Life is worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by astella, Mar 25, 2008.

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  1. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the corny title, but I'm merely stating what appears to be, as far as I can tell, a fact. All I want to do is die quickly and painlessly, is that so much to ask for? I never asked to live; I don't want to. So what if people will be upset for a few days or weeks after I die? Why should I live so that some people who happen to know me won't be upset for a relatively short period of time? Choosing to die may be selfish, but selfishness isn't inherently bad. If you don't give away everything you get as soon as you get it, you're doing something selfish. I think killing myself would be a case in which selfishness is justified. It's my life and I'm the one being forced to live. Why should I have to if I don't want to just because other people, due to irrational standards of morality advocated by our society, want me to? I don't want my life. If you want to live, go ahead. Live. Suffer. That's your choice. Just let me die and get my life over with.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 25, 2008
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    No matter how bad things may seem, it will get better astella. There has to be a better way than suicide. I agree that it is your life and ultimately your decision, but life is meant to live. Please hang on. :hug:
  3. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain that you want to end your life.

    If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime.

    I pray you find peace.
  4. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    That's a generalisation; you can't possibly know it will get better.

    I agree with everything you're saying, astella, except for one thing... I do not agree that life absolutely has to be worthless, but maybe you believe you are unable to feel that which is the only thing keeping me alive; the hope of finding true love. Of course, maybe something has happened to you that makes this impossible, for you... I don't know... however, in my case, while the hope of finding true love is the only thing keeping me alive, I am painfully aware that me finding it is highly unlikely... but the thought of the bliss of miraculously having found it keeps my hope up... I often wish it wouldn't do that to me, but it does.

    If you sometime want to talk, you can PM me... I never have anything to do, anyway.
  5. Bellabie

    Bellabie Member

    I disagree.
    I can know that things will be better. It is a generalization, yes, but it doesn't mean it's untrue. Perhaps it was not a reference to any of the above-mentioned events.
    "It" will get better.
  6. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I don't know your interpretation of "it"... maybe you could clarify? Is "it" that people in general will get better?
  7. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I was thinking of attacking your claim that "true love" would justify living, but I don't feel like that would be a good idea. It's funny to see how strongly rooted the idea of not wanting others to die is in our society and in myself, even if I accept that life is worthless.

    No, you can't know that. For all you know, the world will end in a few seconds. It's not likely, but it's a possibility. Absolute knowledge of anything is impossible for humans as far as I know, but, of course, I could be wrong. That said, I'm pretty sure my life is around its pinnacle right now, and as my life isn't really very great at all at this point in time, I think it would be best to end my life sooner rather than later and waste even more years of work just to die.
  8. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    tough call, live in shit or die into the unknown . . . i'm too much of a wussy to choose death at this point in my life. i figure i'll just wait until i have things worth losing in this life, then try out death.

    such a gamble, i mean i've never been one for making the "right" choice, but it seems a safer bet to gamble on life turning around than on death being anything other than complete oblivion. While, i do understand that as oblivion i wouldn't care, becoming oblivion is really scary concept to me (ego!). and, even if death is something else, it could be something no one has ever thought of, some sort of existence or non-existence combined in a realm of unimaginable dimensions. or, it could be a crackerbarrel or some other awful chain restaurant . . . perhaps the christians were right, or maybe it was the Norse that got it, we all in up in Vallahala or maybe it was the Muslims, perhaps one of the millions of past cultures that lived on this earth were right, but since the right god's name has been forgotten we are all doomed . . .
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  9. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    The chances that one of them was right is slim enough that I don't even consider it a possibility. Welcome to the 21st century where we are supposed to be at least sort of scientifically literate. And life won't "turn around" for me. At best, my life will be lower than my expectations, but in the end, that doesn't matter. I'll end up living with both happiness and suffering, just to end up dying. I don't want to be happy and I don't want to suffer, I just don't want to exist, partially because I despise human nature and thus do not wish to be a human. I'd rather just not exist. That's all there is to it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  10. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    I feel like life is painful and ugly. It's like the main female character said in that old black and white movie, the Days of Wine and Roses - something about how she likes to go out and look at the water. Up close it's dirty and ugly, but if you look off into the distance it's pretty. Eventually when her alcoholism consumes her she says the world just plain always looks ulgy now.

    That's how I've felt for a long time. As compensation now I'm like living the days of Wine and Roses and it's kind of depressing to have to agree with that movie character, but some of that stuff hits too close to home. Always pushing myself to do things I don't really wanna do, putting my feelings aside for someone else, and in the end getting ditched and left. It was harsh as it was, but now... it's becoming unbearable. I feel like there's this blackhole in my chest.

    I think part of what keeps me around is my love for my partner and longing to lay next to her again. But I don't think that'll ever happen again :(

    Man do I ache. I feel like life, personally, is more painful than worthless. The things a person can do to you only a week ago vs. what they can smash you with a week later just show you how ugly life can get. More so than it already is. And how ugly people can get.

    It's hard to keep myself standing and going on. So hard. when my best friend, confidante, helper, partner, primary source for tweaking ears, etc - becomes my worst enemy. :(

    I know not everyone here believes in prayers and stuff like that. But if anyone feels like throwing me one, even just a 5 second, "please help him". I'd appreciate it.


    Edit: To quote my favorite line from the movie, "Togther in Heaven". By the end of that movie and thinking about how at one point my wife and I used to pray for just that without ever having seen this movie till just last weekend, it's especially painful. Just another example of life throwing you pain and like Astella said, I didn't ask to be here. Wish, like she said, you could just "log out" like I do in world of warcraft. No pain, just disconnect and be in that crazy realm no more.
  11. ASG

    ASG Member

    You have talent, throw yourself into your music and give it some time, the less co-dependent you look the better .. probably. If you seem too needy she may not respect you. If you never get back together--which doesn't seem anywhere near as certain as you make it sound according to her comment on You Tube just 4 weeks ago--it's not the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination. What is happening to you has happened to millions of people who have gone on to find joy in their lives.

    I know how you feel, I'm still reeling from a breakup that happened a long time ago, but it was my fault (mostly) and I live with it. As time passes I realize the relationship was nowhere even near idealic, even if the sex was.

    If I told you my own story you'd have a better perspective--as would a lot of other people in here--but I'm just not ready to open up that much. Believe me the straits I'm in are far more perilous and hopeless than almost everything I'm reading in here represents. Unless you're alone in the world and dying of a terminal illness living in a box under a freeway somewhere, you're life is probably not much worse than mine is. And mine is NOT worthless.
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