv, the cycle just keeps repeating itself. This time i thought i would go online and see if there is anyone, anyone who is in a similar position to me and has managed to overcome this quarter life crisis and could give me some advice as to what i should do because the longer this goes on the more mentally unstable i feel. Im really sorry about the lost post, i just had to get most of it off my chest because i really do need help.