Life makes me tired... I need it to end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by treybacardi, Apr 6, 2015.

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  1. treybacardi

    treybacardi New Member

    I am a Sophomore in college, studying to become a web developer and graphics designer. I am doing the bare minimum to stay in school with a 2.2 GPA, because I have been told multiple times by interviewers that my portfolio is exactly what they need, but that they would like me to finish college first. This is the only reason I am still in school. In fact, I don't even like web design - I merely do it well and it pays, but I hate it.

    Every day is the same, I go to work and then to class. I eat, sleep and whittle away with my little hobbies such as video games, drawing, basketball and weightlifting. I am physically fit and quite athletic and make a decent income from my freelance work, but I don't see the point of it anymore, all it does is attract shallow girls who don't want a deep and meaningful relationship. I am tired of it, I am tired of being treated like what I am for a social standing.

    Last weekend, I went to an anime convention with friends in Houston. I hoped to be cheered up since I don't get to see them all the time and this would be a great chance to spend time with them. Everything was going great and we were having tons of fun. Then I met a girl... she was beautiful, smart and cheerful, her only problem was that she talked a lot, if that could even be considered a problem, since it complimented my usual silent and patient nature, I like to listen. I thought we were perfect for each other, and she thought so too - so we went on a date. We talked about our morals and our futures, which were very similar as if cut from the same cloth. We were both looking for a long-lasting relationship. She was perfect. Then out of nowhere, she asked me if I was a Christian, I am defined as an Atheist, but I really do not care about religion, merely living life - and because of that, she told me she couldn't date me unless I was Christian and even though we had the same morals, it would not work out because I had to be labelled a Christian.

    It hurt in the way she rejected me, it was the first time I had ever cried over a girl before, and there have been many before her. But the way she did it, made me feel lost and confused instead of my usual acceptance of the news, it made me really question my purpose in life. As of now, I live to work and survive... it is tiresome and I just want it all to end.

    I know I should not kill myself over this, because I have family and friends who still care about me. But it seems like this is the only way to end the suffering. I want to quit school, I want to quit everything, I just want to enjoy the people around me and find a girl who I can share the world with... but that's impossible with how the world works. What should I do...?
  2. Fractals

    Fractals New Member

    I feel you, it's hard to enjoy the world when you can only do it alone. From what you've said you seem like a rational person, trying not to let your strongest emotions control you. It also sounds like you have no problem attracting girls. Maybe it just takes time to find the person you need, you have hobbies which are pretty beneficial for meeting people. The world today is full of so many shallow people I can't stand it, I know so few people I can relate to that the world seems a very cold place. Maybe you can talk to your friends or family. No matter what, finding the right girl will take time. I don't know if what I'm saying can help, I'm very poor at communication and I'm scatterbrained as fuck, but I wanted to say something at least. I'm new here too, so it's nice to meet you senor bacardi. I'll always reply to all pms and messages. :wave:
  3. reynard_muldrake

    reynard_muldrake Well-Known Member

    You're lucky in so many ways. Do you know what it's like to have no friends, no abilities, no clue of where you want to go professionally, and a family you feel alienated from? I'm betting no. So what if you don't have a girlfriend? Being in a relationship might not be enough anyway.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    That "one thing" everybody thinks they need to be happy (or 3 or 4) will not make them happy. I have seen it more times than I can't count in my own life and on here and other forums where people are certain if had more money, better job, friends, relationship, pet dog, or whatever in the world it is that they think is preventing them from having a happy and meaningful life- because that is not the way humans work. When we get that , it is different than we imagined, or not as much as we thought , or just plain not enough. Those that are happy while waiting and searching and satisfied will continue to be, those that are not will continue to not be happy.

    So far as the girl that said you were not compatible due to religion? That is a pretty big one for a lot of people (right or wrong) as it is for many a base core value, and the fact that you do not understand why is evidence enough that you are not really compatible so be glad it happened sooner rather than later after you were far more invested both emotionally and in time. So far as it goes- looking for a long term relationship on a first date seems a little silly to me- I am clueless how one goes about "searching for a relationship" - to me you meet people and make friends and then see if you like them or not and if you do then you figure out how they fit in your life. It sounds to me like you decide if it is not a LTR material (decided based on a couple hours conversation) then they do not fit in your life at all? That seems very self limiting and would may why you feel like surrounded with shallow people.

    Give people a chance, give yourself a chance and give life an adult a chance before you rush to conclusions about who and what is or is not good for you and worth your time and efforts. It is easy to be impatient but patience is far more likely to be rewarded.
  5. treybacardi

    treybacardi New Member

    Hi there, thanks for all the replies, I ended up talking about it through long hours with my brother since he found me breaking things. I do not think that it was what the girl said, but what she asked me and my response. "Are you Christian?" "No, I don't need a religion. I can live life to live my life without it." which made me realize how empty my life was, and filled with no purpose other than to survive. It's bleak and depressing, it makes me stop caring about everything...

    Also fractals, thanks, it really helps to have new friends everywhere.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2015
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