just to say, if you don't wana read this, don't. i don't care. i just need to write it down. put it in words. I find it very very difficult to get into relationships. i have anxiety, bulimia, paranoia, self harm and many other issues. But i took a chance for the first time. i let myself fall inlove with a guy. for a whole 6 weeks of knowing him i felt happy. he was fine with who i was, he loved me for who i was...but now he's gone back to his contry (he was in my contry as a student) he's left the uk forever. and i'm never going to see him again. the first time i let myself fall in love. and he leaves the contry FOREVER. he has no choice but to go into the army for 3 years. so even if he wanted to come back, he can't. i can't see him again. and i'm alone. i feel so hollow, i just want to fade away and die. i don't want to get over him. i don't want to say 'oh i can wait for him' because its not going to happen. and i loved him so much, we became so close. also i'm dropping out of uni because i hate it here. but i don't know what i want to do. god if only i could stop breathing. just, stop existing. become nothing. i need to die. its the only thing that could bring me comfort. knowing that this pain would end. i hate being alive. it feels like a diesese.