Life...not going very well.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by odogg, Oct 21, 2009.

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  1. odogg

    odogg New Member

    This is my first time writing on this or any forum about suicide. I am in my late 20's and am married. I met my wife in high school and I joined the military while she went off to school. We got married almost immediately and at first things were not so great.

    We struggled financially and that led to fighting and breakups. It seems like her life has been getting better while mine has been getting worse every year. She is successful and making a lot of money now while I never graduated from college, have no job, and many other faults and problems.

    I love her very much, probably more than she cares about me, and I feel like in the coming months she will decide to end our marriage. I stuck by her and worked horrible odd jobs all of these years until she finally finished school and training and now that she has money I think she's going to forget everything we've gone through together.

    I'm not saying I'm perfect at all, I drink a lot, am emotionally unstable at times, and have no real future unless I figure out something in the next few years.

    I've always suffered from depression and in really bad times it leads me towards suicidal thoughts. I've never tried any type of help before but lately I feel like its gotten worse. I can't talk to anyone I know because well, that's just not something I want to do. I'm not expecting much, I just really wanted to get it off my chest.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    It's ok! Welcome to SF. You'll find some people who will listen and respond if you want us to. I don't think you should think about what might're not sure your wife is going to leave you based on what you've said. So, let's deal with that should anything come up. In the meantime check out the forums and if you want to, feel free to send me a private message.

    Take care!

  3. odogg

    odogg New Member

    Its just hard to sit around and wait for things to happen when you know that its a very real situation that can occur. I have been looking around the forum. I never wanted to think about suicide and always just tried to block it completely out of my mind. I knew there were thousands of other people who felt just as bad, if not worse than I do. I guess I never wanted to face it alone. Today I decided that I couldn't just block it out anymore and found this forum. Just reading through other threads starts to put things in perspective.
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