Life is worse than death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by butterflies32, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I can't cope anymore. Life is so hard and I give up fighting it. I cannot cope wiith my thoughts with trying to please everyone. I cannot cope with the fat that I am hurting people just by being alive. I have no future I am doing uni to make people happy to make them proud of me.

    Damm my screen name and its meaning of hoping to be set free sometime. Who am I kidding.

    What is the point of life and why should I have to live it? I feel that everything that could happen to me in life already has. Whats the point of seeing if something will change. My thoughts haven't in the last six years so can can I make them now. I can't sleep, eat or live a normal life because of fear. I have tried 3 times before and I want to try again. I am such a failure.

    Sam
     
  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    There are much worse things then death.

    I feel almost exactly like you do.
    Why should I continue to live?
    Why should I have to do these things?

    I am sorry you feel so horrible.... I hope you can find a reason to keep fighting... but if you do give up and let in, I won't blame you.
    Not everyone is strong enough to live, not everyone can survive.
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have lost that spark of hope that things can change. I know six years is a long time to wait. You have survived it this long and now is not the time to give up. You can never be sure of what tomorrow brings. Just live for one day at a time. For now that can get you through. :hug:
     
  4. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Hey

    Thank you. Life is so hard and tomorrow I am ment to be seeing my gp but I really am nt in the mood. She can't do anything. No one can.:sad:

    Sam
     
  5. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I can't cope anymore. Life is so hard and I give up fighting it. I cannot cope wiith my thoughts with trying to please everyone. I cannot cope with the fat that I am hurting people just by being alive. I have no future I am doing uni to make people happy to make them proud of me.

    Life is incredibly, excrutiatingly hard. I think we all agree with you on that one. Sometimes giving up the fight can be the best thing we do for ourselves. There are lots of therapies to help us do that so our fighting doesn't get in the way of our living.

    Trying to please everyone - how I understand you there. It's been my way of doing things my whole life. I'm finally starting to learn that I don't have to let what others think of me control my life. What matters is what I think of me. And again, you're right - there is no future in trying to please others. Great observation.


    Damm my screen name and its meaning of hoping to be set free sometime. Who am I kidding.

    Stranger things have happened, Sam!

    What is the point of life and why should I have to live it? I feel that everything that could happen to me in life already has. Whats the point of seeing if something will change. My thoughts haven't in the last six years so can can I make them now. I can't sleep, eat or live a normal life because of fear. I have tried 3 times before and I want to try again. I am such a failure.

    A 96 year old woman said the same thing to me - why won't God let me go home? Everything that could happen to me in life already has. She died last year a day before her 100th birthday. I doubt that you're 96. Who can tell what will happen to us tomorrow or the next day or the next. There's no point in worrying about the past because there's nothing we can do to change it. The future isn't yet reality, so all we can do is what we think will make our future better. The only reality is NOW. The present is all we can experience.

    Fear - a common denominator to the human race. It sucks us in like quicksand. It paralyzes us. Most decent therapists can help with that issue.

    I'm sorry you feel like a failure. I know the feeling. I suspect that every one of us fails at some point in life. I hope you'll work through some of the things you brought up before you go for the 4th try.

    Jim
     
  6. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Failure is the motehr of success. List the things you would want to do in life, look at them, and form a firm goal to go towards.

    Many beautiful butterflies start out as ugly caterpillars.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't see you as a failure. You have to quit trying to be a failure. As far as making others happy. I wouldn't put myself down because they don't understand.
    You should be proud of yourself going to college while all this is sitting on your shoulders. You could be like me a high school drop out who chose drugs over education. I am 51 and still don't have a diploma. I tried these home study classes but couldn't retain what I read.
    If nothing else i'm proud of you. It takes determination to acheive what you have. Stay strong and keep posting. It's alot healthier than Stagnating or isolating. Trust me I know I have been doing it for 14 years. Good Luck...:chopper:
     
  8. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Thank you stranger 1 that was really inspirational. 14 years is a long time and that in it self is a huge achievement to be alive. I just wish that maybe that could happen to me.

    No one knows how I feel so I have to put up a front. I have to pretend to be ok when I am not. When I want to just sit and cry,scream, shout with out having people scared of me.

    middle...your story of the 96yr old made me smile I know how she felt. The rest I hope that someday I can look forward and see a future. A life of sucess. I just want to see it now and become diappointed when I can't.

    Sam
    x
     
  9. Whiskey

    Whiskey Member

    Sam I'm here for you, I'm in a similar situation as well. PM me anytime or aim or yahoo me anytime if you have it let me know, and I'll tell you my s/n. I am in a similar situation. I feel life is simply just pointless. I just made a thread and I'm also a uni student as well, so maybe that thread will let you know where I am at in my life.

    Your friend,

    Chris
     
  10. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    And then they get stuck in a cocoon for weeks lol, but THEN they come out, and they fly and stuff, and they purty ^^...
     
  11. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I feel like I have been trapped in the cocoon for years. I wonder if I will ever be free.

    Hey Chris thanks for that.

    I am feeling so fucked up at the mo. Stupid thing is people would say that I have nothing goin g on to make myself like this.

    I was given some advice from a couple of people who I later found out were banned from this site. I am on the verge of doing what one of them suggested.

    Sam
    x
     
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Whats going on? I hope you are keeping a positive outlook on things. Remember we are hear for you, and those other people you are talking about are more than likely gone because they deserved it. No one hear wants you feel down and think you are alone. Tell us and we will see what we can do to help you....:chopper:
     
  13. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Whats the point of a positive outlook wen you life is so shit its messed up. people just don't give a toss any more.

    I hit my little brother this morning. I haven't been violent for a few years and now it has all started again Except this time it is to the younger one.

    I am a violent bitch who know one wants and someone that just shouldn't be around. Technically I am physical abuser and I can't help it. I have so much pain and anger that that cannot let it out because I am not allowed to. When I am like this I can kill (not that I ever have) and it scares me. I just fail at everything I am a disgrace to the family and they would be better off not having me around. I have to live with them coz I am a student and I can not cope with it. Being the kid being treated like a kid. I'm not a kid I am an adult but...

    I have said to much. I hate life and not living it benefits other people.

    Sam
    x
     
  14. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    I know you can feel that no one can help you, that life is far too dire to live on. There is hope, but only if you want to believe there is or if you can recognise it, sometimes life gets far too shitty and exhausting for us to see that. If you can find even the tiniest thing that makes you feel good, worthy and alive, this is a start.

    I hope something makes it all worthwhile again for you, take care hun, we are all here for you to talk to or just plain rant.
     
  15. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Heya,

    Thanks. There is one thing that keeps me going and I guess that is helping other people sorting out other peoples problems. It is the only thing that makes me feel like I am worth something.

    Sam
    x
     
  16. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know what you need? either go to the beach or in the woods. Someplace where noone is around you. Then just start screaming your full head off. Scream until you can't anymore. People say that is a very good stress releiver. Some people it works for them and others it doesn't help.
    Bye Bye talk to you later::chopper:
     
  17. RememberLove

    RememberLove Member

    :poke: Hey Sam,

    You are needed! You were there for me when i needed help to NOT end my life... Who will help me next time if you are not there anymore? You havent failed since Im still around right...

    And i guarantee Im not the only one here needing you and your support!!

    Hugs Lan
     
  18. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know if you talk to your doctor and tell him about these bouts of violence are turning physical. They have meds for that also. Once when I was in the hospital there was a guy in there for stabbing his brother. They started him on a regiment of meds to control his anger. His brother was just being a pain in the ass like brothers can be. and this guy was in the kitchen and had a knife in his hands, well he stabbed him before he even knew he had done it. The meds helped him get a better control of his temper.
    You know I have two sayings that I like 1)pain is just weakness leaving your body 2) fear is not an option.
    By the way his brother is fine, he didn't stab him deep he just broke the skin. Stay strong and bank your positives. You can pull them up when you are down and use them to push the bad thoghts away...:chopper:
     
  19. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Not any more....my mum has just found out about my illness n now she is angry at me. Asking me do I want to get better, do I care about her at all, can I not see her pain.

    I knew telling her would upset her. I always seem to upset her.:sad:

    Samx
    x
     
  20. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Hey, Sam. So sorry about your mother's reaction. Unfortunately, she's responding the way lots of parents would because she doesn't know how to respond any better.

    If you're already seeing a counselor, or plan to, it would probably be a smart thing to take your mother with you once so the therapist can answer her questions. It could defuse the situation.

    My wife went with me to the counselor, and now goes with me half of the time. It really helped her understand me and my mental illnesses better.

    Telling a parent or spouse or an intimate friend has to be one of the hardest things to do. It was for me. I figured she'd walk away. That was 2 1/2 years ago, and she's proven that she loves me and supports me even when I make it a challenge for her.

    Give your mother some time and space to adjust.

    Jim
     
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