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life just kicks me in the face...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by red.stitches, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. red.stitches

    red.stitches Member

    just to say, if you don't wana read this, don't. i don't care. i just need to write it down.
    put it in words.

    I find it very very difficult to get into relationships. i have anxiety, bulimia, paranoia, self harm and many other issues.
    But i took a chance for the first time. i let myself fall inlove with a guy.
    for a whole 6 weeks of knowing him i felt happy. he was fine with who i was, he loved me for who i was...but now he's gone back to his contry (he was in my contry as a student)

    he's left the uk forever.
    and i'm never going to see him again.

    the first time i let myself fall in love. and he leaves the contry FOREVER.
    he has no choice but to go into the army for 3 years.
    so even if he wanted to come back, he can't.
    i can't see him again.
    and i'm alone.

    i feel so hollow, i just want to fade away and die.
    i don't want to get over him. i don't want to say 'oh i can wait for him' because its not going to happen. and i loved him so much, we became so close.

    also i'm dropping out of uni because i hate it here.
    but i don't know what i want to do.

    god if only i could stop breathing. just, stop existing. become nothing.
    i need to die. its the only thing that could bring me comfort. knowing that this pain would end.

    i hate being alive. it feels like a diesese.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Oh, that's really rough. I had something like that, where the only person I've ever connected with disappeared after two months of knowing her... I maintained hope, I followed her across the country... She's gone. I don't know how or why... But she's gone.

    PM me if you want to talk... I don't know how helpful I can be, but I feel your pain.
  3. Tecky

    Tecky Well-Known Member

    Wait! I think I may have a good idea!

    You said this person is from a foreign country right? And he has to go back home to serve in his army for 3 years? And that he can't return to UK (for the next 3 years at least) even if he wanted to?

    Well... how about keeping him in the UK? The way I see it, if you marry him, he could become a PR right away. The whole process of becoming a full-fledged citizen may take years but at least he would still be in the UK while the whole mess is being sorted out.

    Ok, some members here may slam me for suggesting this, but what other way is there? Love should be available to all regardless of their nationality. It is unfair that some of us are born in 3rd world countries and are therefore prevented from meeting and falling in love with a whole range of interesting people in the 1st world nations.